The Girl in the Snow [KNY X BNHA READER CRACKFIC]

Chapter 21: Polygamy man

15 days past and Tanjiro actually got his sword back. Yeah, I'm surprised too. We were walking back to the estate from a mission when..

???: HELP PLEASE!

Y/N: Nah imma stand by and watch.

Tanjiro: Y/N..

Y/N: HHHHHHhhh fine

I ran towards the sound to see Aoi and Naho being carried and.. Kanao, Summer, and Kiyo swarming around.. damn what's his name again? The guy. I don't know what's going on to be honest.

Aoi: Please save me!

Uzui: Oi! Shut up! (Dam rude)

Y/N: ayo that's kinda sus why u need-

Tanjiro attempts to headbutt the silver-haired chad and fails (lmao weak)

Y/N: Wait, who are you again?

Uzui: I'm Lord Tengen Uzui, former shinobi. A flashy man renown around these parts.

Y/N: oh.. I won't remember it.

Tanjiro: WELL, SOMETHING ABOUT THIS FEELS WRONG, I DON'T KNOW WHAT, BUT IT DOES!

Kiyo and Sumi: Hentai! Hentai!

Uzui: Hey, you two! Who do you think you're talking to, dammit!
I'm your superior! I'm a hashira, dammit!

Y/N: SO AM I, THEREFORE I GET TO TRASH TALK YOU ALL I WANT!.. basically

Uzui: YOU ALL ARE SO UNFLASHY!

Tanjiro: Why do you need these girls anyway?

Uzui: I need some girls on an upcoming mission.

Kiyo: but Naho-chan isn't a slayer! She's not wearing the uniform

Uzui: oh, well then I don't need her

The face paint guy just drops Naho like how my parents dropped me as a child

I laughed, Tanjiro didn't. He's a civilized human being unlike me and caught Naho.

[Boar head and Simp has entered the chat]

Tanjiro: WE'LL GO WITH YOU INSTEAD!

Uzui: Fine. If you defy me, then..
*smack*

Y/N: AYOOO AINT U 23 OR SUMTH?

Uzui: uH- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!

Y/N: YeAH AND ITS SUS-

--

Uzui: now listen up! I am God! And you're like trash! If I tell you to become a dog, get on all fours and bark! If I tell you to be a monkey, be a monkey! Hunch over and rub your hands together, constantly pander to my every whim! And suck up to me with every last fiber of your being!

Zenitsu*thinking*: wtf is with this guy?

Inosuke *thinking*: Finally! A worthy opponent!

Y/N: LMao nah

Uzui: Excuse me?

Y/N: I thought you're the sound hashira. How are you deaf? I said 'lmao no'

Uzui: you wanna go? Come on, fight me!

Y/N: AIGHT BET! YOU BOUTTA CATCH THESE HANDS-
*bonk*

Tanjro headbutted me (rude😒) and konked me out

Uzui: oi, Dorito haori, carry her

Zenitsu: u-uh y-yes sir!

Zenitsu*mentally*: YES! YES! YES! I GET TO CARRY MY FUTURE WIFE! (Bro what about Nezuko)

--

I wake up to see a bustling city around me as the kamaboko gang and the narcissistic guy are in a carriage.

Uzui: Now, don't do anything to make us stand out.

Zenitsu already jumped out..

I watched as Inosuke followed and yeeted himself off of the cart whilst Tanjiro followed behind attempting to stop the two slayers from doing anything stupid

I jumped off too just to annoy Uzai man.

Tanjiro went after Inosuke as I went after Zenitsu

Uzui: OI! STAY THERE YELLOW BOY! GET BACK HERE!

Courtesian: You there, yellow boy! We have candy!

Zenitsu covers his eyes with his hand and turns away

Zenitsu: This place is filled with beautiful ladies!

I ran after Zenitsu and pulled a horny jail bat outta my ass and bonked Zenitsu, dragging him away.

Y/N: You're too young for this!.. although I wonder if there's big tiddy goth dom mommies here.

Zenitsu: I'm older than you though!

Y/N: Yeah, physically. Not mentally.

--

We arrived at the wisteria house, discussing the upcoming mission. I still haven't memorized that guy's name yet.

Uzui: alright. We'll infiltrate the Red Light District and find my wives

Zenitsu: NO! WE AREN'T YOUR PERSONAL MATCHMAKERS!

Y/N: ya ain't Mulan.

Uzui: no, you idiots, my wives infiltrated the district, but our usual ways of contact via letters was cut off. I have the letters

Uzui sets the letters onto the table for us to see

Tanjiro: wow, there's so many! She must've been there for a long time.

Uzui: I have 3 wives.

Zenitsu: WHHHAAAATTT!?!?!?! YOU HAVE 3 WIVES??!!!? THATS SO WRONG, HOW DARE YOU!!

I bonked Zenitsu with the horny jail bat and he passed out for a while

Inosuke; HOOORAAA FIGHT ME! GOD OF FESTIVITIES!

Uzui punched Inosuke in the gut (like Akaza) and made Inosuke give up

--

Housekeeper: Sir, we have brought the requested materials.

Uzui: thanks.

Uzui: Alright, get into disguise! You're all going as courtesans!