The Epilogue - Katniss and Peeta

Good Or Bad News?

*Flynn's POV*

I pace by the door, waiting for any of the 30 fucking people that are remaining at the hospital to call me.

They were supposed to update me hours ago on Willow's condition, and for all I know, she could be dead right now.

She's not dead.

I tell myself that she's not dead. I repeat to myself that she's not dead. I continue to tell myself that she's not dead.

I take small shallow breaths, attempting to feel anything but the fear in my chest.

It's not only the fear of Willow sitting on my lungs, it's also the fear of losing my mother.

I know I have never been the best son to her—and if I'm being completely honest, I'm probably the reason she was so mentally unstable before she was diagnosed.

But, she's my mom.

And deep down in my heart, I wish she could still remember my name. I wish she could show me that she loves me—or did love me at one point.

She never showed it to me a lot, always replacing the actions with words.

But there's a point where the words become meaningless, and become no more than a chore to say at the end of every sentence.

Her "I Love You's" became the equivalent to a "Thank you," or a mere "Hello."

Her voice became strained when she would express her love for me, acting as if it hurt to tell me that she loved me.

I'm not acting naive to the fact that I'm hard to love. I know it's not easy to care for me—and frankly, I'm not sure if I can even name a person who loves me.

And I'm not mad at it, because it's entirely my fault.

But the little kid inside of me still craves his mother's approval. The little kid inside of me still wishes that his mom could love him.

I picture what my life could have been like if my father hadn't been killed.

My mother would be sane. Katniss would be alive. Willow wouldn't be in the hospital. Peeta wouldn't be clinging to some random girl in hopes of replacing Katniss.

And I would be happy.

I sometimes wonder why I was cursed to this universe. I sometimes find myself pondering whether I did something to deserve all the loss and suffering I've gone through, or if it was just simply fate.

Seems as if my fate is complete loss.

But maybe in another universe I wouldn't have been lucky enough to know Willow.

Maybe I wouldn't have gotten the chance to know what the pressure of her lips feel like, or the way her hand fits perfectly into mine.

I wouldn't know the way she makes me smile, just by existing. Or the way she can make me realize that happiness exists through the people we surround ourselves with.

How can I lose that?

How can I live knowing there's a possibility at every moment where I could lose her?