The Path To You

25. Just friends

I only got to lay out on the bed with Connor peacefully for so long. There was so much that we needed to talk about and there was no use trying to keep pushing it off.

Part of me was scared of what might happen next. The words that had to be said and how that would effect our relationship. I wanted something more with Connor but we were at a road block. I had no clue where he stood and there had been a lot that we didn't talk about. Things he'd done that I pushed aside because he was suffering.

"We should really talk now." I interrupted the comfortable silence.

"Yeah probably." Connor nodded.

I could see the stress of his face so I settled on something a little bit safer to start with.

"How was rehab?" I asked.

"Pretty shit, I was basically counting down the seconds until I could leave." He joked. "But it was good, a lot of therapy and being forced to really look at myself. As much as I hated being there it was exactly what I needed to get my life back. I think I'd been tricking myself into believing that I'd be able to work my way back all on my own but I don't think I could've. Once I got through the withdrawal and I was stuck with all my thoughts while sober, it was crippling how terrible it was. It wasn't even just things with my coach, it was things I'd done to friends, my family, you."

I could see the remorse on his face. The way those actions still ate away at him. I didn't want Connor to feel guilty and let the past drag him back down. It was time to move forward and just do better.

"You've made some mistakes Connor but the best way to make up for those mistakes is to stay sober and show everyone how much you've grown and changed." I told him.

"I know and I plan to do that. I want to show you I can do better and keep these promises I've made. I need to make up for everything I put you through. You didn't deserve the way I treated you and I'm so sorry. All those things I'd said trying to hurt you, I can't go back and change it but I need you to know I didn't mean it. I care about you so much and it kills me to know that I hurt you the way I did."

"I forgive you, I know it was fucked the things you said but I can see you trying to do better and as long as you keep showing me that I'll be right here being your biggest supporter."

I knew this wasn't going to be easy. It wasn't just going to be smooth sailing from here. There'd be bumps in the road and Connor might slip up and have bad days but I was ready to stand by him as long as he kept trying to make it out the other side.

"I was expecting to have to do a lot more for that forgiveness. Are you sure you don't want me to beg on my knees, I bet I look hot as fuck on my knees for you." He winked at me.

I just rolled my eyes at his antics.

"Trust me I thought about making you work for it. I decided to be nice and let you get on your knees for me for a different reason."

"All you have to do is ask Jet plane, you know that." He reached forward cupping the side of my face with his hand.

It would be so easy to lean forward and close the distance between us. To connect my lips with his and fall back into those perfect kisses. I wanted that more than anything but I knew we shouldn't. Connor and I needed to go slow, to focus on just being friends to each other.

I loved Connor and I wanted nothing more than to just get lost in him. But he'd just gotten out of rehab and we needed to take our time.

"We can't." I said quietly.

"I know," he nodded.

"I think we need to just be friends for now." I said the words out loud and the second they left my mouth I wanted to reach out and push them back in.

I wasn't ready to say goodbye to the kisses and the way Connor had held me against him. I wanted more and more. I felt that wanting grow with each second and I didn't want to ignore that. I didn't want to have to push it down until one day when we were finally ready.

I wanted it to be today but we rarely ever got what we wanted.

"That's probably for the best." Connor agreed.

"That means no more make out sessions." Connor pouted at me the second I said those words. "I mean it Connor." I tried to sound serious.

"You know I kiss my friends, always have." Connor said full of mischief.

"Connor-,"

"I'm serious, just ask Dom I kiss my friends hello, goodbye and sometimes even a 'you're so pretty I might die' make out session."

"Connor please be serious." I groaned.

"Fine no kissing." He caved.

I felt good about this friends thing. Connor and I had always just been friends, even when the line got blurred we still remained just friends. But when he left and confessed his feelings that line seemed to obliterate. It felt like friends was the last thing we could be, having the feelings voiced out loud made it hard to remember why we couldn't just be together.

I wanted this to work and if we rushed into something now I didn't think it would be good for either of us. There was trust to be built back and Connor needed to learn to land on his feet.

I was more than happy to wait until we were finally ready.

"Are handjobs part of the friendship arrangement or are they like making out?" Connor questioned a goofy smile already spreading across his face.

"That was the only one you're getting, sorry."

"Damn if I'd known that I would've tried to last a little longer. I can't convince you to change your mind, can I?"

I let out a loud laugh and shoved Connor away from me. He was so ridiculous but somehow no matter how I was feeling he made it better. He made me laugh and smile easier than anyone else.

"You're so ridiculous." I chuckled.

"You love it."

Yeah, I really did.

A/n:

Sorry I missed an update and only gave you one chapter this week. It's honestly been kinda chaotic but I have next week off of work and plan to get some writing and stuff done. So hopefully you'll see two chapters next week.

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!
-Cora Leigh