HEAVEN BE WITH YOU

HBWY 49

Tumigil ako sa aking paglalakad.

"Zamir!" I called him. Nauna kasi siya naglakad sa akin, excited yata bumalik kung saan niya nakita si Marcus. Kinawayan ko siya upang lumapit muli sa akin. "Baby, come here!"

I smiled when I looked at his grumpy face while stepping toward me.

"Mama don't call me baby anymore. I'm a big boy na"

I kneel when he reached in front of me to level his height.

I tenderly pinched his both cheeks. "You still my baby, anak. Even if you're going to be taller than me. My baby Zamir."

He pouted his lips. He got more irritated of what my last phrase. Subalit, tinawanan ko lamang siya. Ang sungit na man maasar ng baby ko.

"I have something to ask you"

"What is it, mama?"

"How did you know about Marcus?"

"You mean, Papa Marcus" He corrected me.

I nod.

"Who told you that he's your Papa?"

"No one, mama," He shook his head. "I just assumed that he is my papa po"

I furrowed my forehead. If no one tells him, how can he assume that Marcus is his father? I didn't give him any idea or trace about Marcus.

Ang aking pagtataka ay sinagot niya din kaagad. When he gets something from his pocket. It was a small picture, he showed it to me.

"Because of it po, Mama. When I saw him in that picture I know that he was my Papa. We have the same features. I am his young version po. Right, Mama?"

I was astounded to be familiar with the picture. It was a picture that I am looking for long time ago, I thought I lost it. Nasa anak ko lang pala.

"Where did you get this?"

The photo was our picture together with Marcus when we trespass on the lake here in a hacienda. Naiiling na lamang ako habang inaalala ko 'yon, hinabol pa nga kami ng aso.

"It just suddenly fell po, when I was playing back then. Then, I keep it and didn't tell you about it. Every time I go to bed I look at his face first before I sleep. I keep the picture so that I can remember him that he's my Papa"

I caressed his face. I can feel that he was longing for a father-his biological father. Akala ko ay okay lang sa kaniya na hindi makilala si Marcus, dahil hindi na man siya nagsasabi o nagkuwento about what or who was like his father or even wanting to meet him.

Akala ko kuntento na siya na mayro'n siya Dadi Lyric at Papsi Shan. Hindi ko alam na gusto niya pa rin pala makita at makilala ang Papa Marcus niya.

"I'm sorry, baby for not telling you about him" I apologized, feeling guilty that he longed for Marcus, but just keep it himself. I should have noticed. I should have known about it.

"I understand po." He formed a small on his lips. "I know you have a reason po. It's fine with me po"

"Do you want me to introduce you to him?"

Kung gusto niya talaga makilala si Marcus, ibibigay ko iyon sa kaniya. Maybe, it's the right time to let Marcus know that our son is alive.

"I would love that po, mama. But, if you're not yet ready, let's not force it po. Just introduced me to him when you are okay with it. When you're already ready na po."

"If still hurt pa po there." He pointed to my heart. "Don't pressure yourself to make me reunited with him po."

I feel a tiny tears streaming down on the side of my eyes. Naiiyak ako sa sinabi ng aking anak. He's understanding of everything. Na sa mura edad niya naiintindihan niya ang nararamdaman ko kahit hindi ko sabihin. Naiintindihan niya ang lahat ng nangyayari. The

"Thank you for understanding, baby." I kissed his forehead. "I love you"

"I love you too, mama. Always and forever po"

He bestowed me a hug. I am grateful that he's my son. My angel. My everything.

Pinuntahan namin ang kinaroroonan ni Marcus. Buo na ang aking loob, today I will introduce Zamir to him. Subalit nang makarating kami ay wala kami naabutan Marcus.

"I thought your Papa Marcus is here?"

"He may be left na po" I can sense sadness while he uttered it. Nawala ang kinang sa mga mata niya kanina nang sabihin ko ipakilala ko na siya kay Marcus. Bahagya siya yumuko.

I hold his chin to lift his head. Namumula ang kaniyang mga mata at ilong. He cried quietly.

"Don't worry, baby you can still see him. Hahanapin natin siya, pupuntahan natin kung na saan man siya para makilala mo na siya"

Tumatango lang siya.

"Nakausap mo ba siya kanina?" tanong ko sa aking anak habang naglalakad kami patungo sa bahay. Hawak ko ang kanan kamay niya.

"Yes, po. But, it's just a short while po"

"What did he say?" kuryoso usisa ko. ."...when he sees you"

"Nothing. He just approached me to ask if I know you po, then he told me that I inform you that he's waiting for you there. 'Yon lang po, mama"

Malabo na man hindi makilala ni Marcus na anak niya si Zamir. Magkamukha sila. Wala man lang ba siya sinabi iba tungkol sa anak ko. Hindi niya man lang ba ito niyakap. Hindi man lang ba niya tinanong si Zamir kung sino ang mga magulang niya. Hindi man lang ba niya tinanong ang bata kung sino siya o ano pangalan niya.

If he recognized my son, he won't leave. He will wait for me to arrive. Inaasahan ko pa na ngayon 'pag nagkita kami ay susumbatan niya ako kung ba't itinago ko ang katotohanan tungkol kay Zamir. Or maybe he recognizes it, but just acts like he didn't. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang tumatakbo sa kaniyang isipan nang makita niya anak ko.

Nakausap ko si Nay Erma, totoo nga pumarito si Marcus pero kaagad din umalis. Napatingin ako sa aking phone na nakalapag sa counter. Shan was calling.

"Hey, Shan" I uttered on the other line. "Napatawag ka?!"

[May nakalimutan pala ako ipaalam sa 'yo about Marcus. I know it's kinda five years late.]

Umayos ako nang upo. Bigla ako naging interesado sa sasabihin ni Shan. Mas lalo na binanggit niya si Marcus, gayon may konti inis pa rin siya sa lalaki. At bigla iniungkat ang limang taon nakalipas na.

[But, I know it can still help your happiness, and for both of you.]

"What is it, Shan?!"

Ewan ko ba pero bigla ako kinabahan sa susunod na sasabihin niya. When I heard what Shan told me. Mas lalo lamang lumakas ang kabog sa aking dibdib, and I was stunned to speak.

"That night, Marcus didn't abandon you. He didn't choose Eva over you. He's the one who brings you to the hospital. Siya ang nagligtas sa inyong dalawa ng anak mo."

***