Wreaking Havoc

vīgintī trēs

"Ma," Mary called as she was helping me fold her clothes bago iyon ilagay sa maleta. Buti na lang kaunti lang ang damit niya dahil gusto niya raw ng minimalist living. Nasobrahan lang talaga siya sa scented candles at kung anu-anong designs sa table niya. Hindi naman daw niya dadalhin sa Pilipinas lahat at ibibigay na lang sa mga kaibigan niya sa school. Tapos 'yung iba pinadala na lang namin sa Pinas para mailagay na sa kwarto niya doon.

"Do you think I'd get to see papa?"

I remained mum.

"It's okay if not though..." she uttered, her voice laced with sadness. "I'm just wondering what he looks like. Even Tita Keith never wanted to show me who he is..." Napa-buntonghininga na lang ako at hinila siya papalapit sa'kin para yakapin.

"I'm sorry, Mary," I whispered, kissing her head as I was caressing her back. "You'd meet him... I promise."

I've always known how Mary wants to meet her dad, but I couldn't even explain our situation easily. Ni hindi ko masabi sa kaniya kung ano talagang nangyari sa grandparents niya dahil sobrang komplikado... she's just a child and even if I know she's bound to know the truth someday, I still want her to know everything little by little. I didn't want to put the child in complete shock... how can I even tell her that her lolo was killed by her lola?

Pa'no ko sasabihin sa kaniya 'yung sitwasyon namin ni Eli noon? My friends hated Eli after what he told me that day kahit ilang beses kong subukang ipaintindi sa kanila... Alam ko rin naman na maaayos din 'to if he chose to listen to me even just for a while... but I understood his pain and where he was coming from that day... Pareho lang kaming hindi nakinig sa isa't-isa.  Ayaw ko rin namang magalit siya kay Eli dahil alam ko namang nasaktan ko rin talaga siya.

But even when I have to go back in time, I'd still choose to leave Eli in a heartbeat.

Even if we have to hurt all over again.

Because I'd always choose what's best for him... and I never wanted him to choose me over his dreams. I want him to chase his dreams first, and then choose me second because I know how love also means sacrificing.

Until now. Until now that I know how much I still love him, I'd always let him choose his dreams. Because when it comes to him, I'll always... always choose to be selfless.

When we were finally finished packing Mary's clothes, nagpaalam na rin ako dahil kailangan pa'ko sa ospital. Isang tawiran lang naman 'yung hospital mula sa apartment namin ni Mary kaya tumulong muna ako para mag-ayos ng mga gamit-gamit namin during my off. It was finally my last day at the hospital, and Harrieth would be my last patient.

Hanggang ngayon everything still feels surreal... I was leaving the hospital where I achieved my dream of becoming a Neurosurgeon na akala ko noon imposible. Even after everything I've been through for the past eleven years, I was still able to be successful... kahit nasa point na'ko na gusto ko nang sumuko, but this hospital became the biggest witness on how I was able to overcome everything... from my therapy to overcome my traumas after my parents died, to becoming the best version of myself.

It all happened here.

And I was finally leaving because I was ready to close this chapter already... 

After eleven long years of running away, I was finally coming back.

I was busy studying Harrieth's condition and for the upcoming surgery nang biglang kumatok si Keith at pumasok. Napangiti naman ako at napatanggal ng reading glasses.

"Ready for your last surgery?"

I chuckled, "Para namang mamamatay ako sa sinasabi mo."

Napairap naman si Keith sa'kin, "Alam mo 'yung humor mo minsan nakakakaba, tigilan mo nga," sambit niya dahilan para matawa na naman ako.