Tommyinnit's top ten ways to save the world

Sign your soul to the devil and get twenty percent off at Walmart

You know, sometimes things don't always go the way you plan. And sometimes it's not your fault.  But this time it was, apparently. And Tommy was not ok with that. 

"Look, how was I supposed to know that you wanted to keep the spatula! It's all slimy and gross and shit!" Tommy shouted.

"You were supposed to know because I put a label on it! And the label said, "DO NOT TOUCH" in big bold letters!"

"Well, obviously the letters weren't big enough, boob boy, 'cause I didn't fucking see them!"

"That isn't my fault!" Ranboo protested.

"Yes the fuck it is!"

"You still broke my spatula though!"

"It was disgusting! You should be thanking me!"

"But it was my spatula! And I don't have another one!"

"As I said, it's because the letters were too-"

"Will both of you shut the fuck up!" Tubbo interrupted, swinging his chair around and glaring daggers at them.

"No, I won't! I did nothing wrong and am being falsely accused!" Tommy declared, ruffling his wings indignantly.

"You're not being falsely accused!"

"Yes I am! I did absolutely nothing! Isn't that right Tubbo! Tubbo, it's Ranboo's fault for having such small handwr-"

"I don't care, stop shouting."

"I'll stop shouting when justice is served!"

Tubbo ignored the shouting avian and turned to Ranboo, who was standing in the corner, curling his tail around himself and hunching over.

"What did he do this time?"

"HEY! Don't ask that dickhead! He'll feed you his woeful tales of lies! He'll turn you against me! He'll-"

"TOMMY SHUT UP!" Tubbo shouted, before turning back to Ranboo and giving him an apologetic look.

"Go on boss man. What'd Chicken Child do this time?"

"OI FUCK YOU I AM NOT A CHCIKEN, I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT, I AM A GRACEFUL AND BEAUTIFUL OWL!"

Ranboo sniffled

"He broke my spatula."

Tommy scowled at a pair of rats fighting over a bread crumb.

It's not my fault Ranboo has tiny ass writing! Why does he want a spatula so badly anyway? I mean if it was cobblestone? Understandable, have a nice day. But a fucking SPATULA? And a slimy one at that? What the fuck? What's a spatula even for? To flip things over? Use a fork, fucking pussy.

After the fight he had with Ranboo, Tubbo had kicked him out of the house with four dollars and a very disappointed, 'go buy the man a spatula.'

And now he was walking to the 'open 24/7' Walmart at 10pm.

Where his wings would get all messed up.

And he was probably going to get mugged in a dark alleyway.

And die.

To the hands of some fucker with a spatula.

Tubbo better play Able Sisters at my funeral. Or Wii Shop theme. Also, I want my body to be put on a crane and flung around, just to fuck with people.