Saints or Sinners | {BOOK 3}

3| Wishful Thinking

When we got back to Bobby's, the house was empty. Which was bad because Bobby had called us to tell us he left Sam alone while he went to check out a potential Leviathan thing at the hospital. So, Dean went to track down his brother while I stayed behind with the kids. Maddie ran up to her room without speaking to me which left me alone with Zep.

"Hey, little big man," I cooed, taking him out of his car seat. "You ready to eat some more? Yeah, there you go."

After feeding him and getting him a fresh diaper, I sat and rocked him for a little bit while humming Metallica.

"I'm scared, buddy," I told the sleeping baby after a few minutes. "There's just so much going on right now. I have to worry about you all the time while Dean and Bobby juggle this whole Leviathan mess. Then there's this craziness with Sam. And to make matters worse, your sister has started asking questions."

I sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of Zeppelin's head.

"Why can't our lives just be simpler, huh? You know, your dad and I got out for a little while with your sister. We had a house, Dean had a job. A real job that actually pays the bills, not this job that we've had our whole lives. If we could go back to that, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Part of me knows I never could, though, even if the option presented itself.

"It's like Dean kept saying during that year we had off. You can't always outrun the past. It finds a way to catch up to you, eventually. That's why I could never go back to the domestic life. Our past caught up to us once, and now that we've been pulled back in, it would be a lot harder to turn my back on it a second time.

"You know, I love you and your sister so much, and I wouldn't give either of you up for anything, but part of me wishes I had never had you just so you wouldn't have to be dragged into all of this. Sam, Dean and I were all raised in the life from such a young age and I'd give anything to not have you or Maddie go through what we did. But it's kind of too late now."

Just then, I heard noises coming from outside the house. Standing up gently so I wouldn't wake up Zep, I headed to the door and looked through the peephole. Some strangers were standing in the yard and one of them grabbed a can of gasoline and a lighter from inside a car.

"Maddie?! Maddie, come on downstairs. We've gotta go!" I called up to her.

"Mommy? What's going on?" Maddie asked, appearing at the top of the stairs holding her bear and her angel doll.

"The bad guys are outside. We've gotta head out through the back, okay? Do you trust me?"

Maddie nodded her head, hurrying down the stairs toward me.

"Okay. Okay, come on."

Supporting Zep in my arms, I led Maddie out the backdoor as quietly as I could.

"What about-?" Maddie started asking.

"Shh. Don't make any noise," I whispered. "We've just got to go, alright?"

She nodded again, and I led the way through the winding maze of a scrapyard further and further away from the house. A few minutes later, the smell of wood burning met my nose and I glanced back to see smoke rising into the air.

"Mommy?" Maddie asked worriedly.

"Shh, it's okay, darling," I assured her. "Everything's going to be just fine."

I cradled Zep in one arm while hugging Maddie to my side with the other while we watched the smoke cloud grow bigger and bigger.

⁘

Maddie had fallen asleep against me on the ground and I was cradling Zeppelin to my chest just waiting. The smoke had died down about an hour earlier, but I didn't want to wake either of them. Then I heard the tell-tale rumble of the Impala's engine nearby.

"Maddie. Maddie, wake up," I whispered. "Daddy's back."

Maddie groaned, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

"Daddy?" she asked sleepily.

"Come on, let's go find him," I told her.

She followed me back through the maze back toward the house. It didn't look as bad as I had pictured in my head, but it was still awful. The Impala was parked out front and there was no sign of Sam or Dean.

"Ellie?!" Sam called.

I turned to see him jogging up from a different area of the yard.

"Hey, Sam," I greeted him. "Where's Dean?"

Just then, Dean walked out of the remains of the house.

"Hey, any sign of-" he cut himself off, seeing me standing there with the kids. "Oh, thank God."

He ran over, pulling me into a hug and then kissing me hard before picking up Maddie and squeezing her tightly.

"Did Bobby get back yet?" he asked me.

"I haven't seen him, no," I shook my head.

"Damn it," he swore under his breath.

He set down Maddie and whipped out his phone while Sam jogged off to keep looking around for Bobby.

"You cannot be in that crater back there. I can't... if you're gone I swear I'm gonna strap my Beautiful Mind brother in the car with Ellie and the kids and I'm going to drive us off the pier.  You asked me how I was doing? Well, not good! Now you said you'd be here. Where are you?!"

Dean hung up and then turned to face me. I was just staring back at him with wide eyes and my mouth open.

"Ellie, I-"

"Don't," I hissed.

"Ellie-" he tried again.

"I said don't, Dean," I snapped. "Now you just stay away from me and my kids."

"Ellie, please," Dean begged.

"Maddie, come on," I said.

"Ellie, please, no."

I didn't say anything else, just grabbing my daughter's hand and dragging her along with me and Zep toward the entrance of the scrapyard.

"Ellie!" Dean yelled after me. "Eleanor, come on! I didn't- I didn't mean it. Please, come back!"

"Mommy, where are we going?" Maddie asked me timidly.

"Away," I replied.

"Eleanor! Eleanor!!"

I didn't look back. I didn't acknowledge him in any way. I didn't stop until the sound of his voice had faded into the distance. I finally stopped to rest at a bus stop several blocks away. I didn't care that all we had were the clothes on our backs and Maddie's stuffed animals. I didn't care that I didn't even have a phone since I had left it inside when I escaped out of the house with Maddie and Zep. All I cared about was that I had my children and we were far away from that bastard who wanted to kill himself and bring his family down with him.