Lisa squeezed her eyes shut and then opened them again, blinking rapidly as she tried to focus on the cup of coffee in her hands. She had arrived at the point of sleep deprivation where vision started to fail - not a good sign. She lounged by the open window of the hotel living room, hoping the fresh air and morning sunlight would help to rouse her. The four cups of coffee probably wouldn't hurt either.
She hadn't slept a wink last night. Again. It had been going on like this for way too long. Lisa must have gotten a grand total of about three hours of sleep total since the night of her botched marriage proposal. Ever since, she'd been spending her nights lying in bed next to Jennie, wide awake, listening to her breathing - desperately trying to memorise every little sound Jennie made in her sleep.
Lisa couldn't seem to make her mind shut off at night. It just whirred in an endless loop, going over and over her schedule for the next six months. Not that it did her any use. No matter how many times she went through it, the answer never changed. There was no way she could scrape together more than a few days a month to be in New York.
First there was the tour. That would take her through New York for one show next month, and she could try to extend that into a weekend - but then she'd be off to the Midwest after that for the entire month of August. Could she steal away for a long weekend or two in September? Possibly. But then she was scheduled to start shooting music videos and commercials for her new skincare line by the first week of October. That meant her schedule would be jam-packed with barely a moment to spare, right up through the middle of December.
It was no use. The six months would be up by then, but Jennie was crazy if she thought she'd be any closer to reaching a decision. How could she, if they were barely even be in the same city for more than a handful of days? No, Lisa knew how it would go. The six month mark would come. She would propose again. And Jennie would say she needed another six months. And another. And another. And another.
Hopeless, Lisa thought. She took a deep breath and swallowed another mouthful of coffee, struggling to tamp down the growing sense of panic.
There were only a few days left until Sunday. Jennie's flight was scheduled to leave Sunday afternoon. 4:15 PM to be exact. That was another game Lisa liked to play with herself, lying in bed next to Jennie in the darkness. Calculate the exact number of hours and minutes until Sunday at 4:15 PM. That had occupied her pretty well for at least the first couple of nights. But mathematical ability was another thing that seemed to deteriorate around night three of total sleeplessness.
The only hope was to get Jennie to stay. Convince Jennie to come with her for at least part of the tour and then stay with her afterwards here in LA. Then at least they would see each other. But Lisa knew that was hopeless too. Jennie would never go for it. Not with that damned job of hers. She wouldn't give up the job as long as things remained unsettled between them. And things would never be settled between them as long as she had the job. It was impossible. A vicious circle.
Lisa just wanted to know the answer. Now. Not in six months. Jennie had made her promise not to mention marriage again for the rest of the week, but it was all Lisa could think about last night. During the daytime too. She had been blowing off rehearsals the past few days, just focusing on showing Jennie a good time. Every time she smiled, every time she laughed, every time she looked at Lisa and she saw that glow in Jennie's eyes - every fibre of Lisa being screamed within her, "Marry me! Marry me! Marry me!"
She wanted to say it out loud. It was killing her, trying to hold it in. But she'd promised. Broken promises were not the way to convince Jennie that she was ready for a major life commitment. Dammit, why had she promised? How was she possibly going to let Jennie fly back to New York on Sunday without speaking aloud the thoughts that thundered endlessly inside her head? Impossible. Impossible.
