sufi | book 2

Authors note

Like that guy's profile picture on plenty of penpals said staying lol that was pretty good as well as trying to be happy and try to keep smiling that's important. That's why I am writing these things as much is a rough around the edges. Yes this spoke has caused a lot with language and foul language after that but that is the mood of the book. Is still to bring awareness to PTSD grieving or mental illness or mental disabilities and how you're supposed to treat other people. That's why I have written this book not just because of the Waddy's but I've also written this because I need to tell my story in full my whole 33 years will be spanning three books in the Sufi series and that's basically the size of it I have decided to write these books to make sure that everyone has a love of learning writing and fun as well as being aware of mental illness as well as being able to treat other people with respect if we can't work treat other people respect as I said in the book you just have to stay home and not bother anyone just like if you have Covid or you're sick just stay home and not bother anyone that's basically the messages about the messages also that my mother had passed away that part is true and also the foul ball most of this is true but is used with a fictional character named Sufi Sufi is my alias but I used her as a character. My name is Elena melanson my pen name is Jamila nujuum. It was given to me by a Somali friend that I had some alley from Somalia her name is fordausa What is the female equivalent of the word paradise in Arabic. She is a real person or a he has been a very good person to me very nice she's my brothers friend even though they are mutton Jeff completely they're very good friends to each other and they're very good to me I am very happy that she gave me the name Jamila which means beautiful nujuum which means stars. Your je is a Arabic word masculine word for stars and I am both got equal matter masculine and feminine energy. And that is basically why I have written this book to tell you more about myself and more about my adventures in my life and misadventures. I know the language is a little off colour and a little mature sometimes a little NSFW sometimes a little offensive but or better yet to say of rough around the edges like my brother is rough around the edges. Except I do not speak ill of different peoples groups unlike him but that's beside the point I decide I want to write what's on my mind and what had happened in my life and it's been rough around the edges my life and I try to help my life so far with writing art photography music modelling and rap. That's how I do it as hotel Shemiah would say player way out create your way out paint your way out right away I'll raise your way out whatever create your way out you have to do something the channel that anger for that drama. And the Insane Clown Posse is more or less sang choose your fate when it comes to your anger check yourself before you wreck yourself kind of thing. And I believe and a lot of these sayings that these artists are more or less putting out in their lyrics. That's why I had some songs out there in the wheel in the sky song was just a song that I like that everything would be continuing even if someone has left I have dealt with loss many times with goldfish a grandmother even friend request rejections on Facebook from people I already know personally it hurts like a bastard. Excuse my language so this language might be a little disturbing for younger audiences and that's basically how it is. I would recommend new adult young adult or adult for this because this is not for people under the age of 16 I'll tell you that much with the language that I use at least a 16-year-old has said some bad words in her lifetime and heard some bad words but not overly under the age of 16 for sure. And my character is over the age of 16 as well in all aspects of the story I have been either verifying my age Through with grade that I've been going through whether be great eighth grade 7 grade whatever. I have had a lot of influencers noches writing influences like writers like Stephen kings Sylvia day and Romeo Dallaire as well as Lisa Scottline Judy called as well as violent J. But I have had said that some musicians that have foul language like the Insane Clown Posse violent J shaggy two dope and other Falmouth but honest you directions have said a lot of mouthful that have been needing to be sad So this is why I believe and swearing I don't believe you are to be overly swearing but in this case when I was angry and sadden by my mother's death I had decided I had to use the bad words in really bad words that had to come out of my mouth and to make my story a little more earthy because it really is rough around the edges on my diamond in the rough that's what it is and I want shine brightly that's why I have written these trilogy's and this is the second in this trilogy of Sophie's life book 3 is about my orientation just so you know and I am very interested in writing about that and very interested in seeing them go on this particular thing the last one was very disturbing the last work that I entered into the contest but this one I have only just a bad language and maybe some violence that I'll probably put in I don't incite violence I just try to be earthy about how I feel and say what I have to say. As my mental health worker used to say is it important to be feeling and acknowledging the emotions if it means saying oh fuck I'm gonna kick that guys ass or something then so be it I have to say it as it is because that's what it is about just trying to say what I'm trying to say about trying to tell a story that is true to its form except for the name of the character is not my legal name or my pen name but my spiritual name Sufi Mustafa. I'm also known as Sufi Spraggah bint Mustafa , in the hip hop world and yes I have created a band called siren zombies but that flew out the window along with my mother and I also created another band a hip-hop band because I'm more at even ground with hip-hop and wrap with my friend I cannot mention his real name because of privacy issues but anyway we discovered the band we created which is strawberry truth. I am hoping to have more collaborations with him as far as RAF is concerned that's how we became good friends. He is my Rafiki my friend. And that's basically the size of it because he got to know me and my triggers and everything else that I only know about myself you rap. RAF is a good way to help ease off tension and help deal with stuff that's going to help you in the long run it gives you discipline and action and gives you insight and how she tell other people how it is whether it's gonna be good or bad tell them what is on your mind say what you fucking have to say when you wrap because that's what it is today I wrapped about what I was thinking about PTSD there is not a goddamn get out of free jail card instead that is just something else all together it's something that is organic in the brain and medical terminology a chemical imbalance in the brain from dopamine serotonin and also nor coneferen that has been caused by trauma it is not a goal and do whatever the hell you want card or get out of jail free card or get out of trouble free card or depending on what fucking age you are. If you have to if you've done something wrong on up and take your alarms or do your time that's all I can say but if you're going to use mental illness as a fucking get out of free card I got something to say that is not gonna go well with me. Because it just perpetuates the stereotype that people with PTSD are violent uncreative psychopathic school shooters stranglers and serial killers which we are not. I have met many people with PTSD either from childhood trauma or terrorism and they have been nothing more than good enough people to be around and I'd consider them more than just friends but comrades in my war against the annoyance which is PTSD and also comrades and making them pains in the ass is also known as PTSD to be excepted into society and allowed as us to be valid human beings that's why I want to climb mount Everest I have many times mentioned this to my mother where I wanted to climb mount Everest to make this acceptance of PTSD and awareness of PTSD very important to me and make the statement right away. Because I am getting sick and tired of The Simpsons as much as I love some of their humour they have made us PTSD Warriors look like serial killers school shooters and other undesirables that really we are not as well as we've been treated like shit over the years. And we had to create a new entity called siren head we don't worship siren head but we decide that he exists because of our traumas every person that I mention about siren head to they say they also have PTSD which is weird enough as it is. I have also decided that I was going to go PTSD warrior seeking to find like-minded people. Not to be creepy but just to be friends because there are a lot of people that may have this condition that caused them a lot of grief but it doesn't have to cause them a lot of grief it just Hass to go and make them more creative and a better person as I said I can make your break you it depends on what you choose in your faith as Insane Clown Posse says check yourself before you wreck yourself is it really worth it to ruin your life no it isn't my is well worth to enhance your life to tell other people your stories and tell them what you've been through and shit that's what's important in life is making people aware of your story and telling your story and making your mark on the world I remember one worker saying you're gonna make more than just a fucking finger print on this planet and I laughed so hard and now I feel the fact that this might be happening. I remember this woman's name is Elizabeth T she was a very good person and she was the one that got me interested in IMVU to help me get back on Facebook years ago after the debacle when I was 30 years old she was a very good help and she was very helpful and understanding sometimes she didn't understand my cultures but she understood who I was as a human being. That's why it is important why am reading these foulmouthed stories about my life that are supposed to be true to form that's why are there foul language because I'm telling the truth as it is this is why I have to tell the fucking truth to say what has happened to me what's going on in my life what I do in my life how I go about my life with an honest and earthy way. I don't usually like to swear when I am writing or in public forums were in this case I have to learn rap when I'm telling my story even though this is fictionalize I tell my story as it is as it was supposed to be sad. Then I want to say now before I die at an old age or if I get run over by a bus one of the two I don't want to happen is my story and my legacy to go bye-bye Felicia so I end up telling it has her days with swearing and truthfulness. It might offend some people that are under the age of 16 or maybe people who are religious or atheist I'll just warn you about that I should I use some trigger warnings but that's beside the point. I wanted to be authentic and truthful about my life as possible just like in the other book I was trying to be very honest about who I was when I was a kid this is no different this is a jumbled up of present and past memories as well as what I was going through that made me move to a group home and then rekindle a relationship with an estranged brother. These are the things that are important in life that you need to experience getting out of a toxic relationship or a toxic environment one of the two trying to forgive people for what they have done wrong even though they are still good people this is what this is trying to explain that I have been nothing more than a friend Asa meaning a female name for heaven or paradise for those in Arabic excuse my writing spelling on that spot using my stinking microphone and I am not doing very well with that side of and I believe that if I tell my story as is I will go to photos or heaven excuse my spelling on the Arabic but that's basically yet I have been very interested in languages since I was down with a clown basically six years old in kindergarten when I decided to hear French I decided I wanted to see what other dialects were out there in the world soon I found out there was Chinese Japanese Spanish Chinese was hard Japanese was easy to get a hang off through movies and TV shows as well as I learn some Tibetan on YouTube, as well as song does Dzongkha and what is Bhutani and Hindi and other languages in the Asian area. I like to reach out to my ancestors through language and that's why I learn these languages but I also like to learn the language is native or indigenous languages of Canada I have learn how to say Megwood switches Thank you and Algonkin which is very interesting I learned that along time ago when I was not too long ago a month ago when I was going to do vegetables with my brother he volunteers to do vegetables. And I heard Meg Welch and I ended up singing what is that word meaning and I asked the girl he said it and she said in her name was me trying to be more privacy oriented she ends up saying well that means thank you in Algonkin. So I ended up picking up on that I wish I can learn more Algonquin. I like the native or indigenous people of Canada even though my brother thinks they're a bunch of ding bats that's besides his point but my point is they have a beautiful KarlsShare alcohol and drugs a side they have a beautiful culture that has been around there is nearly dying and I want to keep that going through shaman is your mother me Native American or Siberian shaman ism either way I have to keep certain things alive because they will go away very easily and be forgotten. I have heard about the simulating different cultures another white man calls the weather be the natives are the Asians are the Arabs are the blacks or the whatever the hell else is human. And that just pisses me off I don't think you should westernize someone because of of their damn DNA it's just who they are their culture the religion their language let them be and don't try to convert them or try to do anything that's where I agree with the atheists about the Catholics about trying to convert everybody well it ain't gonna happen they try to convert me it didn't work so I don't bother with the condo westernize people I've had one people named Cassandra who is trying to assimilate me to be in western and I told you to fuck off more than once but 1 million times since the past 13 years I met her. And I thought she was a pain in my ass and then she was a white supremacist and West supremacist Anez stupid Christian at my thoughts no offence to Sam there are some good questions out there that I believe that have been very nice to me like my friend Sonora but besides the point I don't like overly religious people and people who try to assimilate other people in a little white man or western cultures it's not right. As well as music should be for everybody it should not just be for Christians I believe that country music and fucking gospel music are no different from white power bands that it's spreading only one culture and trying to call out the other cultures one really what is music is supposed to be an international language is supposed to be who we are in as a people that's what it is. I don't believe in a simulating people through music or just saying well you should do that you should do that well if that be the case I tell you to fuck off right away or take your country gospel and white power music and fuck off because I am not going to have that music is supposed to be inclusive and not exclusive. I think music should tell the truth as it should be like my stories are trying to say what my my end of the truth is. And that's what it is supposed to be. When you're singing you're supposed to be expressing yourself and telling the truth about how you feel how you're acknowledging your emotions and shit that's basically what causes this stuff is creativity some people use it as propaganda and a simulation is retarded and stupid excuse my language is there again. I don't believe that you want to be going around wasting peoples time talking about Jesus or whatever and trying to shove things down other peoples throat assimilating and converting them I don't believe in that that's where I believe in the atheists but I don't believe in the atheist want to come socialist paranormal or the ghosts when really there's fucking evidence that there are ghosts and other shit around that you might not see just because you can't see it doesn't mean it ain't there are you sorry I don't mine isn't always the truth and I'm trying to say that even know religion and science is going to be flawed to the point where it could be a form of terrorism to if you let it be they are militant ACS I have learned that through Facebook my car to find my religion which was freak about and not about fucking AC is a more science I do believe in the science to appoint but after that it's a pilot hogwash shit. I can only believe in so much of one thing and then another and another thing I am not atheist I'm gonna spiritual and this is my spiritual side as well as me grieving for my mother this is my second trip in this series or trilogy and this is why I swear a lot is because I'm an angry person I'm a hardhead more or less to say. But I'm also very peaceful and very intelligent very nice human being that I has been around for quite some time but I have been through the war quite some time more than figuratively what about also emotionally as well. And spiritually as well as I've been squandered squish crush disappointed and many times I want to tell this so no one else Hass to go through what I go through I don't go on fucking dating sites because it's just gonna be a waste of time and a waste of energy try to work on yourself and try to help yourself instead of dating other people maybe that might help you that's what I think but I don't believe in dating sites anymore because they ruin the mental health of other people I myself included when I'm at this bread or be Lauren bastard I was just crashed and almost suicidal one he broke up with me and I told him I'm calling the fucking police on him. Just a scare them off to say that if he goes back on plenty of fish or plenty of fuckers as I caught that he was going to be arrested for sex offences that was the only time I ever told a lie and I was to scare someone Shit less. As far as this asshole is concerned I have dealt with him on the phone he has called me plenty of times trying to reason with me but I still say I'm fucking calling the police if you call me again I block his number but he makes another number it's very easy West second line and other stuff is very annoying I've made a second phone number as well from my Facebook verifications and stuff and it's very aggravating to have to do that I could only imagine people using that noxious for verification of identity on social media but to also fuck up somebody's life almost like cyber bullying like what Brett is doing to me I bet I'm hearing one of his fucking messages right now because he's saying he's fucking a girl half his age or something along those lines the story continues over and over again I can't believe this. But this is true this is a story that never ends kind of situation and it's going to be like that for quite some time. The explanation for this book or book series of the two trips at least of the series is that high have suffered a lot and survived a lot and survived despite circumstances with terrorism bullying and online dating and then now the loss of my mother I have been a hearty bitch and I've been very hardy for a long time and very stubborn and I am sad in my way I'm gonna make a 115 to make it my goal age goal when I decide to pass on or make my connecting flight to the next level in life and consciousness in other words in my death. I don't believe in dying at a young age I don't believe in dying prematurely or by suicide or homicide even though unfortunately these things do happen to some people. It has nearly happened to me damn near 100 times, so I need suicide because I've been giving death rats and stuff secularly on groups that I thought were penpal groups but we're turning out to be hate groups or bestiality groups and I say my piece and they lose their shit and tell me that I'm going to die and stuff it is very horrible to think that I could die very easily as someone say some age of 30 something but anyways I decided I'm still gonna be hardy and go against these groups and I go against Hatred not just hatred but also premature death by trying to live a good life I don't believe in very much of quality or quantity to the age where you are paranoid about everything but I just wanna enjoy my life as fucking use and milk it dry. I remember my father screaming in my ear why didn't you take that opportunity you should take more opportunities when they come up he was matter than a hornet that was the only time we agreed on one thing. I'm even that he was still an ass that was before he had dementia or his disability whatever you want to call it. So I ended up deciding to just deal with my life and I try to live life to the fullest and take every opportunity I can't even if it takes me all night to write a book then so fucking me yet that's what I have to do in order to win opportunities in life and to go and take it vantage of life I might have to lose some sleep or I might have to be as a crank stir mood crank store instead of gangster because that's what I am sometimes when I don't sleep but I have to tell the truth and tell my story as it is even though this is fictional character sous vide except for the name is also in my stage name for rap and hip-hop is still there it came to me in a dream one time Sufi the name bother grace of the universe and I believe that is why I should be called Sufi and why my character was named Sophie and I was told in that same dream that I had to be honest even though I have been honest all my life what do you tell the truth as it is and tell my story because my story is also down voice of many other people who suffer like me Weatherby through terrorism child abuse alcohol is in neglect or otherwise anything traumatic so I can get back to the world and say that I have left a legacy of some positivity to people that may not have that positivity even though there's a lot of fucking swearwords in this book that's beside the point there's a loss wearing it because it's half the stuff I write about makes me angry but I have to write about it to make a positive out of it. That's why I decide to do what I do sometimes I write fanciful stuff this time I write about stuff that is important that is needed to be said that will give voice to people who need to speak up and say well I've been through that shit before or I'm also auto romantic or I'm also LGBTQ and I need courage to say so that's why I write these Sufi books that's why I've been trying to write them and that's why I should be in the wattys.
Now I must warn you some of my writing might have some very bad spelling mistakes because I've been using the microphone to dictate my shit but anyway I'm trying my best at this and and I edit as much as possible so there you go. But I don't edit what I have to say in my life about my life or what's going on in my life because I want to be truthful and honest I remember going to see an author he said to not edit yourself or your stories what are your spelling instead. That was true I never edited myself my brother for example told me that I have enough tattoos I told him to leave me alone that I will decide when I had enough tattoos. That's one example of not editing my story or editing my life but I don't edit the story because of swearwords I want to tell the truth as a fucking is what the real Sufi Mostafa is or the real Elena melanson is or me Irene Melancon is my legal name so that's why I use the name Susie but I also use Sufi as my rap name. But anyway I use only my legal name just to say who I am my pen name to say who I am or when I'm at a doctors office or some thing that's about the size of it all. I do not bullshit people I say my name is Elena melanson when I need to say it I don't go around saying my name is Sophie like the character off of my books right now I tell it as it is just like I do in the stories. Most of the stories well most not most but all are all aspects of my life or events that happened in my life they're just fictionalized by a different name instead of using my legal name or my pen name or username Sufi which is my hip-hop name and spiritual name. You're wondering why I chose sous vide well because of the dream I had but also because I like the name Sophie it's very interesting and very mystical like the Islamic Sufi mystics I've been a very mystical person and very spiritual person in my life and believe in the paranormal as well as the spiritual and mystical side of things do I use magic mushrooms or drugs to enhance my consciousness no I do not I don't even like taking my own fucking PTSD medication so let's just face it I'm not a drug person being psychedelics or medication or a weed I don't believe in that shit so don't even bother with me on that. I am a 100% on board with the FBI when they say winners don't do drugs. And I say that again winners don't use drugs if you really wanna mystical experience me sober wanna get drunk get drunk off fucking wife do not go around getting high off of weed or anything just get high off of a bark that's what I think instead of drugs and medication I think there are crystals and other methods I'm using one of them right now called writing. And that is very important to me that I do this writing and where I have Wattpad to begin with. I know this is the longest all there is now but I have to say what I goddamn have to say because this is what I have to say about my story and that is the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth and that is the final straw there some of you might not like this box or you might say some offending shit about some of the stuff I say in this book in my story which is my life story which is a fictional memoir but besides the point I just saw and I decided I am going to not bother with the haters or the peanut gallery instead I decide that I am going to tell it as it is anyways. Whether anyone likes this book I don't care whether it wins the competition I don't care but what I'd care most is that I tell what needs to be said in the first place and only what is supposed to be said in the first place I don't believe in sugarcoating what happened to me or sugarcoating what happens to me in a day-to-day life if I say someone is being a shithead I'm telling you that someone's having a behaviour and they're being a shithead I don't believe in telling lies or being around the bush or sugarcoating shit sometimes you have to swallow lemons in order to wrap your lemons in order to survive a deadly disease and that is the same thing with life you sometimes it's a fuck off of a pill to take to read something that is so damn truthful I could be so sour at first but when you get a hold of it you might get a appreciation of the truthfulness and the earthiness of the story. That's why I swear in this story to get my point across I don't usually do that to say well I'm fucking fucking upset fucking that's fucking that type of thing I'm just trying to say well I'm just trying to be honest and trying to be honest about what has happened in my life as well as what happened in my life in general and what's going on in this case this is my mother's death and I say fuck the Grim Reaper and his rebel flag. I don't believe in the Grim Reaper very much I think he's an asshole that sounds childish ass but he is I have to go and make the best of life and try to be making opportunities for my life in order to go about my life as it is. I don't believe in sitting around living in fear Weatherby in fear of perverts online or in real life or in fear of disease or death I think you got a live life and take risks I'm taking risks by swearing in this book because I have to fucking say what I have to say because it's important for me. Life is about trying to make risks whether they be good or bad you take risks and you learn from them and you enjoy life afterwards or wanna go to Lassen afterwords want to go to. I believe that learning is not dress design for school or four educational purposes it's a lifestyle it's life is what it is you learn once you start to take your first breath and you stop learning when you take your last breath my mother had finished her journey and learning and that is basically it. As much as I'm gonna say this as it has a lot of foul language and sometimes some questionable things I said about my parents it is the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth this is what they have raised me to do tell the truth and nothing but even though I was not always open with them. I have that designated or dedicated this book to my mother Debbie melanson who has been nothing more than a pearl for me a Jupiter pearl or planet pearl she's been nothing but there for me since my first wisdom tooth but she'll be there when my wisdom tooth come out on the 24th I believe. That's what I believe in is that their spirituality and everything and anything just like what the indigenous people of Canada in the US believe and that the spirits are in the stars the trees whatever natural forces are out there this is not a pile of bullshit that the atheists are trying to say what is a good religion is shaman ism communism is what's going to get you out of life's doldrums and make you enjoy life and nature. In this case I was able and s t a r g a z e and enjoy the stars in the motor pause the ride with my grandmother's passing and knowing that she is in a better place and he's going to be the same way with my mother when I go stargazing or go on stargazing apps that this is why it is my mother is in a better place each star is a soul that is in a better place iPhone and I don't care if someone's house in the bank get those balls of dust and gas I guess souls the people that used to be here the good wholesome people not the bad people the bad people go to another realm I find and that is different in my own opinion I don't believe that they should be that good and bad should be up in the stars but the bad should be somewhere else and the good should be the stars and nature and stuff but the bad should be whatever fade hast to offer curveballs at life throws us that's what bad people are to us when they die. That's what it is to me and I believe that cold hardly that I know this might not make sense but I believe this wholeheartedly because of shaman ism. And I believe that this is important to believe and I'm not going to simulate end of my Chesaning or Siberian heritage when's dad trying to tell people and XP share to people with my life that I can only share I cannot share my shit but I can share my heritage and my experiences. As a song says in this one song I despise what is a good song it's not so tough to share your stuff it doesn't mean material things that sometimes means intellectual or life experiences or in this case as my friend who I wrap with his saying in life experience is very important to share. In life experiences what's gonna make you be the best person maybe even famous if you let it be good if not you're fucked up the ass. I hate saying these words and swearwords but I have to be very blunt and honest when I come and share my stories my life stories about my life and my experiences and my disappointments and tragedies in this case with my mother. I know I'm gonna have to go through this again with my father so there's no need more writing another book about that because he was a jack ass to begin with even though he taught me good wholesome things he still was an asshole who treated me like shit and slapped my brothers around. Among other stupid stuff he has done. So I don't bother with him too much as much as I love him I still hate him but I'm glad that the universe created him in away because if it weren't for him this series would not exist because it he taught me a love of learning at a young age but then he also told me that he was an asshole at an advanced age of 30 when I was trying to deal with shit and I was trying to go about my life and he just kept hammering at me so that's basically yet but I'm trying to highlight the positives about things but in this case this was more negative because of the passing of my mother. Do I still look at the big dipper yes I still look at the big dipper and look at it and Meyer is simplicity beauty and it's perfection as delicateness. It's as far as much is that I'm going to get a tattoo of it one day. You're wondering where my tattoo obsession came from I came from my father when he was a decent person before he became a hardheaded bastard he would buy me things from the these things called rub off tattoos or wash off tattoos from the dollar store and that's what got me interested in these tattoos now I have real tattoos I will continue to have real tattoos until the day I die. Because he taught me how to express myself that way that was the last thing he ever taught me how are you in that my mother took over most of the teaching of things emotionally he tried to teach me how to cook my father but that turn into a tragedy as well trying to cook your kids checking in and turn into a chicken hunting session as the Juggalos would say about people who yell at their children or yell at their children because they're not doing something right at the agent of 13 trying to learn how to cook with still and it is still traumatic I can watch people cook but I cannot do it myself even if I tried my damnness I am 911 in the kitchen and that is basically the size of it because I cannot stand cooking because my father used to yell at me all the time. But that is going to the story continues and continues as I mentioned this in my authors note. This is what happens when you're an asshole drunkard you are not losing your children he lost Brian John Mark and he lost me because I obviously will not deal with his bullshit anymore even though he is docile as a kitten right now I still find him as annoying as hell. I've been through this shit with my father. And I mean the shits where as I said he was like Madu where he get himself in trouble every time he turned around or farted. The last time I saw him he was as docile as a kitten and didn't know what the fuck was going on. It was as if he was a gentle guy that I knew as a kid was back but anyways his mind was gone he was a shadow of you in the asshole he was. My mother is now gone and she has survived a war zone just to get me and that's why I had to put her signature or forge her signature on my baseball the very first time I ever had a Ford hurt anyone signature. Is this very exciting for me to talk about no I want to talk about more positive things on the next walk and I hope to tell more positive things but that is beside the point I cannot help but feel sad and as I tell this aspect of my personality and the story about my mothers passing I still remember the day when I heard about her passing I was calling her tweedle doll and father Tweedledum to a social worker not knowing that my mother was already dead. And then I found out hours later from the visit with the social worker and my brother that my mother had passed and I felt like a shithead and a fool for calling or Tweedledum and Tweedledum but I was angry because she did not keep records of my goddamn diagnosis is which drove me nuts. If anything I want to dedicate this book to my mother and partially to my father as I said I have dealt with many things as far as loss is concerned being left for dad and also losing friends because well I'm just me but anyways I decide to MoveOn and try to live a happy decent life as it is try to choose your fate wisely try to be happy stay low that's all I can doubt ready to say without crying right now but I have to say this right now is that I have been through a lot of misery in my life and the only person that was a beacon of hope for me was my mother if it weren't for my mother I probably would've been a criminal by now. A full-fledged yeah Cusa and I will be in Japan right now because of it if it weren't for my mother. She had seen me through some shitty times he seen me through some good times she has seen me through times of the self discovery. She is seen me convert to different religions so many goddamn times it's not even funny. She's seen me quiver whenever I see a balloon animal and get frightened because of my PTSD. She would always call me down so I don't worry about it but then the balloon would pop and I would freak out anyways and she be there to comfort me anyways but then another balloon would pop and she'd be there to come for me for that as well. As far as Rain Man is concerned I only have the memory of Rain Man I don't have his personality essay I just have his photographic memory and that's what makes these books important because I want to tell my story as I see it as it is. What I see and tail and smell E breeze is the truth is nothing more than being brutally honest sometimes even about my own self as much as I love myself as an auto romantic that is my second or third final topic about this series is concerned. As me being auto romantic. And that's basically the size of it I believe that we are to be more trustworthy with each other and not be so angry and hateful to each other that swear politics and religion and atheism get into play and that's where wars get started and I don't believe in wars because wars cause you know what PTSD. And my mother has been around being very loyal to me most of the time since I have had PTSD which is since she met me and Romania. This is no bullshit this is the legal stuff now the nonfictional I stuff I was born in Romania and laugh for dad she brought me up after adopting me and she tried her best only the few mistakes was the guy from Burkina Faso the jihadist and taking me to stupid fucking Catholic school which was not very good now are there bad Catholics no there aren't but there are some bad Catholics like there's bad and everybody and everything I'm just gonna tell you that right now. My brother says there's more badness world and there is God but I'd like to debunk that mouse in the next bark when I tell these story of myself discovery and how I found myself as who I am romantically and sexually. I hope you enjoy these books even though some of them are a little abrasive with the language they are what they are they are the truth and nothing but. Just like my band strawberry truth I only fucKing truth as it is as I see it. Weatherby siren head or a balloon popping I know what I see or hear or experience and that's basically yet.
The Catholics believe that you should not waste your talents that's why I joined Wattpad and started writing because I knew I had a knack for it. And want to turn the positive into more positive and the negative into a positive instead of being sorry for myself all the time. I also believe that I wanted a ride to help with omission as much as I'm not a Christian or Catholic or religious in anyway omission is when you decide not to do anything and I decided me the voice of people like me who may not have a voice who are not as lucky as I was to make it out of the bad situation so that's why I've written this book writing these books in the first place. The real soon is if you do not any religion if you do not speak up for the people that don't have a voice people that are either similar to you or not I couldn't be a friends of pathologist because of my ethnicity and because of my hatred of doctors but I decided to tell the truth until the story about people like me whether they're dead or alive living happy or sad the people that have committed suicide or the people who haven't. This is my way of trying to be a beacon of hope even though it's rough around the fucking hedges. I hope you enjoy these boards I know the swearing is a little much but try to overlook him if you can't stand the swearing. But other than that I try to be very good person the only bad habit I have is wearing. And that's because I have to tell the truth about everything and your honest way I know how. Until the next book

Jamila