Expect the Unexpected

'Work'

a/n: okay so you'll see where this chapter is going after reading some but let's say arizona n mer have been dating for abt five ish weeks.
⚠️ trigger warning!!
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it had been about five weeks since me and arizona started dating and i back to work or else your job could be on the line. So today was the day i were going back. my friends don't know about us guys and i don't know how they'll react so i decided to keep it from them until further notice.

"Meredith" i heard faintly, and started to stir "meredith love" i heard, i opened my eyes to see arizona "Good morning sleepyhead," she said stroking my hair"Good morning zona" i said in a sleepy voice

"I let you sleep a little longer than usual, well actually that's a lie I let you sleep til like 11:30 usually but today since it is your first day back at work you sorta have to wake up a little earlier than usual. If anything happens or like you're in a situation, you can page me baby. Okay?" she said in a caring voice, i looked up at her and made eye contact

"I think I'll be okay to go back. If anything and I mean anything happens you'll be the first to know babe, I promise. Hey, what time is it."  i said

"It's around 5:45, so if you wanna take a shower and  wash your hair then you better get up and do it baby." she said getting up and picking out her clothes to wear

"Do I  have to wash my hair?" i asked rolling out of bed and stretching

"Do you want me to do it?"  she asked whilst coming from behind and giving me a hug

"Yes please." i yawned, turned around and earned a quick peck from arizona

we got in the shower and Arizona had grabbed the lavender scented shampoo and conditioner because she knew it was my personal favorite shampoo and conditioner. She washed my hair and washed her body then left to get dressed for the day, which left me in the shower by myself with my thoughts. I kept hearing that voice 'you should just do it you know, the razors right there. Come onn you know you wanna.' 'No I don't wanna die.' I kept trying to tell myself 'but a little cut to ease some of the stress wouldn't hurt? Would it?' I s aid to myself, I grabbed the razor, looked at my arm and saw scars; there were many of them. 'No I can't do my arm, people will see and say something.' I thought to yourself, I thought about doing my shoulder but didn't seem too intrigued to do my shoulder, so instead I decided on my thigh. As I put on some body wash over it and started to run the blade over and over, Arizona had walked in to check on me. I had immediately stopped and thankfully there was no cut yet. 

"Hey baby are you okay?" she asked me , as I tried to cover everything up and put everything away but it was too late, she saw and I could see the sadness in her eyes. I was crushed I didn't wanna do this to her, it hurt to see her like that.

"Yea i'm fine, i just uhhh...""Were you doing it?" she deadpanned, while holding eye-contact "Doing? Doing what?" I asked "Babe were you umm, well you know." I saw as she tried to come up with something to say but not wanting to hurt your feelings in any way

"Cutting?" I said "Yea."  she said and I  tried to figure out a way to say it but decided on lying."No, I just saw a spot that I missed while shaving. Sorry to get you worried like that babe." I lied

"Oh umm, your clothes are on the bed for you when you're done, and i'm going downstairs to make some coffee. Do you want any?" she asked

"Yes please." I said turning off the water, stepping out and giving arizona a short kiss and she had left to go make coffee and I walked up to the mirror and looked at myself  'you're ugly you know. How could a woman like Arizona want someone like you meredith?'  the voice had said 'i don't know why i'm ugly and i don't deserve her, you're right.'  I thought. I put on some light makeup, just some concealer, mascara and chapstick. Then I went and saw the clothes that Arizona had picked for me with a note on it. I picked it up and read it