I'm Just Curious Too: Reconciliation

Chapter 13.2

Shaun exited the house in a hurry. His fists were balled and his head ached after getting in to another argument with his father. The man was bed ridden but each passing day he became more volatile, keeping Shaun on edge. His mother often ended the disputes between them and she could tell that Shaun was running thin on patience. He kept asking her to suffocate him with a pillow, which she harshly chastised him for. It's often the ones who are vocal about such desires that are suspected if anything does happen to the victim, so to avoid throwing fists in what would be an unfair match, Shaun dressed, gave his father a middle finger and marched on out of the house. He wanted to cancel his plan to see Fabien, but that action was hesitated on. The chances that Fabien would agree to meet him weren't certain so he advised himself that the flare should pass and he should keep his commitment. However, it didn't pass and he ended up smoking like a chimney on his way to meet Fabien.

He stopped outside the appointed café but hesitated. All within him had stiffened his movements and the whole drive over was done under agitation with a constant need to convince himself not to turn in to the other lane and just end it all. His mind had gone in to overdrive. Shaun knew he was defeated. The resolve was to send a quick message over to Fabien to cancel the meeting before he switched off his phone, his head coming up with numerous possible responses that he could receive from Fabien – which were all negatives. Fuck.

Gripping the steering wheel till his knuckles blanched, Shaun leaned forward and took a shaky deep breath. The mantra's he was told to recite were unnerving him. The thoughts were over crowded. His space felt smaller - and it all concluded to the allowance of the turmoil to possess him instead of fighting it off. There was nothing he wanted to do that could stop it anyway, so he abruptly sat back and shifted his car in to gear before he skidded out of the cafés lot. He resisted the urge to crash his car in to anything and resorted to parking at a park that was often vacant but up kept for the occasional events that took place there. He leaned his head back on the seat and took in deep breaths, lighting another cigarette and drawing in a deep breath before blowing the smoke out of the open window. His only consolation was the fact that this was something that would pass. His ability to hold it in would recover after some alone time, so he allowed the horrible thinking to turn in to mutter and release. That was his only fix after refusing to remain medicated.

.....

Time had passed on and the day had darkened while Shaun had made his way back home: slow driving in sparse traffic with his head in the clouds. He was drained, emptied of all he held within and partially aware of what he was doing. He got out of the car and slammed the door, leaning on it to steady himself before he groaned and placed his head on the cool top of his vehicle.

Just get to the bed and try again tomorrow.

Shaun took a deep breath and pushed off the car, taking a slow trek to the door and entering the kitchen. He noted that the house was quiet - not a tv on or an argument to be heard. That was strange at this hour. His mother emerged then, as if she sensed his arrival. She had a grey sweater on with black slacks and slippers – her purse clutched under arm. Her eyes locked with Shaun and widened, surprised to see her son with heavy eyelids and somber.

"Shaun?"

"Hm," he sounded, rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand. "You're going somewhere?"

She neared him slowly and reached her hand out to cup his cheek gently, checking his face as if he had a bruise on it.

"I'm going to the hospital. Your father was taken there because he had a sharp pain that his meds weren't easing. What's wrong Shaun?"