Wreaking Havoc

vīgintī quattuor

"Ang daming pasa no'ng anak mo," Astrid uttered, placing a flute of champagne in front of me. "Hindi ka naman na buntis, 'di ba?"

Natawa ako, "Loka. Pa'no naman ako mabubuntis, wala naman akong jowa?"

Astrid shrugged, "Uso kaya one-night stand," she says before taking a sip. Nanlaki naman 'yung mata ko at napatingin sa kaniya. 

"Oh my god, Astrid!" I said, and she event went on telling the tale of her one-night stand escapades. New York was a different environment, and I know Keith and Andrei have their own experiences when it comes to that but I wasn't the one to judge them because I know it's just a natural human process... but God, hearing Astrid detail every single man she had slept with and even detailing their positions was sending me beyond words. 

"Girl, you literally have a child!" Astrid says, chuckling. Inirapan ko na lang siya at uminom do'n sa binigay niyang champagne. 

"Didn't say I wanted to hear every detail of your bar nights," I said. "Buti na lang I'm your friend!"

Astrid laughed, "I should really set you up on a blind date, you're literally turning 34 next month."

I shook my head, "Hindi ko pa nga napapakilala si Mary kay Eli tapos ise-set up mo ako sa date? Baka naman masumpa na'ko niyan," natatawa kong sabi, causing her to roll her eyes.

"Pero seryoso, Therese. Baka naman anemic na 'yang si Mary."

Umiling ako, "Sa gymnastics 'yan. Sabi ko mag-hinay-hinay lang, e," sambit ko because even on our last week in New York she still practiced hard with her routines para naman daw prepared siya for try outs. "But I see that she's really happy with her sport and she was really adamant to continue here, so I let her try out for the gymnastics team of her new school."

Astrid sighed, "Pipili na nga lang ng sport 'tong batang 'to nakakakaba pa, jusko. Mag-nanay talaga kayo pareho kayong adventurous."

I laughed, "I'm just letting her experience freedom that my parents didn't give me." Napatango naman si Astrid at saglit kaming natahimik pareho habang inuubos 'yung champagne.

"Speaking of parents... Death anniversary na nila bukas. Won't you visit?"

I remained mum. After they got buried, I never visited them back, partly because I still hated my mom for going that far just so she wouldn't get jailed and my dad for still believing her... The wounds are still pretty fresh for me because I'd always go back to that day and still cry myself to sleep.

I sighed, "Should I?"

Astrid showed a faint smile, "I mean it's always up to you naman... They're your parents, but they shouldn't have pushed you away," she says.

I stayed silent and stared at the champagne flute that I was holding. I don't even know if I was ready to face their grave because for the last few years, all I ever thought was how I hated the both of them for being too unfair. Mom never even made me feel that she loved me... or did she even love me? I guess I'll never know the answer... And Dad was too selfless that it occurred to me that he didn't even deserve mom. 

They were such a mismatched compatibility. 

Yet, I guess that's just how much Dad loved Mom... even for all the wrong reasons.

I looked back at Astrid.

"I think I should go."

I couldn't sleep a wink the entire night—maybe because I was nervous... or scared. It's been so long since I last saw them in their coffins. I didn't even attend the burial because it was just too much to take for me... sabi nila noon kailangan ko raw maging matapang. Bawal na bang matakot kahit saglit lang? Nawalan din naman ako ng magulang...