Ryan is my oldest brother. We haven't had the best relationship in the past which means like 20 years ago we didn't see Ida I but anyways we see our do I now because he is sober. Before he was drunk out of his mind and was doing stupid stuff that pissed off my parents and I never saw him again. Not that I cared at the time but pretty soon I ended up having compassion no empathy just empathy but compassion as well and I ended up deciding to Facebook him when I ended up moving to the group home. And then I got his phone number and then the next thing you know one Christmas I was able to visit him and I was going to move in with them one time as soon as possible if when it's gonna take a few fucking years for that to happen. I ended up doing a lot of interesting things with my brother first of all I learn more things about astronomy and stuff that I haven't thought I learned about before. He watches Netflix or YouTube show called Sibley space and then there's the unknown list he watches does it is very interesting and educational and then there's cheddar and search boots and shells I love sir spooks is fun to watch her spooks and see the different scary entities it makes me believe that these things are even more real than ever before the spirit realm that it is and that there are Cryptids and stuff like siren head and other things. I like creepypasta always had I don't usually remember my father reading me goosebumps are you afraid of the dark they're not just TV shows they were box and Stephen kings the stand and pretty sure I took a crack at reading with Stephen kings the stand in Annandale up reading the goosebumps as well as are you afraid of the dark and soon I was considered to be able to read by my parents opinion and I would sit there quietly and read the book intensely. I was never really a fucking TV person so I always read.
What was the government of a Ontario when I was in grade 10 hours considered illiterate which was kind of stupid because I'm naughty literate I am writing right now. And I read books there's so many damn books that I have more than birthdays. That I have in my room and then there is also plenty of books should I have written in my life as well. You're wondering why I started off as a author because well my PTSD and you write about was good about life and you were about what you know about the motion and what I know about the most is PTSD in my own life. And anyways back to my brother we have had quite some adventures the first time I want to south Asian supermarket I got a Gnash picture Gnash is also called the No one or called the remover of obstacles in the Hindu religion easel one with the are elephant head. Still I remember this day because I remember forgetting his fucking tobacco. Which was an expensive thing I was too busy with my Gnash picture and my book that I was reading at the time I return. So I ended up we ended up having to go back because he insisted on it I never hated the fucking The bus system in out Ottawa which is a fucking OC transfer. OC transfer was a horrible thing and they did not have very good security in my opinion because there's three times in three rows that day that we got our buses hijacked. I don't know if this was going to be a new terrorist attack or something in the making and they were just trying to prank everyone it but I was so coordinated I thought it was a bunch of tourists planning something and I thought this fucking my sister needs a magnetometer in other words a big house metal detector that you walk through in the airport and I was so mad the second time around because they were popping balloon animals in my face and other peoples faces to terrorize the people as if they were bombs and I was like what the fuck and I told him I get the fuck off the bus my brother was not too happy about my language or my fucking attitude but I had it stand up to these fuckers. So I did they popped another balloon animal a storm the guy in the big toe and he never was able to walk again he still has a limp I believe because of how badly I stomped on his toes. Am I happy to use violence when there's Kaiser how to do that to get my point across that I don't take terrorism kindly. Whether it be Islamic or otherwise I think this was Islamic. And one of them now has a limp because of me because I did this in front of my brother and he was still pissed off about it. And I just saw it I was going to storm this particular terrorist rate and the toes creating the same amount of pain that his predecessors have created and I have decided to do it again and again and again until he was limping off the bus after it there a little attack was done. I didn't know when I was ready to call the police and say that there was something coordinated going on the OC transfer boxes. I'm a boss bitch as you probably know meaning that I can beat up anyone that I want that pisses me off or offends me in this case your friends me as a Middle Eastern or even though I am whatever religion I am spiritual I don't believe in Islamic terrorism or Middle Eastern terrorism I believe in peace and kindness. And I don't believe in making other peoples days miserable or the last day is just because you have a fucking beef with the world if you have a beef just stay the fuck home I mention that so many times inside Covid hatred is when you're dealing with Covid you're dealing with a disease when you're dealing with hatred you're dealing with a contagious disease just as much is Covid because it can kill just about as much as people as Covid if not more I think hatred has caused more deaths than black death itself on the bubonic plague. There is no fucking lie, just think about 911 and the other different genocides that have happened in terrorists attacks that it happened there have been more deaths due to hatred than there have been through cove it or otherwise so let's just blame it on hatred. I despise hatred but I don't want to use fire against fire but in this case this guy had it coming when he popped the balloon animal in my fucking face I what was I supposed to do enjoy it no need to punch him in the goddamn cocksucker and and storm his goddamn toes and chilli quiz limping out of the goddamn bus. I got good talking to you my brother about my behaviour than and I said I didn't give a shit about that either. Other events with my brother that are more positive well I reunited with my nephew and his girlfriend. My nephew Nate Dogg was also a musician I thought about trying to start a band with him and my brother but he kept saying that he was heartbroken every time he formed a band so I gave up on the app but anyways I'll tell you more about a band that I might've started it up already that is a shared band not my band this band that I had with my brother and my nephew were called the Sirenzombies he didn't like the first logo which was siren hey said it was stolen but I think siren head was more creative Commons or creative Commons creative or whatever wherever the fuck you CC or something creative Commons or Public. Siren head has been around for fucking long time. So he should be public material like young on a sidewalk drunk on a sidewalk or trash on the sidewalk is there any ones go for byelaw and I think siren head is the same thing but not as trashy. And I thought well I'll have to go make another fucking logo and I was very pissed off. I don't like the idea copywriting something that has been about a centuries years old. As I said siren head has been around for every war and Civil War and even as much is genocide's and pandemics whenever those four things happen siren head is there. He is creative Commons or public material he is not to me supposed to be confined to copyright. So I fucking hate that idea that I had to make a new so I decided to piss on it after a while. I ended up with my friend Christopher who is my rap buddy four min strawberry truth and guess what is my freaking mascot my swearing water molecule tattoo that is our mascot for strawberry truth why strawberry truth you're probably going to ask I'll Telya. Strawberry truth is because we talk about the truth in our wraps about what's going on in the world war PTSD mental health eating disorders anything that people need to hear but don't have the fucking balls to hear about it. These things should not be denied these are the truth as these are forms of suffering and I find that this is important to talk about whether you have the balls to or not talk about these things mental health PTSD war famine current events and stuff it's gotta be mentioned you can't be the 800 pound really in the fucking room because I'm gonna tell you that's why I rap. I even rap today about what I thought about PTSD and what you should do are you go around someone with a disability which is easy if you're going to whack off and start making fun of them that email as well fucking stay home because I said hatred is just as contagious or viral as COVID-19 so let's just face it. And I also mention that PGSD your other mental illnesses or disabilities are not a fucking get out free card or a hall pass to get do what the hell you wanna do when you wanna do it how you wanna do it and then put it on man the realness or mental disability I don't believe in that. You know what I believe in I fucking believe in telling the truth standing up facing your lamps and actually dealing with your problems and head on and this crazy if you committed crying go to jail do the current time and forget about the fucking excuses that's for fucking immature kids that do pranks or carnival other people and try to weasel their way out of shit. If you do shit you get shit and you get shit whether you like it or not and you have to face the shit that's what I believe in the most I don't believe in fucking around with karma either if you're going to be a shithead is going to come back to you if you owner up it'll come back to you if you're good it'll come back to you either way it'll come back to what goes around comes around and I believe in that. If you're an asshole and don't own up it'll cause you more problems tenfold if you're an asshole and you stand up and take responsibility for your actions and not deny anything it'll count as good karma if you do good in the world then you do get good as well. But you really got to be careful about what you do you can't be a little child or a chicken head and say oh I have to make an excuse for why I killed someone sure why I egg the principals office or somewhere you can't do that. Instead take your wrongs take your beatings and except the fact that you're going to have to go to jail or getting shit depending on your age if you're an adult jail if you're a kid getting in shit. I still remember my parents telling me you know if you tell the truth you're getting shit but it'll be a lot less trouble. But I never was able to tell my parents the full truth because half the shit I did was going to get me in the jail even though I was 14 years old and that is the truth and I didn't wanna know half the stuff that I did I don't even wanna know what I did half the time when I was a kid I was so horrible I was a alien. Hence why I told my mother I wasn't always the best daughter I should've opened up to them and I would've been able to face the consequences a lot easier. I should've open up even more when I was dealing with my parents with my feelings instead of just lashing out or lashing out on myself that wasn't to go to either. But instead I decided one time when I tried to hurt myself that I wasn't worth the goddamn time energy or calories to burn when you try to kill yourself or try to hurt yourself in any sort of way instead just fuck off and take a deep breath and try to deal with things a little bit and if you really really feel like you gonna do it talk about it even if it hurts you even more to talk about it just fucking spray it another and say it and say it as it is. I don't believe in hiding or bottling up feelings I've tried that too when I was a kid and there was a pile of horseshit right there right laughing centre was a pile of horseshit when I was a kid I used to bottle up my emotions and that didn't really help matters either. Instead I got me in more shit as I was lashing out and doing shit. The only time I was happy as a kid was either at holiday time when we were travelling or when I was going around trick-or-treating other times I was just miserable bitch. I never enjoyed anything except for Halloween and Christmas and traveling. Except for to Europe I don't know what was so special about Europe it was exactly like Canada only parallel to the Atlantic ocean and I said this is stupid I could go right out of my back door or front door and see white people if I want. If I didn't wanna be racist or anything but that was the truth that's all I saw or white people and I didn't like that too much I was singing this is exactly like Canada or North America or the United States I could just walk out the fucking front door. And I got searched out meaning searched out May I got sick and tired of seeing churches. I have seen so many churches in my life in Europe they make me fall asleep I don't really give a shit about religion so why do I bother but then again I don't go with atheism either. I know this sounds a little nasty nasty but that's the case with me. I know I'm not far atheist as my brother and I'm are for religious as my mother instead I am in between which means spiritual and I don't believe in Jesus because I don't believe he's real but that's my opinion I like to debunk that little story right away if I could. Instead I'm stuck with this fucking Bible thumping public that is so annoying. You can't swear you can't fart you can't belch can't breathe without getting in shit with someone who is religious and drives me nuts but then again he can't do the same with an atheist either because they don't believe in half the shit exists. How can you disprove a fart. I know car care but when I was in there I cannot see because everyone can smell it that's just an example of you can't the bank everything with science and even with science there's methane gas which makes farts. So let's just fuck off on the atheism bed and the religion bed and let's just meet in a happy medium it will be a lot easier on people but no that's either one way or the other you're damned if you do or damned if you don't kind of thing I'm damned if you do or damned if you don't in my family so I chose my own religion which is a mixture of Buddhism Islam and Hinduism. Answer more humane than most religions and it's a lot easier to deal with then goddamn atheism. Adolf Hitler Warzone ACS for example so let's just face a fact that they're a hateful bunch of motherfuckers. I despise atheist but I also despise religious nuts as well so as I said damned if you do damned if you don't so I may as well just sit in the middle of the street as the cars fly by and I read my book kind of thing. It's not funny what I'm trying to say but either way I know there's going to be something going on about atheists and religious people pretty soon I can feel it in my bones. One term I wanted to try cigarette with my brother I've been smoking since I was January 2021 up till I think about June when I go in deep shit for posting a picture of me smoking a cigarette on Facebook by the workers at the house and my brother got an even more shit I believe and that was not fun so now I don't smoke number one if you're taking a walk while you're smoking if feels like you're on top of Everest with a third of the air of sea level and you're kind of flat trying to breathe. That's one reason I quit the other reason why I didn't want my brother to get in anymore shit with the workers so I decided that was the end of the smoking. So I don't believe in smoking at all anymore because it's just gonna make it a Hufflepuff I called him Hufflepuff cigarettes or people whose use cigarettes or Vape they're called awful puffs that's what you're gonna be doing your Hufflepuff in your breath out while you're taking a long walk wine should be a pleasurable experience so let's just face the facts that smoking is not good for you and that it's a pile of shit that'll get you in more trouble than anything else do you know if you drop your cigarettes randomly you could've been charged with the murder of someone or rape of someone how why DNA because you just happen to be throwing your stupid butt ignorantly into whatever area there is and you don't know what that area can contain can contain a corpse and a crime scene that hasn't been discovered so you could be a big shit day or two. That's why I thoughts on smoking. As I said if you do shit. It's as simple as that. So never smoke in the beginning it can get in a world of shit or there be medical or legal. My mother smoked for us quite some time and it was fucking lung cancer now she died of haemorrhaging and also Faragon fucking liver cancer I am not liking cigarettes very much. If I want to smell smoke I'll put on some incense that's fucking all I can say.
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sufi | book 2
Non-FictionSufi wakes up to the sound of her mother's disembodied voice indicating her death is near eminent that is her adoptive mother. From the joy of finding a foul ball at the Ottawa Titans game to find out that her mother was dying to her modeling career...
