Six Pills - A KuroKen Fanfic

{Chapter Ten}

"I…I know more than you think I do." He looked down at the ground. 

"How much did he tell you?" 

"All of it."

"Why didn't you tell him about this then?" I pulled my vape out and took a hit. 

"I assumed it was helping, and It's not the worst thing you could do, so I let it go."

"I mean…it helps most of the time. It helps make intrusive thoughts go away for a bit, and it helps get me through smaller episodes so I don't have to bother Kuroo." I looked at the ground. 

"Call him. Even for those small ones. I promise you, he cares more than anyone on this planet." 

All lies. 

Kuroo would never give a fuck.

"No, he doesn't. It's all out of pity." I said under my breath. 

"Listen, when he found you that night…I was the first person he called once he made sure you were stable, cleaned up, and didn't need medical attention. When you fell asleep, he called me crying. He was a mess for weeks. He didn't want to leave your side, even though he knew he had to. He stayed up on the nights he couldn't stay over, just in case you called or texted him." 

"But he got over it. I bet he doesn't care anymore. He's had time to think and probably wishes he'd let me die." I was crying at this point. 

"Kenma, no. I promise you, he cares more than you know."

No one cares about a freak.

"How could he care about me? I'm not good at anything, I mess shit up, I'm a disappointment that just deserves to die." I was trying so hard not to completely break down. 

"The other night…when he wanted to come back here alone…he left because he was close to breaking down and didn't want you to see it. The day before that, in the gym, he said all you said was 'I want to…' and he didnt know if you meant cut or kill yourself. He messaged me as soon as he was in the dorms, he had me meet him out here once you were inside and we talked. Even after that, he still couldn't sleep. He stayed up worrying. He's scared to lose you, Kenma." I was at a complete loss for words. After a few minutes, the guilt got to me and I was in a full breakdown. 

"I relapsed." I sobbed. 

"I know. I could see it every time you hit receives." 

"I deserve this. I deserve to hurt." I pulled up my sleeves and stared down at the newer cuts. I wanted to make more, keep cutting until I bled out. 

"No you don't. You deserve to be happy, to feel loved, to have friends." He pulled me into a hug to comfort me. I just kept sobbing. 

"I hate this. I hate feeling like this. I hate living." 

"Is there anything I can do to help?" 

"I…I don't know." 

"Do you want me to call him?" 

"No. Please don't. He'll be pissed that I relapsed. He'll be mad I woke him up. He-"

"Listen, I think he's who you need right now." He interrupted me. 

"Fine…" I agreed. He was right. I did need Kuroo. He's one of the few people that can calm me down. 

Bokuto pulled out his phone and called him and had him on speaker. I tried to stay silent, but it wasn't happening. 

"Bokuto, what's up?" Kuroo sounded confused. 

"I need you down here…we're outside."

"Be there in 5." The line went dead after that. 

It wasn't even five minutes and Kuroo was right by my side. 

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here." He stole me from Bokuto and pulled me into a hug. We just sat there for a while. I couldn't stop crying. I eventually cried myself to sleep there in Kuroo's arms.

Word Count;659