Jennie shut her book with a sigh, and set it back on the night table. On a whim, she stood and meandered over to the closet, peeking inside at the cocktail dress she'd hung there earlier. She ran her hand along the hemline and lifted it up, watching it catch the light as she slid the liquidly fabric back and forth across the bare skin of her arm.
She had fooled herself for a minute there, wearing this dress in the three-way mirror at the Chanel store. She'd convinced herself that this thing with Lisa might be possible after all. She might be able to pass for the type of mythical being who belonged in Lisa's world. Maybe all she needed were some new clothes. But she hadn't even managed that without making a mess of everything. No, it was pointless, trying to pretend to be someone else - someone who made sense next to the superstar that Lisa had become.
She'd known it from that first disastrous night she'd spent here in LA. Afterward, she'd tried to kid herself that maybe she was wrong. When she and Lisa were alone together, she didn't feel so out of place. It felt right when they were alone - like slipping into a comfortable old pair of favourite jeans.
But you can't have a relationship that only works when you're alone together. That just means it isn't real. Just like the "proposal" that Bella had accidentally witnessed this afternoon. Just Lisa messing around. Just play-acting.
She needed to tell Lisa to cut it out with the marriage proposals. This was the second time she'd done it now, and she hadn't meant either of them. Lisa didn't realise how it made Jennie's heart stop in her chest when she saw her go down on one knee like that. Lisa didn't understand that seeing her like that - even as a joke - reopened a very deep wound. Reminded Jennie of something precious she had once held in her hand and threw away - a dream she once had of how her life would turn out, now irretrievably lost.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the bedroom door opening. Jennie turned to see Lisa poking her head into the room.
"Hey, come on," Lisa said as she stepped inside. "We're all going to hit the pool."
She glanced down at her watch, startled to see it was already past ten o'clock. "Isn't the pool closed at this hour?"
"Exactly." Lisa grinned at her, reaching out to take her hand and lead her towards the door.
She pulled to a stop, and Lisa turned back to look at her. "Come on, it'll be fun," she said. "What's the matter?"
"I'm not wearing a bathing suit."
Lisa laughed. "That's kind of the point, Jennie."
"Lisa!"
"Don't worry," she smirked. "Kendall and Bella aren't wearing bathing suits either."
"Oh no," Jennie shook her heard. "No way."
"What?" Lisa asked, trying and failing to keep the frustration out of her voice. "What's the big fucking deal?"
"I draw the line at..."
"... you draw the line at being in the same room, apparently, since you've been hiding out in here for the past hour."
"I'm sorry!" Jennie snapped back. "I'm just not in the mood, ok?"
"What's wrong? Did something happen?"
She shook her head. "I'm just tired."
"Do you want me to make everyone leave?"
Yes, Jennie thought. Yes, that's what I want. But she could tell Lisa didn't really mean it. She shook her head instead. "I'm fine," she said. "Really. You go and have fun."
Lisa stood watching her for a moment, pressing her lips together, before she turned and headed for the door. But she stopped short just before she left the room and spun back around to face her again. "Jennie, you're being rude."
She rolled her eyes. "Honestly, Lisa. It's not like they care whether I come or not."
"Of course they care! They came here tonight to hang out with you!"
"No, they came here to hang out with you," she replied. "So go ahead and have fun."
"What am I supposed to tell them? What? You're sick?"
"I don't care." she said. "Tell them whatever you want. Tell them I said I was too old to go skinny dipping."
