The Path To You

10. A hole in my chest

When I decided to not cry over Connor it had been such a lie. I kept that a secret from my roommates, only letting the tears fall late at night before I fell asleep. They all were giving me pitying looks whenever we crossed paths so I really didn't want them to see me cry.

I felt so dumb for even being upset because Connor and I were just friends. We had always been just friends. But still it felt like I had my heart ripped out.

Connor had always kept it platonic. He turned me down when I had tried to kiss him during bowling. But still my mind clung onto the memories of all the things he'd said to me.

"You're my favorite person."

"I don't do well without you Jet Plane."

"I love you Jet Plane."

But then those words got replaced by different ones.

"Did you think I ever actually wanted you around? You're only here because I wanted to fuck you so you can go now. I don't go back for seconds."

My heart twisted in my chest. I had thought he cared. I had thought I'd seen him look at me the way most people dreamed to be looked at like. Sometimes I'd turn and see him staring at me and I swear I felt like he was looking at me like I was his whole world. I thought I'd seen love in his eyes but really it was all just a lie.

My conversation with Jake popped into my head. I thought back on what he had told me. Thought about the idea that Connor didn't mean the words he used against the people he cared about. I thought about how he pushed everyone away so they would leave him alone.

What if he really needed someone? What if he actually drank himself to death and I could have done something to stop it?

I was abandoning him and I didn't know exactly how I felt about that. But I knew I couldn't go over there and see him. I couldn't face Connor.

"I brought reinforcements." Becca popped her head into my room a bag of snacks in her hand.

"I'm fine, I don't need snacks or reinforcements." I grumbled turning my attention to the school assignment I was trying and failing to do.

"We're not letting you mope in here by yourself." Evan pushed through the door with Becca right next to him.

"Guys." I groaned knowing they wouldn't leave.

"Please don't tell me I bought these for nothing." Monroe walked in a tray of slushies.

"We're watching movies and pigging out. If you don't join us your slushie will melt."

I knew better than to try to argue with my friends so I just sighed and joined them where they were all piling up on my bed.

"So which movie are we watching?" I asked.

Becca's face lit up at my words. She scrambled to join Monroe on the bed laying right over his legs to give space for Evan on the other side of me.

"We should watch Star Wars." Evan suggested.

"Please not Star Wars." Becca groaned.

"Come on we could watch 4,5 and 6. It's the best trilogy." Evan argued.

"Do you want to make Jetson more depressed?" Becca fought right back.

"Maybe let Jet pick the movie since we did just barge into his room." Monroe suggested.

Everyone turned their attention to me looking for my answer. I hated trying to pick out a movie but at the moment I wanted nothing more than a movie to distract me from the pain in my heart.

"What about knives out?" I questioned.

"Yes thank god for Jetson who has actual good taste in film." Becca grabbed my tv remote going to turn on the movie.

"Here." Monroe passed me a cherry slushie and I took it with a smile.

I was a whore for anything cherry. I used to not like it growing up but in college I started drinking black cherry lemonades and now cherry is like my drug.

"This is so fucking good." I groaned taking a huge sip ignoring the way it froze my mouth.

"We have snacks too." Evan dumped the whole bag of snacks onto my lap.

It had all my favorites. And for the first time since I stood in front of Connor at his house the pain in my heart dimmed. I had such a good support system right here. I had friends that would go out and get me all my favorite foods and spend an afternoon cheering me up.

I had friends that actually cared about me the same way I cared about them.

"I love you guys." I told them feeling a rush of emotion that was good for once.

"Aww we love you too." Becca squeezed my arm.

"You're a good friend Jet. I got your back always." Monroe gave me one of his signature smiles.

"I've never had a real family before but I got to say you guys are the best damn family I could ever have." Evan piped in.

And he was right. I mean I had my parents but these guys were family just the same. I didn't know how I would have made it through these four years without any of them. Becca who was loud and crazy but knew how to make you smile all the time. Monroe who would have your back through everything. And Evan who was my captain, the guy who would listen to anything I had to say without judgement.

They were my best friends. The people who I could count on. The people who wouldn't destroy me for just trying to help them.

I knew this was going to be hard. Trying to patch myself back up after Connor wasn't something I could do in a day but I had people who cared about me who would help me along the way.

And maybe with their help I'd wake up one day and not feel like there was a hole in my chest. Maybe I'd be able to breathe without the echo of pain reminding me that something was missing.

A/n:

I had someone ask for the pictures of the characters like I did in crossing lines so I figured I'd add them again for you guys.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter!
-Cora Leigh