"Hello?"
Jennie held her cell phone to her ear and sniffed at her now ice-cold cup of coffee, setting it back down on the window sill with a sigh.
"Hey," she said into the phone. "It's me."
"Just a sec," Jisoo's voice replied. "Let me just put the baby down."
Jennie stood at the hotel room window and gazed out, waiting for her friend to come back on the line.
She hadn't expected the suite to be empty when she came back in from outside just now. Lisa must have gone out. Lisa would have gotten that call on her bat phone earlier. It must have been something important.
Jennie wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or annoyed that their conversation was now on hold indefinitely. In her mind, she kept running through the last words Lisa had said to her, "I don't think I can do this. I'm sorry. I'm trying so hard. I really am. It's just not in me..."
The words had hit her with a jolt, like a blaring alarm clock interrupting a delicious dream. Time to wake up. But she hadn't quite been ready to face reality. When Lisa's phone rang and she'd left the room, Jennie grabbed her purse and ran downstairs. Just a quick walk around the block, she'd told herself. It wasn't like she could prevent the inevitable, but she could take a moment to prepare.
Just hitting the snooze button. That's all she was really doing. Just taking a moment to ease herself out of the fantasy and back into the cold, harsh light of day.
It wasn't a surprise - what Lisa was going to say. She'd known this little vacation from reality couldn't last forever. What really came as a shock was how upset she felt about it. She'd tried so hard not to let herself get too attached, but apparently she was just kidding herself. She'd just spent the last three days alone with Lisa, revelling in her undivided attention - and that was all it took.
Why did Lisa have to do it now? Why couldn't she have realised it wasn't going to work three days ago? Maybe Jennie could have handled it three days ago. But now? Now there was no way to hear the words Lisa was about to say without falling apart.
It didn't matter. She needed to be a grown-up about it, no matter how much it hurt. The fresh air outside had helped her to get her head back on straight. She needed to keep her chin up. Not make a scene. Not let Lisa see just how much of a fool she'd made of her.
Lisa had called to her from the window before, just as she was emerging from the hotel's front entrance. She hadn't been able to make out what Lisa was saying. Probably trying to tell Jennie that she had to go out somewhere, she realised now in retrospect. She'd shouted up to Lisa, "Be back in five minutes!" She'd held up five fingers to emphasise her words, but Lisa must not have had five minutes to spare.
She wondered how long Lisa would be gone now. Maybe she should just leave and save her the trouble.
"Ok, I'm here," she heard Jisoo's voice say on the other end of the phone. "Jennie, what's this story I'm reading everywhere? Girlfriend?"
"Yeah," Jennie sighed.
"Is it true?"
"Well, it was true yesterday."
Jisoo was silent, waiting for her to explain.
"I don't know, Jisoo. I think I really screwed up."
"What happened?"
"I'm in love with her," Jennie whispered.
Jisoo groaned. "I told you! I told you to be careful."
"I know."
"Oh, Jennie. What happened? Is she still seeing that model on the side?"
"No, it's nothing like that."
"What?"
"I think she just woke up this morning and realised she isn't serious about it. About me."
"Did she say that?"
"She was about to. We got interrupted, and then she left."
"What are you going to do now?"
Jennie shook her head. She didn't know the answer. She wished she could just click her heels and whisk herself back home to New York. Back to her own bed. Back to her own covers, pulled up over her head. How was she possibly going to sit here in this room and wait for Lisa to return, knowing what was coming next?
Her thoughts were interrupted by a dog's bark and a baby's cry.
"Shit," Jisoo said. "I got to run! Jennie, are you gonna be ok?"
"Go. Go ahead. I'm fine. Really."
Jennie clicked the phone back off.
Not fine, she thought. Not really. But Jisoo had her own life. It wasn't her job to pick up the pieces, just because Jennie's life was falling apart. Jennie sat down and took a deep breath. She should go home. That's what she should do. Everything would hurt less once she was back in familiar surroundings. The memory of these past few days would fade, the way dreams always do. Then she would pick herself up and throw herself into work. Get back to her real life - the only life she had known for the past seven years. Get back to reality.
She picked up her phone and stared at it. She should call the airline. See if she could change her return flight. She should leave Lisa a note. She should get in a cab. How was she possibly going to summon the energy to do any of it?
Jennie set the cell back down and picked up the hotel phone extension instead.
"Room service," a voice answered. "How may I help you?"
"I'll have the Mystic Pizza please," Jennie said into the phone.
"Yes, Ms. Kim. Will that be one slice or two?"
Just one, Jennie thought. Never more than one. That was her future. That's all there would ever be. She'd come to terms with it a long time ago. At least she thought she had. How could she have allowed herself to hope for something more? Based on what - a few carefree days, messing around? How could she have allowed herself to believe it might be more than that?
"No," she replied to the man on the phone, lowering her voice guiltily, as if there was anyone else in the room to hear. "No no, not a slice. Just send up the whole pizza."
She set the phone back in its cradle and laid down on the couch on her side, curling her knees up to her chest. She should pack. She should call the airline. She should do anything but lie here in this room and stuff her face with pizza.
The sound of her cell phone ringing pulled her back out of her thoughts. Must be Jisoo calling back. She reached for the phone and looked down at the caller ID. Not Jisoo.
Not anyone she knew. Probably a wrong number. She was about to set the phone back on the coffee table without answering, but she glanced at it again. It was a Los Angeles area code. A local call. Who would be calling her from LA?
The phone was half-way through the fourth ring by the time she came to a decision. With a sigh, she sat back up and brought the phone to her ear.
"Hello?"
