Worst Nightmare (A Calum Hood Fanfic)

Chapter 10: Soul Searching

Soul Searching:

Calum locked the door and threw his keys across the room. They crashed to the floor, jingling the way only keys do, ending up in a heaping mess of metal in the middle of the room.

He sank onto the couch, not taking in how comfortable it was like he usually did. His head lowered into his hands and he continued to focus on his breathing until his heart rate had returned to normal. 'How dare she not tell me?' He wore a deep frown. 'She knows how important family is to me, and yet she never told me that I was a father?'

Anger threatened to surface again, but he ruthlessly stomped it down. His heart ached, and his muscles protested loudly. He rubbed his so shoulder and winced as pain shot through him. 'I think I pulled a muscle.'

As the realization that she hadn't ever intend for him to find out, fully hit him, Calum's chest squeezed tight, and his shoulders slumped forward. He stared at the floor with unseeing eyes. 'How could she do this to me and the kids?'

Remembering how angry he'd become thinking they were another man's children, a slight bit of relief washed over him when he found out they were his, followed by a sense of heartbreak at the fact that she'd never intended for him to know.

Ever.

One hand jerkily drug through his bangs yanking out several strands as he pulled his hand away. He snorted. 'We haven't been together in over six years, so who could blame me for thinking they weren't mine?' The very thought of it made him sick, though.

He sighed heavily and sat back. 'There has to have been at least one other man in her life since me.' He ground his teeth together in his anger. Especially, since she grew to enjoy sex so much.

As thoughts of another man enjoying her body entered his mind, Calum's fist clenched until his knuckles turned white. His heart rate sped up and he could feel his face turning red with anger.

'And whose fault is that?' His mind taunted him.

"Shut up." He barked.

He thought back to their school days, when he'd had to beat the shit out of a couple different guys, more than once, before they finally stopped trying to steal her from him. Even then she was quite the catch.

He shook his head sadly. 'She's too irresistible for there not have been at least one other man interested in her by now.'

He leaned back and grimaced, squeezing his eyes shut. It annoyed and upset him to think of her being with anyone else. It always had, even when he thought back on her, always figuring she'd be married or something by now. He knew he shouldn't be so jealous, not after what he did. But that didn't stop him from yearning to hunt the man, or men, down and making them regret ever touching what should only have been his.

Yes, he still saw Katelyn as his woman, despite how badly he'd treated her, and that she threw him out of her life six years ago. Just thinking of Katelyn sharing her sweet body with anyone but him, created powerful feelings of rage and jealousy. Even worse... he knew that it was his own damned fault!

He punched his thigh, cursing as pain shot through him, but taking the small punishment none the less. "Dammit!" Vulnerability and shame washed over him in waves, combining with the anger and frustration, creating a massive emotional tsunami inside of hm. Each emotional wave that crashed through him beat harder against the walls he'd built around himself.

He bent over, with his elbows resting on his knees. For the first time since he'd become an orphan when he had just turned ten, Calum allowed his armored shell to fall out of place for a few brief minutes.

Like a dam finally bursting, all of the hurt, sadness, and betrayal, rushed out in the form of a single tiny crystalline drop, which ran down his cheek. He angrily swiped the unwanted moisture away, disgusted with himself for getting so worked up.

He sat there with his eyes closed, as memories of when Katelyn had loved him played through his mind's eye.

XOXOXOXOXO

Meanwhile, with Katelyn:

Katelyn's eyes remained downcast as she folded the table cloths, stacking them into a neat pile. She hugged the last cloth to her chest, which an acute pain pierced. Tears slipped down her cheeks.

Her mind replayed the emotionless look in Calum's eyes and the icy biting tone he'd last used. She sat there sobbing as she rocked back and forth. Her throat burned and her heart ached. Her voice cracked. "What have I done?"

She dropped the cloth and stared at her trembling hands. She hugged her knees to her chest and rocked back and forth some more. 'He was an ass yes, but he didn't deserve this...'

There was an inexplicable heaviness growing in her chest. 'Despite how big of a jerk he's been, he didn't deserve this... I'm such an idiot... and now because of all of this, I might never see my kids again.'

Her hand flew to her chest and she breathed rapidly. 'Oh God, my kids. They must be so frightened... I've got to help them!' Panic settled over jumped to her feet, ready to race out the door.

Devin stepped inside the door, nearly crashing in to the woman and scowled. "Watch it!" He grabbed her arm.

Hurt by the harshness of his tone, and the name he'd just insulted her by, Katelyn allowed him to pull her back into the middle of the room.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Back in the office:

Calum sighed heavily yearning to return to the days when Katelyn had loved him. He missed those days terribly.

Growing annoyed with himself for wishing for the impossible, he stood up. 'Fuck this shit! I don't have time to be sitting here feeling sorry for myself; I have to save my kids!' He straightened his shoulders and his spine stiffened as he unlocked the door knob.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

A/N: Okay, so now we know what Calum and Katelyn are thinking and feeling... The real question is what will they do next?