I Hate Love✅

20. Real Talk

Not that she compared what she had to Icee and Kitty...she didn't try anyway, but there was no mistaking that she had nothing compared to all that Icee and Kitty had.

Kitty was only a few weeks older than her, and Icee a little over a year, and they had accomplished so much more. She even started earlier than them both, at fourteen, and they still amassed more than she had right now.

A failed singing group. Multiple failed relationships. No record deal. No man. No family. No anything that someone should have at her age. She had her whole life ahead of her still, but what would that look like? Be alone forever? No man? Okay, maybe she could deal with that. No family?

Children were never on her radar. She never wanted to be a mother, because she had no idea what being a mother meant, growing up with none. She barely liked kids before Kitty's kids came into the picture. How she felt about that could change obviously, if she met the right person.

She could not say a hundred percent what she wanted.

She had no idea. All she knew was that she wanted to be happy, and right now, she was in so much pain.

A knock on the door and it opened. She quickly wiped at her tears and sat up in the bed. It was Kitty, all alone.

"Girl..."

"Kitty, don't, I'm just emotional for no reason. I'm fine."

"No you aren't, that's why you're here."

"I'm here because you needed me and to see the babies."

"You know I know how to handle my kids just fine. With Icee and the help...that's not why you flew out here while you were having fun in L.A. with your girls." Kitty walked over and sat in the bed with her. "Tell me what's up."

"Don't you have to get back to the babies? They need you."

"Icee has them, and if he can't handle all three at once, there's a problem. Plus there's Deana if he needs an extra pair of arms. He's fine, the babies are fine...are you fine?"

"Kitty, I'm just a mess, there's been so much going on, I don't even know where to start."

"Duh, at the beginning."

"The beginning? When I first had a dream I wanted to be a big-time singer! I've always wanted it, Kitty. To be on stage, singing my heart out. And it wasn't in a group. That wasn't my dream. I mean...not knocking how it happened, I'm grateful for Petite Trois, but just know that was not my dream."

"Fair enough."

"I think self-imploding the group was my chance to see if I had what it takes. Not lean on M'Liyah or Melody and their voices and likability. They were always more likable than me, and I get it. I was the rash, in-your-face, bad attitude, little girl. They were not fighting to be in my fandom."

"You can't win over everyone, of course, you know that in this business, Gin," Kitty said to her. "You have a fanbase, and they love you. Me included. When I first saw you ladies perform, little fifteen-year-old me, my eyes went to you. You were more like me, and I could relate to that."

"I don't want my hardships to be my only story. All that mess with Spitfire, Craig...I'm glad no one knows all about that except my closest peeps. Imagine if it was out there, no one would want to work with me...well, I'm in that boat now."

"What do you mean?"

"No one wants to work with me. I can't get signed by a major."

"Oh, I don't believe that!"

She looked down at her raggedy fingernails. She needed a filler, or get those bad boys redone. She wondered if they had a place in country ass Springfield she could get a cute set.