Wreaking Havoc

undeviginti

Weeks passed by in a hurdle, and I have become more and more sensitive to a lot of things because of my condition, but I was grateful that Keith has been really helpful whenever I needed someone with me, while Astrid never failed to make me feel supported. I just really needed to manage my time, because I know how much of a failure I was when it comes to that ordeal. It was very stressful but I needed not to feel that way because I knew how bad it would affect my baby—I just really needed to learn how to ride the wave.

Because if I want to live... if I wanted to live for my baby, little sacrifices won't hurt.

Medical school in New York was a really different environment kaya sobrang dami kong kailangang i-catch up. Culture shock talaga when I learned na clerkship na pala kaagad no'ng dumating ako kaya I had to enroll the units that I wasn't able to take. It was twice the effort, but I was glad Keith and Andrei were generous enough to lend me their notes so I could freely study even though there were some in our block that was suspicious of how I got in the middle of an academic year—I was just glad I had a 531 MCAT Score which I took during summer after our graduation dahil nasa plano ko rin sana noon na mag-medschool dito, and my grades and the school I came from also had a bearing with their decision to accept me. May advantage rin pala talaga na nag-apply kami ng American Citizenship noon because Lola took me to New York back when I was still a kid because I thought it was just for vacation, but we ended up staying for years until I got my citizenship. Growing up, I realized mom has always planned this to happen because she just never forgot about New York and Medschool altogether. 

It just took a lot of reroutes and a lot of heartbreaking decisions... but even then, I was still glad Eli and I can still pursue our dreams even though we're poles apart now and he probably wants to forget me already, I know I'd always be cheering for him.

I'd just settle for loving him from afar and be happy for whatever he'd achieve in life.

I guess that's how much I love him... and I think I'd never love someone like this in a lifetime.

It was another week of our block's clerkship rotations. The schedule wasn't heavy since once a month lang ang rotation ng block namin, so I was free to take classes for the units I still needed to finish on weeks where our block won't be assigned, and pumayag naman sila. I guess it was because of my mom and Lola's connections in New York... It's true, I liked the privilege... but that'd probably be awful to hear for somebody else so I really had to work my ass off in return, but God if I were to get in trouble or my child in the near future, I will never touch these connections and let the law decide our fate as long as it's justifiable.

I hated how power can do so much for those who have it already, but little for those who need it the most.

I hated how life's really unfair like that, yet I still can't do anything to change that system because even if I don't want to admit it... I had the advantage to enjoy this kind of rotten system.

I was busy blow-drying my hair nang biglang tumunog 'yung phone ko and Astrid's name was on the screen, I immediately answered the call at umupo muna habang bino-blow dry pa rin 'yung buhok ko.

"Bakla!" Natawa ako dahil bigla kong na-miss 'yung boses ni Astrid. Hay miss ko na Pinas... Miss ko na rin si Isla. Gustong-gusto ko nang umuwi. "Miss na kita, wala na'kong machika ng kagagahan sa classroom," Astrid uttered and frowned. Napasimangot na lang din ako at pinatay na 'yung blow dryer at ibinalik sa lalagyan.

"Ano, may friends ka na ba diyan? Ipagpapalit mo na ba'ko? Musta na si baby?" I couldn't help but to burst out in laughter dahil sunod-sunod ba naman 'yung tanong—but I couldn't really blame Astrid. I was really busy the past few weeks that I didn't even have time to call Isla dahil ang dami kong kailangang gawin.