The Fluffy Sofa ✔️

Date: Tuesday 14th September 2021

The first person that turned up was Fin. I hadn't even got myself dressed when he peered into my room an hour before I'd actually expected him. I suspected he skipped the last period at college to come over and see me before the others came. As he shyly came into the room and closed the door, he made sure he gave me some space which I was grateful for his concern. But I needed his touch.

I mumbled quietly for him to come to me, as I feared if I talked any louder I'd break down again. A look of relief slightly danced on his face, before he literally ran across my tiny room and lifted me in his arms. That's when I broke down.

My first time was meant to be with him. We were planning it. It was going to be a beautiful and memorable time. Now I truly don't know when or where I lost my virginity because I was drugged and abused. Things are coming back in flashes and I vaguely remember fighting him off sometimes. I'd be lying if I said I never had any nightmares about Uncle Zane raping me. Clearly that was one of the ways that my subconscious was trying to tell me what was going on. I just pushed it to the back of my mind. One of those weird things that you believe is that ridiculous to ever be true. Obviously, in hindsight, there were many things that were red flags about him. He never had a girlfriend, only one night stands. He was always too touchy and would hold me in hugs longer than deemed necessary. He was quietly angry when I had a crush on a boy or whatever. I can't believe that I never realised or even suspected.

Words can't describe how I'm feeling about myself. It's like a roller coaster. On one hand I'm incredibly proud of myself for being able to get away from him; reporting him and the police are onto him. I heard that they were trying to set him up, using dad, last night. Mum left this morning to go shopping and obviously Felix went back to school today, so I have been home all day by myself and didn't know up to this point what had happened. I hadn't asked my dad because I didn't want him to be disappointed if it didn't work. I couldn't handle any more disappointment.

Fin calmed me down and wiped away my tears. His beautiful hands traced my ugly injuries, and as I glanced up at his face which was full of pain and sadness. With one last kiss on the top of my head, he helped me get into some clean clothes. This was the first time he'd seen me in my underwear and he didn't look at me like a piece of meat. His eyes didn't linger on my boobs and his hands didn't stray far. He was treating me so gently like I was glass or something. Like I'd break. But not in a condescending way, more like a loving way.

I threw my hair into a messy bun and the two of us made our way into the living room to wait for the girls and Jakob. I asked Fin how much did they know and he said that he'd only said that I'd been hurt by my uncle and that he was only comfortable for me to explain to them. I sort of wished that he'd told them more, because I dreaded seeing their faces once I did tell them.

After around 10 minutes of us sitting in a welcoming silence, there was a knock at the door, indicating that they were here. Fin let them in and led them into the living room where I sat, realising that I was going to relive what happened again and began to get overwhelmed. Fin rushed over to me and pressed his forehead to mine, reassuring me that everything would be fine and that I only needed to do this if it was what I wanted and no one else would expect anything else.

I took a deep breath and told them all to take a seat. It was going to be one hell of a ride.

It ended in so many tears. Fin squeezed my hand the whole time, showing me that he was there for me no matter what. Tilly sobbed softly as she held onto Jakob, who stared at me in shock. Harley and Esme held onto each other and were asking so many questions about where Zane is and have they got him yet and how am I feeling and can they go kill him? The last one made me smile slightly, because he truly deserved to be punished, but was death the best course of punishment? Either way, if he was caught and he was found guilty, he'd get so many years maybe and then he'd be released. That would be his punishment. Death wouldn't be on the cards for him.

After the tears and sobs had died down, they all looked at me, and it was Tilly who uttered the question that they'd all been wanting to ask: how much do I remember about it all?

The truth is that everything is a huge blur. Flashes of memories come through every now and then. Some scare the shit out of me. Some infuriate me. But every single one of them saddens me. If only someone had seen him just once, then perhaps things wouldn't have gotten that bad. All I know is that I want all of it to be over with. I need to heal and get through it. And I know I will.

I was so glad that I had them here by my side because if I was dealing with this alone I wouldn't know what to do. I'd probably kill myself. No joke. Having those beautiful people around me makes me feel incredibly loved. I have Felix too, who I feel so bad for because he's had to learn pretty grown up things in the past few days. Things he didn't need to know, not for years anyway. I'm so thankful that Zane didn't hurt him as well. Then I would definitely take the girl's offer up on killing Zane.

Jakob asked some questions about Zane, which was strange. For example, he asked if he was the one that lived down the street from where we used to live, and that he and my dad are twins right? He said he thinks he might know someone who knows him or something, but in all honesty, I didn't care. It was just weird that Jakob showed an interest in my family, that was all. But perhaps I was overthinking. It is what I do now: question everything, trust no one.

After taking a deep breath, I told them that I would be going back to school tomorrow. I needed some normality back into my life. The past so many weeks had been stupidly crazy. Right out of someone else's life, not mine. They were shocked and asked if that was the right thing to do. But I mean, what else am I doing at home? Sitting down or moping around the house, awaiting any news on Zane? No thanks. I'll do that at home.

They left after giving me gentle hugs and kisses on the cheek and told me that they'd see me in the morning to walk into school together. I waved them off and closed the door just as my phone began to ring. It was mum.

She told me that the setup last night did work and that they have Zane in custody and that she has found out that he is cooperating with the police and telling them everything. Her voice sounded strange on the phone, almost worried but I didn't understand why: he'd been arrested! I asked her what was wrong to which she hesitated before replying: Zane has been saying that there are videos.

Videos of what?

Videos as proof of him abusing me. He was willingly giving that up. Why? Why wasn't he fighting for his supposed innocence? Was he giving up, as he should, and taking his punishment? What was his game?

I'd have to watch these videos...that honestly terrified me. Perhaps this was his way of torturing me one last time.

{a/n hi! please follow/vote/comment! i'd also love any book recommendations if anyone would like to offer some? thank you}