Wreaking Havoc

decem

For the past few days, waking up felt like a curse. Para akong may fatigue araw-araw, pero dahil na rin siguro ang dalas ko nang magpuyat dahil kailangan kong mag-aral—dagdag pa si mommy na wala na yatang alam gawin kundi pasamain lang nang pasamain 'yung loob ko. I barely have 5 hours of sleep lalo na kapag Monday dahil siksik na siksik 'yung subjects namin tuwing hapon kaya gusto ko na lang lamunin ng lupa. 

When I finally got up, I checked my phone and messaged Eli. They've become really busy with their classes and his job as a paralegal kaya sobrang dalang na rin namang nag-uusap at nagkikita... but I do understand that has always been a part of our relationship... but lately, I can't even understand myself because I was the one trying to drift away from him but whenever he won't reply fast, I could probably cry over that one petty reason for an hour or two.

Seriously. Pakiramdam ko nababaliw na'ko.

I was about to leave my phone on the bedside pero bigla namang nag-vibrate kaya napatingin ako agad.

'Good morning, love. I love you so much. Sorry if I've been too busy the past few days. I promise I'd make it up to you on Friday. Love u again.'

I smiled and clutched my chest. I don't even know how to feel right now... 

"Good morning po," I greeted Manang who was watching her favorite morning show. It was another celebratory day because it was Tuesday and my only load is OB I, cons lang talaga kay Doc is she usually gives quizzes or recitations out of nowhere tapos usually cover to cover pa ng na-tackle namin last week, ang kaso tatlong beses kaming may klase sa OB I every week tapos kapag may recitations or quizzes minsan gagawin niya the other week na lang kaya sobrang ngarag talaga. Although may time naman na mabait si Doc at nagpapa-quiz agad after klase, or the following schedule. Doable naman pareho para sa'kin, pero simula no'ng pumasok ako sa medical school, mas gugustuhin ko na lang talagang mag-quiz agad kaysa 'yung matatambakan ka ng topics dahil isang bagsakan 'yung quiz—kaya literal na bagsakan talaga.

"Morning nak! Ano'ng gusto mong almusal?" 

I walked to the refrigerator at kinuha 'yung orange juice box bago nagsalin sa baso, "I'll just eat avocado toast, manang. I'll do it myself, nood lang po kayo diyan," magalang kong sabi. Nginitian naman ako ni manang at tumayo para iabot sa akin 'yung avocado sa fruit basket bago bumalik sa sala. Eli usually does my avocado toast for me whenever he visits me in the mornings, but we've become busy adults so I just asked him to teach me since I really suck at cooking.

I sighed. 

I miss Eli... and I hate how he's pretty much marked himself on every corner of my condo because I'd always remember how much he made me feel loved just a few days ago.

Pero ngayon... hindi ko na rin alam kung ano'ng dapat kong gawin. I wanted to tell Eli and explain in the best way possible, but I already know him... even if he tells me he wouldn't do anything out of impulsiveness, he could end up doing something he'd regret. Mom has finalized everything. I was really going to leave two weeks from now, and even though I didn't want to do it and just act like I only bluffed out for the sake of it, I know my mother wasn't taking the situation lightly.

It has always been about two options and a deal we made—either I marry Ansel and probably become his whore for the rest of my life but I could inherit millions because they were already grooming him to run for a national position, or just leave the country.

Of course, I still had a brain intact. I wasn't going to choose luxury over my freedom. 

Because choosing my freedom also meant choosing what was best for Elias. I didn't want him to regret that he'd never get to become a Criminal Lawyer if I'd kept on getting on my mother's bad side...