The joys of sharing your life with a cat are truly boundless.
Cats get a reputation for being low to high-maintenance, independent, and overall easy to take care of - and while there may be grains of truth to these stereotypes, it's certainly not al...
"Hey Lisa, we're just here if you need us". Jisoo told me. We're currently on a phone call. I got back in Seoul last night and got back to work today.
"Do you want to go out later?" Seulgi asked
"I am okay guys, let's just focus to work. Promise, you're the first people to know if I need help "I reassured them. We finished the quick catch-up meeting. Our London Project is about to end.
Still no text or calls from Jennie. It's been 5 days when she left. I tried giving her a call but her phone is out of coverage. Until I got tired. It is what it is. Tried asking Irene as well but she said the same thing.
I don't know what to feel know. If I'm worried that something might happened to her, if it's anger, if I'm sad.
I always read and hear this that what doesn't kill you make you stronger. What if now, I don't want to be stronger? What if, for now I just want not to see her face when I close my eyes? Or when I hear that one song, or when I sat it my room where we used to cuddle. What if instead of being stronger, I wish to simply make it through one day without so many tears, or quite so much regret. What if instead of strength, I just like the ability to not to constantly refresh her social media, sift through the memory box for the millionth time, or replay that last conversation in my mind yet again. What if I just what to feel like a person again. A person who maybe never met her because I didn't feel like this before she did this. What if I'd like permission to not necessarily be weak, but to just feel weak? At least for now, while it's all just so raw and fresh and the pressure of being stronger is just a little bit more than I can handle. What if I just feel what I feel now and let strength come later.
I put down the mouse that I'm holding as I close my laptop and throw myself to my bed.
Aunt Dara has been constantly checking on me because she's also worried but I told her that I am okay and I just want to be alone for now to think and figure out things.
"Lisa, sorry I know you want to be alone. But I brought you snacks, eat first. It's been days that you're not eating properly". Aunt Dara soft knock to my door as she entered
"Thanks, Aunt Dara". I gave her a small smile as I sat down to my bed. She put the food on my side table and sat beside me.
"Lisa, I know how much you love Jennie. And I saw how Jennie loves you. Maybe sometimes in our life we have this kind of wrong timing. Remember, you are allowed to be upset when someone hurts you. You are not obliged to constantly take on the role of the bigger person and invalidate your own feelings. There is no need to go immediately searching for the lesson in hurt or thanking the one who hurt you for gifting your resiliency. You are allowed to fee hurt. Betrayed. Wounded. You don't have to swallow the pain. You don't have to let it simmer within you, only to bubble up when you least expect it. The feelings of those who hurt you are not more important than your own. You don't owe her forgiveness. You don't owe her grace. You don't owe her understanding. You owe yourself all of that. You owe yourself the freedom to honor your feelings". Aunt Dara told me as she gave me a hug.
This time the tears that I wanted to let out in the past few days and night, poured continuously like a rain. I'm having a hard time in breathing as I sob in between of my cry.
Aunt Dara comforted me. I am always thankful of her presence even before until now. I still consider myself lucky for having this guide of support system, from Aunt Dara and to my small circle of friends.
I ate the small amount of food that Aunt Dara brought me. After our short talk, she leaves me alone so I can process my thoughts and emotions. I told my boss that I have to take a half day since I am not really feeling emotionally and mentally well.
I sleep in the afternoon. It's the only way for me to ease the pain, to forget her.
It's already 7 PM when I woke up because of my phone's notification.
It's Jennie.
"Hon, I'm sorry. Let's talk, please?".
The one who causes me pain is the same medicine to ease it.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
