—sammy
i stared myself down in the mirror in the dressing room.
what i thought was adrenaline quickly turned into nerves.
what if shes here? what if i see her? what if she says hi?
my mind raced with what ifs and doubts which made me even more nervous.
"onstage in 5." an employee yelled at us through the door.
josh walked over to me and patted my back.
"i promise you it'll be okay." he said sincerely.
"fuck off." i shoved him and made my way backstage.
i didnt want to be angry, but i tend to get that way when my mind is racing.
jake stood beside me while checking everything on his guitar.
"you ready little brother?" he said without looking at me.
i nodded without looking up
"knock em dead." he said patting me as the lights went down.
the crowd roared as me and my brothers made our way on the stage. i found myself immediately scanning the crowd.
we started our first song and i tried my best to focus on playing.
but it was so difficult.
in between songs i went to the side of the stage for a beer. vivian stood there with her arms crossed beside the guitar cases.
"you sound like shit out there." she laughed
i scoffed.
"fuck off." i grumbled.
—jackie
while i was glad my dad sat us as far as possible, i wished i wouldve been able to see better.
the screaming fangirls in front of me jumping up and down made it impossible to enjoy myself.
but as soon as i caught a glimpse of sam on stage, all i could feel was butterflies.
his hair was shorter, but he still had his same baby face.
he looked like an angel.
i listened to them play while my stomach was in whirls.
i recognized one of the songs, i had heard them rehearsing it before while recording .
except sam didnt sound like he was supposed to.
he was messing up.
was he that nervous? i know he had played shows before, even bigger ones than this.
did he know i was there?
the set went on and i enjoyed listening to jake and josh.
at one point i noticed josh send sam a look.
they were mad at each other. what in the world was going on?
before the encore, one of my dads friends from the studio came over to our seats.
after a greeting with my dad he looked at me. "you must be jackie." he smiled
i nodded.
"the boys want you back stage." he said signaling to follow him.
the fangirls around me started to turn around and give me looks and exchange whispers.
my stomach was in knots.
i nodded and followed him.
—sammy
"sam what the fuck was that?" jake said grabbing a water bottle and tossing it at me lightly.
"i dont fucking know okay? im not in my right mind." i mumbled.
"well fix it." josh said without looking at me.
after exchanging some argumentative words, a crew member walked back stage.
"shes here josh." he said patting josh on the back.
my head shot up.
there she was.
jackie stood awkwardly with her hands behind her back.
i tensed up.
"hello angel!" josh said hugging her.
"when i heard you were coming i knew i had to see you!" he said without letting her go.
she hugged him back, staring at me.
when josh let go, jake hugged her next. his was short and brief, but still more than i was comfortable doing.
"hey sweetheart." he said grabbing her hand and squeezing it.
she smiled at him.
"hi guys." she said, not even looking at me anymore.
josh turned to me.
"sam?" he raised an eyebrow.
viviane walked backstage and threw her arm around me. "hi darling." she slurred.
drunk. god damn it.
she smelled like vodka and cheap perfume.
this is so fucking embarrassing.
"whos this?" she said pointing at jackie.
"oh im a friend... of.. josh and jakes.." she said scooting closer to jake.
she was uncomfortable.
this could not get any worse, but we had to go back on stage.
leaving viviane and jackie alone on the side of the stage.
the lights went down again and i pulled viv off of me. "go sit somewhere else." i whispered to her.
"no! i want to stand with your little friend." she said slurring again.
jackie stiffened. jake grabbed her arm sincerely.
"its okay." he whispered to her.
i wish he would fucking stop touching her.
i grabbed my bass and made my way up the stairs, my brothers following.
the crowd roared once more.
