Expect the Unexpected

For a Moment

Meredith's POV-
⚠️ Trigger warning!

I felt cold and alone. I turned to the side and noticed I had been left by myself in bed. I think she went out it was incredibly quiet in the house so I took this as an opportunity to let my walls down, and let my emotions take over for a little while. I snuggled myself in the middle of the bed and started to let myself cry. I usually don't do this at someone's house, of course, but I had so much build up, it had to come out. Now yes, usually I ignore it til I burst out. I didn't want to do that around arizona so instead I just took some time to let it out.

After about ten minutes of crying I got myself up and went into the bathroom, shutting the down behind me. I knew she had a med kit in here somewhere, all I had to do was find it. After searching I struck gold, there inside was a 10-blade and other things, but most importantly I found the 10-blade. The voice in my head was telling me to. That voice, it's like my best friend, it wouldn't lie to me. right? As sometimes I listen to it and sometimes I ignore it but something about today had made me feel the strong urge to, so in which I gave the voice what it wanted. It might go away if I listen anyways.

I took a minute and thought about things. The first thing that came to mind was; Arizona. Would she be sad? most definitely. Would it be worth it? Unsure. As I struggled doing pros and cons I noticed that arizona would either check on me or come home, so if I wanted to I needed to do it soon.

I decided on cutting. I looked at my scars on my arms and thighs and, practically almost everywhere, I smiled. I know this isn't 'healthy' or 'cool' or something but it was like a release for a- a thing I could count on. I had decided on my wrists.

I rolled up my sleeves and put hand soap, for an extra sting. I start to gently cut, but nothing happens. Unsatisfied, I decide to go a little harder to see if I feel that high. Soon enough I did. The stinging sensation. The pain, pleasure, and serenity of it all was exactly what I had been craving. I started bleeding, I didn't mind.

Soon enough I heard footsteps. I looked over at the door. It was unlocked. Had I fucked up? Extremely. Then there was the moment I didn't want to happen, the knock. As soon as I heard her foot steps come close. I closed my eyes as if it were a dream. She was at the door and stopped. I prayed to god she didn't knock.

But of course, we can't always have what we want. "Mer are you okay?" I heard her say from the other side of the door. I quickly tried to quietly put everything back and clean up. "Yep all good just using the bathroom." I said once I put everything away neatly. I ran the water washing my hands.

I covered my wrists and opened the door to see a worried, spaced out arizona. I stood in the door frame contemplating on whether or not I should tell her about what I did. We were both in our thoughts until one of us got a message. We looked at each other and switched sides of the room to get our devices.

It wasn't me but it was arizona, i'm which she silenced her pager. Must've not been important I guess. She looked up at me. Her eyes looked upset, hurt, but also anger. I don't know what to do. So i just stared at her. she looked me up and down, she must've seen something around my waist, which was where my arms were. fuck me. she looked back up to my eyes, and spoke.

"Let me see your wrists." she deadpanned, right then and there, I got scared. I gulped, still staring in her. she walked to me, i have never been this scared. My body started shaking. "Baby, don't be scared, just let me see babes." she said in a sweet voice, I could tell she was getting impatient. "I- umm i no can." I replied, once again, childish.

"Please? for me?" she said tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "I scared to shows you" I replied, I sounded like a little girl, i couldn't help it. "Don't be scared baby, it's me. I got you my love." she said softly. I nodded my head 'yes' and she took my left wrist in her hand, she knew i was right handed. I rolled up my sleeve with mg right hand. Her face, i could tell she was fighting back tears. I couldn't look at her anymore. It was a couple minutes of us standing there, she wrapped her other hand over where I cut and kissed it. She moved my hand slightly so I could face her. She kissed my forehead and then lips.

"Princess, whenever you feel like doing this again please tell me. I love you, i don't want to see this happen on your body anymore. You have a beautiful body. If anyone says otherwise they can come talk to me. I need you to understand that your perfect." She said whilst her hand cupped my cheek.

"I sworry" I replied. "It's okay baby." she said, I did grabby hands and she picked me up. I felt safe in her arms. I put my head on her shoulder and she held me close. She sat us on the bed.

"You hungry babygirl?" she asked. I nodded my head 'no'. "Can you try for me?" she said. "laters?" i asked. "sure but don't avoid me either" she said. I nodded my head understandings that i'd have to eat later. She turned the tv on netflix and put Dynasty on. I didn't pay much attention and play with her hair whilst still having my head on her shoulder. I felt her rubbing circles on my back. Soon enough i felt myself drifting off to sleep.

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A/N: im so sorry i left u guys for weeks... i've been really struggling w my mental health recently and have been blocking out everyone. this chapter isn't my best, in my opinion but it's what i came up w. mind u it's like 4am💀 i hope u guys understand.
i love u all sm!! XX

word count: 1121

(also too tired to proof read, so sorry)