Caliginosity [ Leo Valdez ]

Caliginosity

Waking up was the weirdest part.

When I opened my eyes, the light that streamed in through the windows nearly blinded me. My eyes stung and formed tears as I squinted. Slightly moving my face felt so weird, like I was almost paralyzed for however long I was asleep. My whole body was numb, and my brain seemed to not have any connection to my limbs. No matter what I tried, I couldn't move.

That really freaked me out for a moment. Was I paralyzed? I was never told exactly what happened after I fell. Did I hit something and now I actually was paralyzed? I hated thinking about it. After everything I went through to keep myself alive, I'm fucking paralyzed.

Different emotions clouded my thoughts so quickly, I wasn't sure what to do. But, in my moment of haze, I felt my fingers twitch. The sensation was so odd, it made me feel somewhat nauseous. I focused all my will toward clutching my hand, and slowly I did. I undid my fist and exhaled softly, attempting to move the rest of my body. I didn't need any crazy movement, just some twitches to make sure I had full control.

I scrunched my face, tensed my shoulders, clenched my fists, stretched out my legs, and curled my toes. Yep, full control.

After I regained the feeling in my body and my brain was sending coherent messages back and forth with my limbs, I shifted my focus around the room.

This was clearly the Apollo cabin. Half the room functioned as a living space, and the rest was filled with cots and medicinal herbs or bandages. I was somewhere toward the back with the light from the window covering me in a blanket of heat. I felt some sweat form on my forehead, so I slowly moved my arm up to wipe it away.

It had been so long since I felt my face. My skin was soft and hydrated, but I could feel I was a little underweight as my cheek bones poked out a bit.

I moved away from my skin and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, feeling the crust from dried tears disappear. I must have been crying in my sleep, which made sense since during my whole 'experience' I was very distraught. I wondered if maybe it was all a dream, rather than some sort of intervention with my past and future selves. But, something inside me told me otherwise. My heart wasn't sad, but instead it held a strange feeling of love and acceptance. For the first time in my life, I felt okay. I felt like I had all my answers after so many years of questioning. The balance within my mind was almost perfect. I wasn't so scared anymore, but I knew that the things I experienced would still haunt and torture me. Trauma is a difficult thing to get over. It would never go away, and I knew that for certain. But you could always make peace with it, and that is what I learned from my older self.

I shook away my thoughts and slowly raised myself up. My stomach was incredibly sore, like I had done nothing but sit ups while I slept. My guts twisted and ached as I moved, so I paused for a moment to control my nausea.

As I took a deep breath and began to sit up more, I heard a noise from the other side of the room, like something metal had fallen and hit the ground. A soft voice let a cuss word slip from their mouth, and my heartbeat stopped.

How had I not seen him before? Maybe he wasn't in my line of sight, or maybe he had just gotten here?

I felt tears sting in my eyes. I watched him turn around in his chair and lean down. With his right arm, he grabbed a wrench that had fallen on the wooden floor, and slowly sat up.

As he did, his beautiful brown orbs rose toward my area, and the two of us locked eyes.

Leo froze in shock. His eyes widened as he stared at me, who was halfway sitting up.

He blinked and took a sharp breath, tears quickly coming to his waterline. He smiled- genuinely smiled- and rushed to his feet.

I felt tears of my own stream down my face as Leo ran over, quickly making his way around the cots. I opened my arms to him, and he quickly fell into them. With one arm, he hugged me so tight I lost my breath. I felt his face against the crook of my neck, and his tears falling down my shoulder. His warm touch broke my icy skin, balancing my temperature as he normally did.