sufi | book 2

finding a foul

Now you're probably thinking that I really screwed up on this one finding a foul but I mean a foul ball during one of the Ottawa Titans games. I had a funny feeling that day that I was going to get a foul ball. I've been eyeing the sky as well as the game during this second game of the summer to see if any fouls were going to come my way. Some people call them foul balls I call them airplanes because well when you go to the airport you get excited when you get afoul you're getting a little strange coincidence and you get excited as well so I may as well just call them airplanes but if they go all over the place.   I was also going to decide to get the rest of my autographs at the game so the next time I go to the game it would be a lot just sit and watch and enjoy the game kind of thing so that was good. But I did not expect that the Powerball was going to come to me literally at my feet or I had to come to it. This is going to be the weird part and weird in a good way not in a sick way. I was wearing a pair of mountaineering shoes and had a book and I had popcorn in the next thing you know a foul was coming my way it knocked on the wall and then the next thing you know I ended up going with my stuff sailing across the seats that were we're not crowded with people and finally making it to the fireball before some snot nose kid got a hold of it. But one said I'll give you 20 bucks for the ball. But I knew that ball was going to be worth more than my weight and gold because it's something you don't find every day and it's one of the memorabilia things. I like to collect memorabilia whether it be from musicians artists or in this case baseball teams. It was very interesting when I was sailing across a bunch of seats and flipping and climbing across these seats and finding the ball right literally next to my nose as I fell off one of the chairs trying to get at it. When I got it some kids said I'll give you a five bucks for it or 20 bucks I didn't really give a shit the time.  And when I picked up the ball and he offered me the money I ended up telling him no thank you this is mine. And went on my Merry way back to my seat with my friend Tamara. Tamara was the one that was bringing us to the games. Was hell on Earth was happening to me no but was my mother trying to tell me that she was going to be okay I think so it was just her way of saying so by getting me what I want you to read the way she usually does it like giving me what I want in the first place. A little note is that I was a spoiled brat when I was a kid and would always get or find a way to get what I want and usually my parents particularly my mother would say yes you can have whatever you want. Whether it be tattoos or otherwise she allowed me to get it and I never heard the word no except for my snot-nose father. Don't get me started on him sometimes he can be a pain in the ass. And I didn't want to have to say that because he has a profound disability now but when he didn't he was a pain in my butt even though he taught me how to read and write, stargaze and do astronomy: still he was a pain in my ass.    My father and I never got along very well. Number one his atheism number two my PTSD. Which my ding dong parents did not decide the document. I'm trying to move in with my brother and one of the things that I have my stuff come and I don't mean my belongings but my paperwork come to Ottawa and it's very annoying that this is happening that they did not document anything about my PTSD or Asperger's it was so annoying if I didn't have a bastard of a memory I would be up a creek. I'm going to tell you the reason why I have PTSD and it's very easy to find out I did not relate to myself with Rain Man as I said with the other book but with a certain Lieutenant General named Romeo Blair who was someone who went to Rwanda and sacrificed his mental health and well-being for the betterment of humanity as a peacekeeper. He wrote a book about shake hands with the devil that was the name of the book about the Rwandan Genocide and I was able to relate more to him than I was to fucking Rain Man.    I Have Seen the Rain Man movie and let me tell you he never had a depressing moment in his life where does I had depression and dark thoughts all the time when I was younger and I was wondering why and then when I was able to relate to Romeo Delirious I was like what. Bingo PTSD and I was able to try to fight for the right diagnosis. That's when I decided really act up just to get a hold of a diagnosis that was so needed in the first place. I would not suggest if you have PTSD that acting an animal would be the best way to get your diagnosis. But I had to do what I had to do to get my point across that I did not have the same condition as rain man but instead I had ADHD and PTSD that was the size of it. I can go on and on about this topic about Miss diagnosis and stuff I even today wrapped about what I think about PTSD which is just big emotions and big nightmares and that is not a get out of jail free card or get out of trouble-free card it's just what it is a mental illness or a condition or disability and it should not be abused as a way of getting out of your responsibilities for your actions. A lot of people over the years have used PTSD as an excuse for doing stupid stunts and stupid stuff but I use PTSD as an excuse to write this book. And say what's going on in my major points in my life. I don't believe in making yourself feel sorry for yourself or making yourself look like a psychopath when he can actually create play or paint your way out or Draw your way out in this case with me right my way out. This is something that I've been very passionate about was PTSD and still is and that I believe that people with PTSD should be seen as valid. And as human beings only. I want to climb Mount Everest one day to make that statement clear that people with PTSD are only human beings not serial killers Psychopaths stranglers or anything of the sort. We are not unsavory kind of people we're just people that happen to have intrusive memories. In the last book I told you what happened to me that caused comorbid and complex PTSD.
Now back to the foul ball. I ended up deciding after I got the foul ball I ended up sitting and eating the rest of my popcorn I'm sorry if this doesn't make too much sense talking about foul balls and then PTSD and then back to foul balls again. But this was a strange one was that I ended up on the big screen one corner gets said foul ball I thought this has to be a PTSD flashback not trying to make fun of anything but just trying to say that I am not believing half the crap that I'm going through this late and that I have been really weirded out by the positivity even though somebody is on the way out let's say. So I just didn't believe half the positive things that were going on and thought I had covid still do at this point. As I find out that I have been accepted to a writing contest the biggest writing contest of the year and I still think I'm losing my marbles or have a fever but I don't I feel like a million bucks so what the hell.