—sammy
i watched her silently, awkwardly. i shoved my hands in my pockets anxiously.
"im almost to the apartment, ill be there soon." she said starting to walk again. i followed quietly.
she hung up the phone and grabbed my hand again. "awsten got in a car wreck, come on." she said dragging me. i felt happy that she still wanted me around, even if we were going to see awsten. part of me didnt care if awsten was hurt.
every time i think back to the record store i get angry. why did he think he could just shout at her? i wanted her to myself in this moment. she was supposed to be spending time with me.
the walk was silent. i could tell she was scared. she didnt want him to be hurt.
we got to where he said he was. and low and behold, he was there.
but no car wreck...
what the fuck?
jackie dropped my hand and crossed her arms, walking towards an angry looking awsten.
"what? wheres your car?" she said confused.
"there is no car." i said behind her. she looked at me and raised her eyebrows. i took that as a 'shut the fuck up sam' so i backed off.
awsten walked to jackie and hugged her. "listen i knew this would be the only way to get you to see me in person. i just want to talk." he said holding her.
my ears were burning. my chest was tight and stomach dropping.
jackie hugged him back. "awsten im not mad. i just need you to know that im my own person. i dont belong to you." she said letting go of him.
"do you belong to him?" he said looking at me. my whole body was numb at this point.
— jackie
"do you belong to him?" aws said staring at sam. i stood in front of him
"is that a bad thing? can i not be happy?" i said starting to tear up at this point.
awsten laughed in my face. "you are so clueless." he said turning away.
sam couldnt take anymore. he pushed past me and swung, hitting awsten in the nose, knocking him to the ground.
i was angry at both of them in this moment.
do either of them listen?
i grabbed sam by the hair and pulled him away from awsten. "stop! now!" i shouted at them both.
i was fully crying now.
once they both looked at me their faces dropped.
"jackie.." awsten started
"dont." i said pushing him away. "both of you, leave." i said leaving them on the street, walking towards my apartment.
did they think this was a game? that i was a prize?
i was more mad at awsten than sam. sam just wanted to protect me. but i also fear that awsten could be right about sam. he was never wrong before.
i got inside and fell to the ground in a full sob.
—sammy
jackie left us both standing there. i looked at awstens blood on my knuckles. 'shit.. this isnt what she wanted..' i thought.
"i guess she picked you. good luck." he said laughing again. "she will drive you insane. she is confusing. she'll never make up her mind."
i looked at him one last time. "ive seen her smile more today with me than ever with you." i scoffed.
"you dont know that." awsten started again.
"this isnt what she wants awsten. im going home." i said turning my back to him and leaving.
i wanted more than anything to see her right now. but we have only two weeks left of recording then its back home.
i needed to finish what i came here for first.
but would i ever get to see her again?
