Love Like Ghost

cause i was going down, but i was doing it with you

warnings/ rough sex, consensual violence, choking, degrading ( he's a lil mean ) 

DECEMBER 16th 1991

I rolled my suitcase through the door pushing it lightly to the side of the doorway. I closed the door behind me setting my bag on top of my suitcase. The house was quiet, I assumed father was asleep since it was dark out when I returned. I took a breath looking around at the house feeling coldness all around me. This house felt weird to be in after being away for so long, a part of me felt like I didn't belong here anymore.

I climbed the stairs hearing a faint noise coming from the second floor; it sounded like talking but I couldn't quite tell. I tried to walk quietly not sure if I even wanted to investigate. The talking was coming from father's study. I chewed my lip contemplating my next step, but second nature caused me to knock.

The talking ceased and heavy footsteps came pounding towards the door. It swung open lodging my heart in my throat. He was there. He was looking at me. He was just as beautiful as I remembered; hair long and dark eyes who showed no remembrance of me. My heart felt shattered, but not surprised. I opened my mouth, but closed it taking my lip between my teeth. I didn't know what to say.

He just stared at me for a moment before I heard footsteps behind him. "Katarina." My father spoke pushing the winter solider aside. "What a pleasant surprise." Father motioned for me to come in obviously pleased his memory wiping had worked, "I want you to see." I followed him further inside staying a decent distance away. My palms felt so sweaty every moment. He motioned to a briefcase on the table and opened it stepping back. The inside seemed to glow with five bright blue bags sitting inside of them.

"What are they?" I asked stepping forward slightly. 

"It's a serum," He told me. "It will make our super soldiers." My father wrapped his arm around my shoulder, "It's your big project."

I furrowed my brows softly glance at the winter solider who stood flushed with the wall darkness encasing him. "Mine?"

"You chose a good time to come back Katarina." He closed the case. "Our volunteers are set up already downstairs; we will start the infusions tomorrow." He turned me to face him. "It is time we take our first steps toward greatness." He cupped my face. "Hail Hydra." He pulled me into his arms and hugged me. I had never been so involved within his work, but now I felt smacked in the middle of it. He released me. "Go, rest. You have a big day tomorrow. I want to hear all about you mission trip at breakfast in the morning." I slowly stepped back watching him move around his study. My eyes flashed at him still standing in darkness before I fled the room. I trekked my belongings upstairs to my room and unpacked letting my head fall empty for a moment.

It didn't last long. My mind went to him; how empty his eyes were when they saw me. I knew it would hurt, but not this much. Did father really wipe me from his memory or would it come back to him after some time? My hands felt something cold in my belongings and I pulled out the metal chain two dog tags attached to the end. I had brought it with me when I left, but after a while I hid it from myself to avoid the pain. I ran my fingers over the tags before slipping them over my neck. I pushed my suitcase under my bed and laid down on top of my covers staring at the ceiling. I think I would have stayed in Greece forever had she not came to visit. I was lonely and heartbroken, but at least I could try to forget it all. Being home made everything more real. Him being here and not being able to touch him made it more real.

It all made sense though. This was why he made me go into the medical profession; it was all leading up to this. Maybe he would let me leave once it was finished, probably not, I knew too much. I closed my eyes trying to sleep, but my mind was restless.