The Path To You

11. Day 12

By day 12 of my self pity party everyone in my life was over it. It was creeping towards two weeks and I was just waiting for one of my roommates to drag me out somewhere.

But day 12 was going to be different. Day 12 was the end of my pity parade and the beginning of moving the hell on. Which meant I was finally opening up my dating app for the first time since I downloaded it the day Connor got lost in the park. I was going to make a super amazing profile and then I was going to go on a bunch of dates and not think about Connor even once.

Well that was the plan. I wasn't quite sure how well that was going to go yet.

The first step I needed to take was to chose some photos. Opening up my photo album felt like a stab to the heart. It was filled with stupid memories of Connor and I. There was the photos of me bowling that Connor had taken with my phone. A picture he had snapped of me while I was eating my ice cream, my hand reaching out trying to block myself from the camera. Pictures he took of the both of us before parties, drunk selfies he took while laid out in one of our beds.

The memories were endless. Some of the pictures I didn't even realize I had. A lot of them I didn't even know had been taken and some I was too drunk to remember it all. I didn't stop scrolling through them.

It was like a map of our whole friendship. Each picture showed the story and gradually showed us grow closer. As I scrolled further back most of them were of Connor. Times he'd stolen my phone taking a picture of himself, a few I was leaning over his shoulder trying to reach to grab the phone back.

In all of them we both had wide smiles on our faces.

He'd made me so happy in all the time I'd known him. From the second we met he'd made my whole world feel easier to be in. Even with his drinking and all his faults, Connor had made my life better and now that he wasn't in it I felt incomplete.

I stopped my scrolling once I ended up on a photo that had my heart stopping. None of the other ones hurt quite like this one.

It was our first photo together. Our first photo from the first day we officially met. We were laid up in Connors bed, he was wrapped around me holding my phone up smiling widely.

"What are you doing?" I looked over at the brunette next to me.

"I'm taking a picture of us, you have to smile." Connors smile was so bright I couldn't help but return it.

"Why?"

"Why not? Don't you want to remember this moment forever?" He asked.

"I don't think I'll forget." I said truthfully, it felt weird to admit that out loud but it was true.

"Me neither, you're kinda unforgettable."

I felt my heart thud in my chest. I didn't think I'd ever had someone tell me that before.

"Take the picture." I smiled leaning into him and looking up at the phone lens.

The memory made my heart squeeze painfully in my chest. Things had been so easy then. We'd barely known each other but it didn't matter then. Sometimes I felt like I knew just as much about Connor then as I did right now.

I forced myself to back out of that photo and went back to some of the ones of just me. After I found a few that weren't terrible I loaded them up onto the profile. I wasn't going to back out. I couldn't let myself be stuck on Connor forever.

We had one night together and it was time to stop hoping for more.

I filled out my information and slapped on a really shit bio and then suddenly I was officially online dating. I pressed the button and my account was made.

I felt a wave of nerves fit me. I hadn't dated anyone in so long I didn't even think I knew how to anymore. The last time I was dating anyone was Marina, my high school sweetheart. I dated her until my freshman year of college when she cheated on me. We'd had to do long distance and while I was ready to make that work she had different feelings about it. Not that she shared those feelings until she was telling me about how she slept with someone else because she didn't want to date me if we weren't going to see each other as much.

After that I didn't date anymore. Well after that I was totally heartbroken and barely did much of anything. But I'd moved past that heart break now and I could easily look back on that relationship and realize she was the worst and I had deserved a lot better.

I focused back onto my task of swiping through profiles. There were a few girls that looked like they were nice and so I had liked those profiles. Then there were some that weren't my type and there were a few guys claiming to be straight which I gave an immediate no to.

Once I started to swipe along it was actually kind of fun. It felt a little bit like a game but I knew I'd have to actually talk to some of these people, well once I actually got a match.

I wasn't too worried about that though.

My online dating exploration was cut short by my phone going off.

Dom was calling me.

I was immediately getting flashbacks to that night. Connor stranded and unconscious in a park. The nerves shot through me, I only hesitated a second before answering.

"Hello?" I answered.

"You better not be busy Saturday night." He said without a hello.

"I think I might be free." I told him.

"Great because we are going to a party."

My immediate response was to say no. All the recent parties I went to had been with Connor. I hadn't really drank much when I went out with him because I always wanted to look after him. But before Connor I had gone out to parties a lot. There had been plenty of nights I'd gone out drinking with my teammates from the football team and ended up way too drunk and stumbled my way home in the morning. I'd woken up on my teammates couch or sometimes unfortunately the floor plenty of times over the years.

I hadn't done that in awhile though and frankly I didn't miss it all that much.

"I don't know Dom, I'm not sure I'm really in the party mood." I said trying to get out of it.

"Jake told me you're pouting around and being miserable so it's time to get up and party." The way he said it made it very clear that he wasn't going to give up until I agreed.

"Fine but I'm leaving whenever I want to, if I walk in and hate it I'm turning right back around."

"Yay!! Callum he said yes!" Dom yelled to his boyfriend which I figured was next to him.

"I have class but text me the information." I told my friend.

"Ok! See you Saturday."

Once we hung up I let out a breath. This was going to be something alright. A party would be good for me and maybe I'd find someone to help me in my process of moving on.

And just like that the universe seemed to listen because my phone buzzed with a notification.

I had a match.

I clicked on the dating app and pulled up the match. It was with a cute looking guy named Seth. He went to Kingsley and was majoring in some type of computer science. He looked nice and had light brown hair that was almost blonde.

I ignored all the nerves bubbling up inside me and sent him a message.

Day 12, it was the start of moving on.