The Path To You

30. Keep fighting

Connor's POV-

"You did good today." His hand brushed my waist as he walked past me.

"Thank you coach." I smiled at the compliment.

I wanted to do good. I wanted to stay in his good graces. I could still remember the feeling of his hand slapping my face. I knew what would happen if i disappointed him. I needed to just ride out the rest of the year.

"Come to my office once you put your stuff away, I want to go over some things for your scholarship." I felt his hand land on my arm and my stomach sink.

I thought maybe if I did good in practice this would all be over. I wanted it to be over. I wanted him to just stop touching me and let me leave. I wanted to be anywhere but here.

I felt that want settle inside me. This time would be different. I'd say no this time. I'd tell him no and it will all just stop.

I put my stuff in my locker with a new sense of determination. This was all finally over.

"Can I come over today? Ronan has physical therapy and I'd rather not just sit around in an empty house." Reid asked leaning against the locker next to mine.

"Yeah I just got to talk to coach real quick but I'll meet you by my car." I nodded at my best friend.

"Can't it wait? I'm starving I think my stomach is going to start eating itself."

"It's for my scholarship." I told him.

"I thought you already got that." He frowned with confusion.

"I'll be like five minutes, stop being so impatient." I shoved his shoulder lightly hoping he'd just drop it.

"Whatever but we're hitting the drive thru on our way home."

"As long as you're paying." I smiled.

"Fine it's a deal." He turned to go get his things from his own locker.

I took a deep breath and then went to coach's office. This wasn't the first time I'd been in there but I still had all the nerves like it was. It never got easier to step through that door.

Not a single part of my body wanted to step inside but I made myself do it. It would be different, it wouldn't happen again.

"Shut the door." Coach didn't even look up as I stepped inside.

I listened to him wordlessly. It was basically an instinct at this point. It was like I was programmed to follow his every direction. My body went into action before I could even think about what I was doing. I didn't want the door to be closed, I didn't want to close myself in here with him.

But it was too late. I already closed the door and turned back around before I realized what I had done.

"This is what I want to see from you Connor. You listened so well out there for me. You see what that gets you? You had the best practice you've had all week. This is how you keep that scholarship, all it takes is one slip up and it's all gone. Do you want that?" He stood up rounding the desk towards me.

"No." I shook my head.

"I only want the best for you, everything I ask from you is because I want you to succeed when you leave here. I do this for you Connor." His hand came up and it took everything in me to not flinch as he curled it around the back of my neck.

"No." It was practically a whisper.

"What?"

"I don't want this." I tried to pull my head back away from him but his grip on the back of my neck tightened.

"Really connor? You get what you want and now you want to say no? I gave you everything, I picked you when it could have easily been anyone else. That friend of yours Reid, I bet he wishes he could be right where you are, wishes he had the scholarship that you have. But it's not him, it's you, I picked you and now you want to say no to me." He gave me a devilish smile.

"I- I," I tried to find something to say, to push the words out but I had nothing.

I was lucky it was me. If only so that Reid or anyone of the other guys didn't have to go through this torture. I'd take it all if it meant no one else would.

But it shouldn't be anyone.

No one should have to be in this office with this man.

I didn't deserve this.

"All you need to do is keep your mouth shut and listen to me, you can do that right?" His thumb swept up the side of my jaw softly.

My whole body shook, I didn't want this. I didn't want this.

"No." I repeated.

It would be the only word I would say. It was all that would come out but I clung to that no like it was a life line.

"If you won't listen then I'll just have to make you."

Everything that had happened before had been torture. All the things we'd done, I had thought that had been the worst of it.

But I knew nothing. I wasn't ready for what would come.

I jolted awake as the memories still bounced around in my mind.

Fuck.

I was swarmed with it and all I wanted was to drink it all away. I wanted it so bad I found myself scanning my room hoping to find a bottle waiting for me. Obviously there was nothing here in this house, I'd need to go out and it was in the middle of the night.

Usually when I felt like this I'd call Jetson just to hear his voice. He always knew how to calm me down and talk me off the ledge. And then when I'd returned to reality I'd call my therapist and get an emergency session to keep myself on the right path.

Right now it was 3:25am and I couldn't get myself to wake Jetson up. I didn't want to be bothering him constantly to the point he got sick of being the shoulder I needed to stay standing.

I had to find another way so I just grabbed my blanket and walked out of my room. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep in my bed tonight, the memories were too fresh in my head.

I walked right into my parents room. They were both passed out in their bed and I didn't even bother to wake them up, I just threw myself down in the chair my mom used to read.

I curled into the hoodie I'd taken from Nico and the blanket id had since I was a kid. All I wanted was to feel safe for at least a little while. Here surrounded by my parents and in the clothes of someone who'd picked me up off the ground one too many times, I felt like maybe I'd make it through one more night.

It wasn't the perfect solution but it was something and when I woke up I'd make an appointment with my therapist.

I wouldn't stop fighting. I would keep moving forward.

This was my life and I wouldn't let anyone take it away from me again.

A/n:

The second half of this book is going to be Connor heavy. I'd been struggling with writing a little because I wanted to get more of a mix of the povs but trying to write Jetson chapters just felt like filler. So I've made the decision that's it's okay for there to be mainly Connor chapters because that's what's important to the story.

I will be doing bonus chapters like I did in crossing lines so feel free to request things you want to see throughout the rest of this book. It's helpful for me to see what the readers might want and allows me more time to brainstorm some ideas and plan it all out.

Also I wanted to thank everyone for the support last chapter. I appreciate how understanding you all are and honestly I'm still in a rough spot and completely exhausted. But I put in for some time off at work and I only have about a month left until I get a break from my job for a few weeks. I think having a nice break will allow me to hopefully get some sleep and work on myself a bit. Im also going on vacation in about a month for my birthday and planning that has been a good distraction from all the bad.

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!
-Cora Leigh