Expect the Unexpected

The day

Meredith's POV-
Trigger warning!

I woke up feeling the same way I feel every other day, alone, restless, depressed and wanting to be dead. It was around 5am when my annoyingly loud alarm started to beep, I don't want to get up. I groaned, whilst I turned to my bedside table to turn off my alarm clock. I laid in bed thinking about how I'll cope today, I had decided on my usual; keep to myself, be careful and aware of surroundings, and make sure no one notices.

I laid in bed thinking longer than I had intended to and noticed when my sister knocked.

"Mer? Are you still asleep? Your going to be late if you don't get up soon." My little sister Lexie said through the door. I continued to lay in bed, not wanting to get up from my small little nest of just myself and thoughts. It was around 20 minutes later and this time there was no knock and Cristina just walked in. Got on my bed and started kicking me until eventually I landed on the floor.

"what the hell Cristina?!" I yelled at her for kicking me out of bed. "You're still hung up on McDreamy, huh?" she replied with a mischievous laugh. "Am not" I said, whilst getting up and walking towards the bathroom.

"Oh you are too, you don't have to lie about it Mer." she said whilst going downstairs to leave was my guess. I knew that there would have to be an explanation to do at work, which I wasn't ready for, at all. For now I just decided to take it days at a time. After I got ready for work I went downstairs to find that everyone had left for work, good. I was alone and in that moment I thought about doing it right there, in my kitchen but if I did I'd be even more late for having to clean up and Bailey would kill me. So i just grabbed a water bottle and kept it pushing.

I got into my car, pressed the start button and started driving towards the hospital.

~At the Hospital~

I got to the hospital and went to the residents locker room to change. Luckily no one was in there, which meant I could change without having to go into the bathroom. I got fresh scrubs and started to get dressed. After I got dressed I double checked to make sure no one was near, and as per usual, no one was. I lifted up my scrub top which revealed my stomach. I was proud of it, it showed my ribs and my stomach looked as if I sucked it in, although I didn't have to. I was proud of myself. I started to trace my ribs with my fingers and I looked at myself with approval. I loved this version of myself and wanted to stay like this forever. This made me smile.

~Times Passes~

After I finished my rounds, charts, pre ops and post ops, etc. It was around 12ish and I still haven't eaten anything and I wasn't going to. My friends invited me to lunch, I told them I'd go but that I already ate, so I'd just go to talk to them. They ended up believing me per usual so it was good. I was on my way to the cafeteria, when my attending, Arizona Robbins or dr. robbins stopped me.

"Hey Meredith, can I speak with you?" she asked me, I didn't mind its not like she'd know or anything. "yea sure." i replied. "privately?" she whispered. fuck me, i'm screwed now for sure. "uhh yeah" I decided to just go and hope that she didn't want to talk about anything personal. She took my hand and pulled me around the corner, into a supply closet. She locked the door behind us and we sat down. We sat in silence and stared at each other for about 5 minutes. She broke the silence.

"Meredith, hun, are you okay?" she said concerned. I just stared at her in complete shock. I feel a panic attack starting, I can't let her notice though so, to help my panic attack surpass me I started bouncing my leg. "meredith?" she said, at this point i knew i had to answer but didn't know how to.

"umm yeah I'm fine. What would make you think I wasn't?" I replied. she sighed. "Meredith I saw you this morning." I knew what she was implying but instead of saying the truth; i played dumb. "Yeah you tend to see me, you do know I work here" I said with a slight laugh but i knew she wasn't buying it. "In the locker room, I saw what you were doing. looking at your reflection and approving yourself like that. It's not healthy." she explained. "I was just sucking in my stomach I don't actually look like that." I lied straight to her face.