The Epilogue - Katniss and Peeta

Drunk and Numb.

*Katniss's POV*
As I open my eyes, I realize I'm tied to a chair. I look around to see Finnick, Prim, Cinna, Mags, Rue, Wiress, and Boggs. They're all staring at me.
"You took me away from my baby and wife." Finnick says and I turn my head towards him.
"Finnick, I'm so sorry—" I begin.
"You let me die." Prim says as I look at her.
"You were supposed to protect me."
"You wouldn't be alive if I hadn't told you it was a clock."
"You were too afraid to kill the boy, weren't you."
"You had me killed over a costume." I try to keep up but they just keep saying stuff. I bring my hands up to my ears trying to muffle out the noises. I start screaming but it's no use. It's like their voices are 3 times stronger than mine.
"Feel the guilt."
"You did this."
"You should of saved us." The whole room goes blinding white and I wake up. I feel Peeta around me trying his best to comfort me.

"It's okay, Katniss. It was just a nightmare. Your here, your safe." He says. I look around and see I'm laying in our bed.
"But I was there—I was—" I say stuttering. I dart my eyes around the room.
"No, you're here. It was just a bad dream." He says rubbing my back.
"I killed them, didn't I?" I say.
"Who?" He asks, staring deeply into my eyes.
"Prim, Finnick and Rue—and all of them," I say with tears streaming down my face.
"No, Katniss. Those all were just unfortunate accidents. You didn't kill Prim and you certainly didn't kill Finnick or Rue. Marvel killed Rue, and Snow killed Finnick." He remarks looking at me.
"Yes I did, Peeta." I say in between tears. "Stop lying to me," I say shake uncontrollably and he begins to hush me.
"I'm not lying to you. We agreed to not lie, so I'm not. Finnick sacrificed himself because he wanted to give everyone a better life. Rue went peacefully thanks to you, and you had nothing to do with Prim. There's no way you could of saved any of them, so stop beating yourself up for something that couldn't of been changed." He says. I just sit there staring into the dark. He places one of his hands on my chin and wipes my tears with the other. "Katniss, you're going to get sick."
"I'm just going to get up. I can't go back to sleep. But you stay and sleep. Please." I say hoping he'll go back to sleep. I start to get up but he grabs me by the waist and pulls me back down.
"Katniss, it's still early."
"No." I say as I  get back up. "Just stay and get rest. You don't have to chase me everytime. You need sleep too."
"Just come get me if you need anything."
"Always." I say as I close the door behind me. I slowly creep down the stairs and into the kitchen. I look into the fridge and there a bunch of food Peeta's made, but I've lost my appetite. I sigh and close the door and make my way to the living room.  I turn the tv on and turn the volume down very low. I flip through the channels until I come across a old cartoon. It's from a while ago I think. It used to be Prim and I's favorite show, when we could get any signal that is. It's about this girl and she sells dresses, until one day she gets picked to stay in the castle. It was entertaining at the time. I quickly switch it off though, because it reminds me of times I don't want to remember. It looks to be early morning now. I decide to lay on the couch and by the time I know it I'm asleep. But it's not a deep sleep, it's just like I'm closing my eyes.

I suddenly open my eyes and I still find the house empty. I get up off the couch and walk to the table. I read a note. "Katniss, I've gone to the hob and I'll be back soon. Love, Peeta." I see on the end of the page he placed a flower. But not a regular flower, a primrose. I stare at the flower. It's beautiful, but it hurts to see the flower. I'm hurting right now and I can only think of one solution. I know I'm not supposed to, but as I'm walking through his door, it feels right.
"Haymitch." I yell. I hear him snoring on the couch. I try shaking him awake but nothing. I have one last resort, but it's risky. I grab a glass of water and throw it on him. I laugh as he jumps up and points his knife at me—it reminds me of a time where I did this.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" He yells in my face.
"Haymitch, I need help." I ask in a more serious tone.
"Oh, so you decide throw water on my face." He grumbles while wiping his face off.
"Please, Haymitch. I'm serious." I say in a shaken voice.
"What do you need, sweetheart?" He asks annoyed with me.
"I need a drink—a lot of them too." I plead.
"No, Katniss. Peeta would kill me—" He starts but I get closer to him while unconsciously pointing the vase at him. His eyes dart towards the vase and I quickly drop it.
"He won't know, Haymitch. He's at the hob anyways." I say looking at the ground.
"You probably shouldn't hide this from him." He warns. "He'll be really upset that you're being sneaky." He rings.
"Haymitch, come on. I'll leave before he gets back. Please." I beg.
"One drink, Katniss. That's it." He rolls his eyes. "I'm not dragging you home though."
"Thank you." I sit down on the couch while he goes and grabs it. After he comes back he hands me it and I drink it fast.
"Slow down, sweetheart." He says urging me to stop. "This isn't path you should go down."
"No, I need to feel better." I say. After I finish it, we talk. We talk about Effie and everything basically. And by the time we're done I've made him give me 4 or 5 drinks. I feel numb everywhere.
"Thanks, Haymitch." I mumble. "I appreciate it." I start to stand up when I hear the door burst open. I see Peeta walk towards me and he glances at the table. I try to move my body so he won't see the evidence, but it's no use.
"What the hell are you doing?" He asks Haymitch.
"Don't ask me." He says with his hands up. "Her idea." Great. He ratted me out.
"Katniss, you've been gone for a long time." He rings.
"I was just...hanging out." I smile. I can tell he smells my breath.
"You let her drink too?" He asks frustrated at Haymitch. "She's not mentally alright as it is, Haymitch. She doesn't need this."
"You can't tell me what to do," I say as I laugh. It's like I have no control of my movements. It makes me feel somewhat embarrassed, but k can't do anything about it.
"Peeta, I tried to stop her. Don't blame me." Haymitch adds.
"She's struggling right now. You could of told her no," he starts with a tone and Haymitch actually laughs at him.
"Like anyone can tell her what to do."
"You're not there every night for her, Haymitch. This won't help her at all." He glares at Haymitch as he drags me out the door. He slams the door on his way out.
"Wait, stop," I say laughing. "I wasn't done." I say leaning towards Haymitch's front porch.
"Katniss, stop. You're drunk. Just come on." He pulls my arm.
"No, you're ruining my fun—I hate you." I yell right before I throw up on the front of him. He doesn't pay attention to me throwing up. He picks me up and carries me home. I pass out in his arms.

_

I wake up and my hair is still damp. It smells like lemon and I'm in a robe. I sit up and realize Peeta isn't there. I look to the window and see the curtains are mostly closed with a crack, so I know it's morning. I get really dizzy and fall back, with a pounding head ache. I feel really thirsty. I am trying to remember last night but I don't remember much.
Peeta comes through the door with a tray and an ice pack. I try to sit up but he lays me back down. He sits on the edge of the bed next to me. He sets the tray on the nightstand and brushes the hair off my face. On the tray, there's toast, a glass of water, and an ice pack.

"Here," he says and he lays the ice pack on my forehead. "This should help."
"What's wrong with me?"
"You are very hungover," he remarks with a laugh.
"You're not mad at me?" I ask.
"No, I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed, Katniss." He says. "There's always another solution, it's never alcohol."
I close my eyes trying to hold back the tears. "I'm sorry. It just sent me over the edge."
"What did?"
"The primrose." I say still with my eyes closed. "And the stupid tv show." I say with my voice trembling.
"Katniss, I didn't know—" he starts.
"No, it's not your fault you didn't know." I open my eyes. "What even happened last night? I don't remember much."
"Nothing happened. I just came and got you." Peeta says avoiding my eyes.
"Peeta, I can tell you're lying," I say.
"You went to Haymitch's I guess and you got really drunk so I brought you home." He admits.
"So why did you give me a bath?" I say. "If I was just drunk?"
"You threw up—so I had to." He says.
"Did I say anything stupid?" I ask embarrassed, wanting to hide my face under the sheets.
"No, not really. Just that you hated me." He smiles at me unfazed and the look makes me feel worse.
"Peeta," I say. "I really didn't mean that." I feel really bad.
"I know. It doesn't matter." He says. "I should feel bad, I screamed at you and Haymitch."
"Lucky I don't remember it." I crack a smile. He smiles back.
"You should drink this water, Haymitch said it would help." I sip the water.
"I can't." I say. "I just feel sick."
"That's alright." He says stroking my face. "Try to get some rest."
"I'm scared to fall asleep." I say shaking.
"It's okay, I'm right here. I won't move. I promise."
"Stay with me?" I ask.
"Always."