Wreaking Havoc

sex

It was the first time I looked in the mirror after what happened yesterday, and to say that I looked like shit was an understatement. I literally looked like a battered child after all that slap my mom gave me! Eli probably didn't want me freaking out because of what I looked... but I didn't freak out one bit—or maybe I did, a little, but it felt like battle scars so I just chose to shrug it off. I was proud I got to tell what I'd been meaning to tell my parents for years—I know I wasn't on the losing end.

But for all I know, they'll just probably ignore what I said. I didn't really care anymore. If they wanted me out of their lives just because I finally had the guts to speak out, then I'll be their guest. 

"Therese, nak." I opened the door when I heard manang knock and the horrified look on her face even had me chuckling. "Ano nangyari sa'yo?!"

I shrugged, "Nasampal po ako kahapon," sagot ko at kinuha 'yung tray na hawak niya na may lamang almusal. "Thank you po."

Manang sighed, "Saglit lang kukuha ako ng ice pack." 

Napangiti na lang ako. 

Manang didn't take long dahil may stock naman ako lagi ng ice sa fridge. The ice was really cold that it was hurting the bruises already no'ng idinikit ko 'yun sa pisngi ko, although they probably won't be noticeable when I cover them with a lot of concealers—and this is probably why I buy a lot of concealers. Manang looked concerned that she was even watching over me while I was eating my breakfast.

"Manang I'm okay lang po," I uttered because it looked like she was just waiting for me to speak up about what happened. Growing up, she witnessed me getting a lot of bruises from mom so it was understandable that she panicked when she saw the bruises again. Ever since naman kasi no'ng lumipat ako sa condo, hindi na rin niya ako nasasampal, pero marami talaga akong pasa noon... buti na lang anemic din ako kaya may dahilan ako kapag napapansin sa school.

There was just too much abuse in that household and staying with them just brings back a lot of painful memories that I'd never want to revisit ever again.

"Ano ba'ng nangyari nak?"

I sighed, "Tinakas ko po kasi si Isla. Gusto na naman kasi nilang isama sa labas, alam naman nilang may asthma 'yung bata at hindi pwede nang matagal sa initan pero ayun po..." I reasoned out. "I was just really frustrated po that they can't see why I'm so angry with them."

I was expecting manang to tell anything pero nagulat ako nang bigla niya akong hilahin at yakapin. She wasn't telling anything... nakayakap lang siya sa'kin habang hinahagod 'yung likod ko that I didn't even realize I was crying already.

"Pasensya na nak ha... hindi ko kasi talaga alam ang sasabihin ko. Sa totoo nga lang gusto kong humingi ng tawad kasi nasabi ko sa'yo noon na magbabago pa si ma'am Liliane," bulong ni manang. I remained mum habang hinahayaan lang tumulo 'yung luha. I guess I was keeping everything to myself that I didn't even realize I was really hurting.

It's hard when you always have to keep a facade that you're strong. Because fuck being strong... can't I just be weak for a while? Because in the family I'm in, being weak meant losing power.

But screw that power.

I never wanted that.

"Pasensya na nak ha?"

I pulled off from the hug and sighed, "Manang why do you have to say sorry when it wasn't even you who hurt me?" I uttered, wiping my tear-stained face gently because the bruises still hurt. "Manang I'm thankful for you, okay? You don't have to say sorry..."

Manang smiled as she tucked loose strands of my hair behind my ear, "Napakabait mong bata, Therese. Sana makita rin iyon nila ma'am at sir."

Bahagya akong ngumiti.