Love Like Ghost

you couldnt save me, but you cant let me go

warning: drug and alcohol use

Think I took it too far
When I sold you my heart
How'd it get so dark?
I saw stars

Bright sunlight was sneaking into my eyelids making me squint. I ground my hand into my eyes rubbing the sleep from them as I tried to open them, tried to adjust to the light. But suddenly, the sunlight disappeared. "Sorry." It was Zemo's voice. I slowly opened my eyes watching him close the blinds that covered these huge floor to ceiling windows. It took my a second to remember yesterday; delivering the baby, meeting him, coming here. I had done the same thing for the past year, so it was hard to comprehend the deviation.

I groaned trying to sit up as he came over to me. "Where am I?" My throat was dry making my voice come out groggy and cracking. He set down a mug on the coffee table in front of me.

"My home." He motioned to the cup. "It's coffee."

I took it into my hands as I glanced around the room once my eyes adjusted to the light. And then it dawned on me taking in the sight. The room was huge with a high ceiling with those tall windows riding the side wall. There was a small chandelier hanging over the middle of the dark interior room. I caught a glimpse of the fire place on the wall behind the sofa I sat on as I looked back at him. "You're rich?" I took a drink. The coffee was warm on my throat and I probably should have drank water, but when have I ever thought about taking care of my body this past year.

"I am a baron." Was all he said with a smirk. He could be lying and this wasn't his house. I wouldn't put it past him to trespass. I didn't wonder too much on it. I sat there slowly sipping the warm liquid gazing out into the room with an empty head.

He was watching me. I could feel his eyes on me as I glanced down at the coffee in the cup in front of me. Was he waiting for me to say something? To ask about his past he knew I cared little about. I had to say something. My hands were starting to get sweaty as he continued to stare at me, waiting, wanting words from me. "Thank you." I told him holding up the drink finally looking at him. He stared back through me, over analyzing me.

Zemo broke eye contact staring down at his own cup of coffee. "You talk in your sleep." I felt my stomach drop. I only ever remembered the bad dreams so anything that came out of my mouth wouldn't be good. "Nothing bad...quiet sad actually." He looked back over to me, "You kept calling out for him." My hands rested in my lap my face dropping with them. "What do you dream about?"

My fingers tips found themselves around the cup as my tongue sat heavy in my mouth. Him. It was always him. Memories of every moment we had ever had together and the next was him floating away into nothing. Zemo had to have known that without me saying much, he probably knew before the question left his mouth. He enjoyed the way my face always fell when he brought it all up. I think he hoped for some sort of reaction, he wanted to get a rise out of me, but it wasn't there anymore. "You had so much fire in you when we first met, so much to say..." He sighed, "Now it's just dead embers."

There was nothing left to fight for, I wanted to tell him. Back then, there was so much to protect, to defend. I brought the mug up to my lips staring at the sliver of sunlight trying to fight its way through the dark curtains. The past year I wouldn't come downstairs until late at night. Natasha and Steve would sit at the table, eating, talking, doing whatever they did, but mostly stare at me as I approached. Nat would ask how I was doing, Steve would ask if I needed anything. I never said anything. They offered me food, water, something to make me speak to them. I think they wanted me to break down, so they could finally help me with my grief. But I'd make a strong drink, enough to knock me out to hopefully avoid the nightmares, and disappear back upstairs. I would hear them talking about me, worried about me, like the good people they were.