dreams to reality

35.

Scotland are out of the euros.

So many different emotions, I couldn't believe it to be honest. We had such a dominant first half, and the second half was such a battle . We tried so hard, but unfortunately Netherlands got a goal straight after half time and sealed it in the 80th minute. Viv scored the second.

I was hurt, so hurt. This team didn't deserve it. This country didn't deserve it but that's football. I burst into tears at the final whistle, viv helped me to my feet and gave me a hug. "I'm so sorry Bella" she said, I couldn't reply. I stayed silent. "These things happen but I know you'll come back stronger" she said and I smiled, "thank you" was all I managed to get out. I shook every players hand before heading into the changing room. There was nothing left of us, we left everything on the pitch.

It just wasn't out day I suppose.

***
I was packing my things up with Erin, we hadn't spoke since the match. It was nearly 20 hours since the game. I got a few pity messages but not one from Leah. All she said was 'I love you' and that was all I needed.

Eventually Erin spoke first, "your songs blowing up" it wasn't about football which I was thankful for, but i was confused. "Huh?" I replied and she showed me her phone, she was right. It had blown up. "Even a few artists have put it on insta and want to know who it is" Erin said making me go red, I couldn't believe it. "Wow I don't even know what to say" I said and Erin laughed, "this is mad" she said and I nodded. I mean the only 2 people that know is Erin and Sam Kerr, even Leah doesn't know yet.

We had dinner and settled down for the movies night with the girls, since it was the last time. Everyone fell asleep but I couldn't sleep, thoughts were racing round my head. I messaged Leah knowing she'd be sleeping. 'Thank you for giving me space, it's been hard the last few days. I'll phone you tomorrow when I get back to England, love you so much xx' I smiled before turning off my phone. I watched the rest of the movie before falling asleep.

"Morning" Jen said walking over to me with a coffee, "morning" I replied, my voice all raspy. "How you feeling" she asked me. "I don't know. It's weird to describe, I'm hurt but I also feel like I've accepted it in a way, I feel like there's bigger things coming" I said sitting up. She nodded, "weirdly me too" we both had accepted it, of course it's hard but its a pain I felt I needed.

***
I was on the plane home and saw a video on the England YouTube channel, it was called lionesses live and it was leah on it with Keira. I started to watch it and as I was watching it a certain bike fall came up. I was literally crying laughter, the whole plane was probably staring but I didn't care. How leah explained it made it 10x funnier. I sent leah a screenshot of my screen and all she replied with was 'oh no'  I laughed before watching it to the end.

Leah

Bella: I still can't believe you went over the handle bars

Leah: I told everyone I wasn't good on bikes! Nobody believed me.

Bella: lol I know sorry baby xx

Leah: your forgiven, anyways are you gonna come to our match against Spain tomorrow?

I took a while to respond.

Leah: Bella?

Bella: I don't have any tickets

Leah: I'll sort that out. I really wanna see you, I miss you so much

Bella: i miss you more, if you get me tickets I'll be there supporting you. Not England.