The Fluffy Sofa ✔️

Date: Wednesday 15th September 2021

So going back to school was as awful as what I thought it would be. Many theories on what had happened were flying around, some absolutely insane and most pretty much dead on. I think someone had overheard their police officer dad talking about it. But obviously I didn't say anything to anyone because it's nobody's business but mine and I'll tell whoever I want to tell. Everyone knew that Zane had been arrested and some of the girls were even trying to say that he'd tried it on with them. Knowing what I know, I couldn't deny it.

Funny enough, I somehow gained lots more friends today when I went back to school. I wasn't born yesterday; I was aware that they were just trying to extract any information from me under the pretence of being my friend. I knew that once they got that information I'd be dropped and forgotten. I already had my friends and they were enough support. It was actually quite hilarious because even the teachers were so far up my arse, I could have probably squeezed out every drop of sympathy they had and tried getting something out of it. However I didn't have that in me.

All in all, the day sucked pretty bad and I couldn't wait to get home. Although, I realised pretty quickly that I wasn't going home. I was going to the police station about the videos that Zane had claimed there were of me. Just the thought of that made me sick to my stomach. If there were videos of him sexually abusing me then what were they for? Did he use them to get off on? Or was it for the sole purpose to throw in my face once he inevitably was caught? Whatever the reason was, it was vile and disgusting.

I spent most of the day reassuring people I was okay and not to worry about it, but I was truly kidding myself. I was dying inside. I wanted to rip my skin off everywhere he touched. Which seemed to be every inch of my body. I felt a phantom itch that spread across my arms and chest then down my stomach and legs. The only way to make it subside was to nip away at my thighs through my school trousers. My leg bounced with nerves every second of the day and my ears felt as if they would burn right off from the utter embarrassment that all this caused. I have always hated being in the limelight. There's nothing worse than unwelcome attention.

My phone buzzed every now and then with texts from Fin asking if I'm okay; some were even silly memes to make me smile. He's a keeper, definitely. But the weirdest thing happened today. Nathan, my ex boyfriend, came up to talk to me, for the first time since we broke up. He said he wanted to talk about something in private and I told him he can talk to me any time he wants. He nodded then walked away. But then when I got home, I got a text from him:

'I think you were drugged that day that we broke up. You just came from your uncle's right? I just wanted to apologise. You didn't deserve how I treated you. I was a selfish little boy, I'm not that person anymore. I'm here if you need to talk x'

I thanked him for the apology. But he can fuck off. He blew it.

My mum picked me up from school to take me straight to the police station. I think she was as scared as I was. If not more scared. She'd be watching the videos as well and I couldn't imagine having to watch what happened to your child and you couldn't do anything about it. This is literally a nightmare for everyone. I can't wait until it's over with.

Once we walked into the police station, I was met with some sympathetic eyes from some of the female police officers and most, if not all, the male police officers were angry and riled up. As if Zane's actions had affected them personally. It sort of made me feel a bit better.

Watching the videos was horrifying. Truly like being dragged through hell. I couldn't watch them all. There were so many. There were hundreds of pictures as well. I just couldn't. I think taking in those images has scarred me forever. Hearing my unconscious muffled screams and his disgusting grunts has been burned into my brain. I had to confirm that it was me. It was. It was 100% me and I felt so heartbroken that Zane could have done that to me. We were supposed to be so close and have this amazing bond. I mean, clearly he thought that was true because he'd been continually raping me for years so he must've felt some kind of bond.

The thought makes me shiver with disgust.

They also asked my mum a question that sort of made me think hard. They asked her about their relationship, to which my mum side eyed me and sighed, no more lies, and replied that they'd had one yes. How long has it been going on, since before Octavia was born? Yes, why? More or less than 9 to 10 months before she was born?

Um. What?