Expect the Unexpected

Nightmares

meredith's pov-
tw!
———

I felt so lonely. No one cares, so what's the point of trying? I walked into the bathroom, staring at a reflection in the mirror. Unsure if that person was me or someone else.

I screamed, grabbing my hair brush throwing it at the mirror, causing it to shatter. I saw a lighter and smiled. One of my best friends. I turned my gaze to the other side of the countertop, seeing my 10-blade. Hello other best friend.

I took whatever pills where in the container I found, took like seven of them. What are they you ask? I didn't even bother to look at the label. Whoops. I grabbed the lighter and blade walking into my room. I walked over to my mirror lifting my shirt up.

Smiling. I admired looking at my ribs. Not eating has made me look so good. I traced my ribs and down my stomach with my finger, nodding at myself with approval. I loved looking and admiring myself like this.

I then walked over to my accent chair. Lighting the lighter and pressing it against my thigh. Feeling the heat burn against my flesh. I did this a couple more times. It felt nice, like a weight was lifted.

After I had grabbed my 10-blade and started tearing up my thighs, even over the burn wounds from the lighter. I didn't care. The pain, pleasure and serenity of it all made me smile. I looked at my thighs, noticing the bleeding. I grabbed a tissue dabbing off the blood lightly.

I looked at my scar covered arm, seeing as they were fading it only made sense to add to the this game I was playing. I personally like the call it fruit ninja.

I put some rubbing alcohol on my arm, then started cutting. I made sure to cut deep but not enough to hit a vein. The rubbing alcohol burned but it was the burning sensation I craved. It was like a drug I needed.

I woke up sweaty and out of breath. I turn around seeing Arizona asleep next to me. I get up and walked into the bathroom, quietly making sure not to wake her.

Instantly as I close the door, turning on the light I checked my arms and thighs.

"Phew" A sigh of relief came out of me. I looked in the mirror. I lifted my shirt, revealing my stomach, noticing the weight i've gained. I internally punch myself but smile. I, Meredith Grey, gained weight.

I smiled at myself once more than, opened the door, turning off the lights. I climbed back into bed with Arizona, who subconsciously wrapped her arms around me.

"You okay?" I heard her whisper. "Yes." I responded, I felt her place a kiss on my forehead. I felt my eyes getting heavy again and closed them, drifting off to sleep.

————
word count: 486