TW: pill taking/self harm
I woke up and looked at my clock it read: 9:15am. I groaned and rolled over the sunlight hitting my face, i groggily picked up my phone and looked through my messages. I saw one from milo, I quickly opened it up.
Good morning luv ❤️🔥
I squealed. Omg she called me love. (I love being called that stuff)
Good morning beautiful.
She didn't respond. Oh no. Did I take it to far. Shit shit shit. I pulled my knees to my chest and laid my head on them, WHY AM I ALWAYS FUCKING THIS UP!!
"TAYLOR!! GET UP HERE!!!" I heard my mom shout.
"COMING," I yelled back. I picked my self off my bed, "hey Alexa, turn on Tay's bedroom light," I said and walked to my staircase. I opened the door.
"Hi baby," my mom said and smiled.
I replied with a smile. "Hi momma," I said.
"You need to take your meds," she told me.
"Okay," I replied. I walked over to the counter and grabbed the pill bottle, I took one out and put it in my mouth and swallowed. I turned back to my mom, "hey, are you making breakfast?" I asked.
"Yes I will in just a bit, do you wanna start coffee for me?"
"Yes, ofc," I said. I made the coffee as mom made pancakes and bacon.
"Hey baby, can you go grab your brothers for me?" She asked me, I replied with a nod and headed to the back rooms. I opened both of the doors and told my two brothers that it was ready. I walked back out into the living room and grabbed myself some pancakes. "No bacon?" My mom asked.
"No the Adderall had been making it hard for me to eat lately," I told her and sat at the table.
"That's not good, maybe we should try turning down the dose a little?" She suggested.
"No mom I'll be okay," I told her while smiling. I picked my fork up and took a bite. "Mmmmm," I hummed with delight. "This is really good mom,"
"Thanks baby, I added chocolate chips to it," she said smiling at me. I could tell she was proud of herself. Once I finished eating I got up and rinsed my dish and put it into the dishwasher. I gave my mom a huge hug. "Tay I just want you to know that I'm so very proud of you for this past few months, you've been getting so much better and just do everything to help everyone around you. I just have the best daughter in the world," she told me as she patted my back.
"And I have the most amazing mom," I replied giving her a smile.
"Well I wouldn't go that far," she said with a cocky smile.
"What?! It's the truth," I said while laughing. She laughed back. "Well im gonna go take a shower after that I'll clean up the house. Okay?"
"That's perfectly fine baby," she said with a grin. I walked to the back hallway and opened up the closet. I grabbed a towel out and headed to the bathroom, I turned the water on to as hot as I could get it and took off my clothes. I stepped in and started to feel tears welling up in my eyes, and soon enough I heard that familiar voice calling out my name.
"Taylor, oh Taylor. Don't ignore me, I know you hear me," it said with an ominous tone.
"Yeah I'm ignoring you for a reason, what the fuck do you want," I replied angrily.
"Welll, I have a favor for you to do," it said.
"Last time you asked me for a favor it ended me in the hospital, so what the fuck is it,"
"Hey you were the one that told and technically you never did what I asked of you sooooo,"
"I didn't do what you asked because I wasn't leaving my mom, just because I can't get rid of you doesnt mean I do everything you say," I said the anger building up in my gut, I clinched my fists.
"Oh put those fists away you can't hit me dumbass,"
"I don't fucking care, now what do you want?" I asked.
"Oh just the usual, put a little red on that skin. You know how the scars are fading from last time, we'll just put them back,"
"No, I've gotten to a month now I'm not doing it again," I said.
"Oh your such a pussy, come on. One never hurt anyone, it's not like your parents care,"
"Yea they do, now leave me alone," I said turning my music volume up.
"Fuckin pussy. You know nobody fuckin likes you, that girl only said yes because she feels so bad for you. It's funny how you think that anyone could ever love you, if they say they do they are ly-"
"FINE, I'll do it if you shut up," I interrupted.
"Okay!" It said in a cheerful tone.
I finished up washing myself then got dressed. I sighed and started walking downstairs to my bedroom. I sat down on my bed and bent down to the crevice in my nightstand and pulled out the blade, I took a deep breath bringing my leg up. I lifted the blade and brought it back down. I took a sharp breath at the stinging pain in my leg, blood started flowing out of the wound. I wiped the tears that were now rolling down my face, I then heard a low booming laugh.
"Are you happy now," I said through clinched teeth.
"Yep," it said in a cheerful tone.
"I fucking hate you," I said and got up limping over to my paper towels. I grabbed one and wiped up my leg. I took my ace bandage and wrapped it up, I winced at the pain yet again. I then heard my phone buzzing from a notification.
