Wreaking Havoc

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Days passed by in a hurdle. I had to go back to my job... It was harder wallowing alone kaya kahit ang hirap pa rin, pumasok na ako sa ospital. The director knew it'd still be hard for me to focus on major surgeries, kaya mga simpleng patient cases lang ang ibinibigay sa'kin. At least, I had something to do to kill time. Pakiramdam ko kasi pag wala akong ginagawa, bumabalik ako sa nangyari kay Mary... Hanggang sa iiyak na lang ako magdamag.

Ang hirap-hirap.

Ni hindi pa rin ako makatulog nang maayos kasi paulit-ulit akong binibisita ng bangungot... ng lahat-lahat. Nakakapagod nang umiyak nang paulit-ulit. Pakiramdam ko ubos na ubos na talaga ako.

Gusto ko lang matapos lahat ng 'to.

Yet Eli... Eli's still making it harder for me to move on.

I contented myself with doing laboratory requests for patients from the ICU, pati na 'yung mga naka-follow up na sa surgery. Most of them were asking how I was dahil naibalita naman sa news kung ano'ng naging desisyon sa kaso ni Isla pagkatapos siyang mag-guilty plea. Some were congratulating me because I finally got the justice for Mary... even Felix has been messaging me kung kumusta na ba'ko but I could hardly reply to anyone because I didn't even have the strength to keep up with the news or visit Isla anymore. Pagkatapos no'ng huli kong punta, pinangako ko sa sarili ko na hindi na'ko babalik.

Not that I was abandoning her as my sister... she's still my sister kahit pagbaliktarin namin 'yung mundo... It's just that I can't thread two lines just because I want to keep the connection.

She killed my daughter.

She pleaded guilty.

I finally got justice for my child... I needed to live my life, too.

But at some point... Something still feels wrong.

Pagkabigay ko no'ng requests sa laboratory after the last spinal biopsy I performed ay dumiretso muna ako sa opisina ko para magpahinga. I wasn't in the best mind and shape, but I still needed to attend to my patients. I can't just throw my life... I know Mary wouldn't want that.

I was about to close my eyes pero nagulat ako nang may biglang kumatok. Napangiti ako nang makita ko si Teacher Felix na may dala na namang pagkain. Naging habit na yata niyang dalhan ako ng pagkain pag lunch kahit ang sabi ko 'wag na at ayos lang naman ako, but he just insisted to bring me food kaya pinabayaan ko na lang. Okay lang din naman sa'kin.

"Good afternoon po, doc," he greeted putting a paper bag on top of the table. "Ramen 'yan."

Bahagya akong natawa, "You really don't have to this, Teach. I'm coping... I'm coping..."

Teacher Felix sighed, "If you just need someone to talk to, I'd be here. I know how Mary's death happened so fast. I could spare you an hour or two."

I shook my head, "Okay na 'yung food sa'kin," sambit ko at tipid na ngumiti. "Thank you so much talaga, Teach. I'm grateful that teachers like you exist."

Felix chuckled, "Just doing my job," he says before looking at the time. "I still have a class in an hour. I hope you'd enjoy the ramen, doc."

I nodded, "Thank you..."

The ramen looked enticing when I brought it out of the paper bag kaya kumain na'ko. I still didn't have enough apetite kaya naka-dalawang subo lang din ako bago ko 'yung inilagay sa may ref sa on-call room. Pagkabalik ko sa opisina ay eksaktong may pumasok na nurse.

"Doktora, si Attorney Morales po, gusto raw po kayong makausap." Napakunot ako ng noo at ibinaba ang suot-suot kong salamin. Why was he here again? "Papasukin ko po ba?"