dreams to reality

43.

Today I go back to Barcelona. I desperately wanted to be with Leah at this time especially after a few days ago. My uncle showed up out of nowhere asking for money, after everything he put me through, mentally he drained me from a young age. Telling me I wasn't good enough and that I'd make it nowhere. He's the one that's came crawling back, asking for money not me. I'm doing good, I have everything that I'd ever need and that's football and Leah. My two escapes from the past.

"Oh I'm gonna miss you" Leah said with a sigh as I walked into the kitchen, she picked me up and placed me on the counter. "I'm gonna miss you so much" I said resting my head on her shoulder. "We'll get through it though, we always do" Leah said with confidence, I agreed with her kissing her. "I love you" I said with a smile, "I love you more" Leah replied kissing my cheek, she was making lunch so she resumed to making herself a ham sandwich and making me a cheese toastie.

"The draw is in 2 weeks" Leah said as we sat eating lunch, I nodded. I was excited to see who we play, I have a feeling it's gonna be an English team, arsenal or Chelsea. I mean it would be great for arsenal because I'd see them again but I'd rather play Chelsea and put them out. "Yep, excited?" I asked her and she nodded. I knew she was, I didn't need to ask. Taking her club to the quarter final of the champions league as captain is some achievement.

"Baby" I said as she sat on the couch, I stood in front of the tv. "What's up bels?" She asked sitting forward. "I have something for you. It was meant to be for Christmas but I didn't know when to give you it" I said and she looked at me nervously. I handed over the box and she opened it was a bracelet that has a small flower on it. "The flower is the same as the ones you used to give my mum" I added and she looked at me with teary eyes, "thank you so much Bella. It's beautiful" she said getting up to hug me. "Thank you for everything you've done for me, I don't know what I would of done if you were there to look out for her" I said in between sobs. Leah held me tight against her, "she was the happiest person in the world and I loved keeping her company. She'll be forever proud you and what you do" Leah said kissing my forehead. We stayed in the moment for a while before we sat cuddled up ready to watch the tv.

***

"Bella I'm sure she's okay, maybe she's been called into a meeting or is busy" Lucy said sitting beside me in he changing room, "I know I just wanted to see her reaction to the draw, I mean I'm going up against my girlfriend, I'm freaking out" I said panicking a little, well not a little a lot. "Bella?" Alexia said confused when she saw me, "huh?" I replied looking up from the ground. "estás bien?" She asked, I knew what she was saying because I'd learnt quite a lot from being here, she was asking if I was okay.

I nodded wanting to avoid the topic. She came and sat the other side of me, "I'll leave you to it, Keira wants me" Lucy said getting up and leaving. Now it was just me and alexia. "puedes hablar conmigo bella" alexia said with a small smile. "Err leah no me ha enviado un mensaje de texto, estoy preocupada" (leah hadn't text me, I'm worried) I said without looking at her. "Ahh problemas en el paraiso" she said with a laugh making me laugh. "Estoy segura de que ella está bien, puede estar ocupada?" (I'm sure she is fine, maybe busy?) she added hugging me, I nodded. "si, tal vez estoy exagerando" (yeah maybe I'm overreacting). I replied and she patted my back. "Si ahora vamos al gimnasio" (yes now let's go to gym) she said and we both got up and headed to the gym.

"gracias la reina" i knew she hated being called that, I got a death stare and started running away. "Bella!" She said angrily, I laughed as she caught up. She messed up my hair before pushing me as we got inside. "Oi manos de la bebe" (Oi hands off the baby) I looked at mapi annoyed, "No soy una bebé, vicky es!" (I'm not a baby, Vicky is) everyone started laughing, Vicky looked at me angry but she knew I was right.

I really like this team. I thought to myself as we started out workouts.

It's been an hour and Leah still hasn't replied. I was getting worried even more. The girls were trying to distract me and to be honest it wasn't working but I had to show it was. They said we were going to get coffee and I had to go.

"You alright now?" Lucy asked me as she took a sip of her coffee, I nodded. I wasn't but they didn't need to know that. "Good" she said as the Spanish girls watched us. We looked at them, they all had puzzled faces. "What?" I said laughing, "too English?" Lucy asked them and their faces got even more confused. "demasiado ingles?" (Too much English) I asked and they all laughed and nodded. Me and Lucy burst out laughing, it was funny how when we spoke in English to each other they don't understand. They understand when I speak to them, well sometimes.

"entonces arsenal?" (So arsenal?) Mapi asked excited, I smiled a little "Emocionada?" (Excited) She added and I nodded. "si, feliz de volver a casa" (yes, happy to go home) I replied, to be honest I'm just happy to see leah. "está bien" (that's good) she said smiling.

Just as we were leaving I felt my phone vibrate, I quickly took it out my pocket and saw Leah had messaged me. I couldn't unlock my phone fast enough. My face dropped when I saw can we FaceTime? Oh that doesn't sound good. "Bien?" Alexia said and I showed her my phone, her eyes screwed, "oh" she said softly. The whole journey home was just Lucy trying to persuade me into thinking everything will be fine. I was 50/50 by the time we got back.

I told Leah I was free and she immediately called me, i saw a huge smile on her face making me relax. Releasing a breath I didn't know I was holding in.

"I can't wait to see my girl" she said every excited,  "I'm coming home" I replied with a smile similar to hers. We continued to talk but not about football, just about life in general. It was good because I didn't feel pressure to talk about what was coming up in 2 weeks. I didn't want to think about that side of things, I just wanted to focus on the fact I'm going to see Leah.

It was getting late so we decided to call it a night, "I love and miss you so much" I said as I lay back in my bed, "I love you more, I'll see you soon baby" she said making me smile. We ended to call and I put my phone down.

I love her so much.

***

"Bella what's going on with you" Keira asked me as I threw the water bottle down, "I don't know okay? Can people just leave me alone!" I replied really angry. Lucky enough for me training was about to resume and I didn't have to explain myself.

When training ended Keira came over to me, "don't start" I said as I started walking away, she caught up to me. "Bella I don't know what's going on with you but I'm not gonna push you. I just want you to talk to somebody, anyone. Just let it out please" she is far too kind. I broken down and she immediately wrapped her arms around me, she rest of the girls stood and watched, I think Keira told them to leave me and her which they did. I couldn't hold back my tears.

After a few minutes I started to calm down, "want to talk about it?" She asked and I nodded. "I just don't know what's happened with me this week, I have rarely spoke to Leah, I've been so angry at everyone for no reason. I can't eat, or sleep. I don't know what's wrong with me" I said as my eyes welled up. "Firstly nothing is wrong with you. I know the girls have noticed your anger but I can assure you they understand why. Your just anxious for next week. I know you don't want to think you are but it's okay to be anxious. I know your playing up against Leah which is going to be hard but I promise everything is going to be fine, no matter what happens. Also you should probably talk to Leah. She's been wondering what's going on" she is literally the best person to talk to. "Thank you so much Keira, I love you" I said hugging her, "I love you too now come on, let's go get changed and get you fed" she said and we started walking away. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest.

We walked back into the changing room and everyone was giving me sympathetic looks. "estoy bien. Lo siento por estar enojado con todos ustedes" (I'm okay. I'm sorry for being mad at you all) I said and everyone started smiling, "Las niñas de vuelta" (the kids back) mapi shouted and everyone came and we had a huge group hug. "Las amo a todas mucho" (I love you all so much) I said smiling. They replied and said they loved me too. This group of girls is different from arsenal, it's a different culture and a different type of friendship, it's hard to explain. But I absolutely love it.

I came to training with Lucy and Keira today so we eventually went home. "Thank you for today" I said to Keira and she smiled, "it's okay bella, we all have them days" she replied as we went out separate ways into our rooms. I'm so glad I'm surrounded by these people. My people.

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