It's Complicated...

Insecurities

CW: attempted suicide? Kinda but not really in my opinion
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A few weeks have passed and you and Wilhelmina or Mina, as you call her now. Have grown closer, you've told everyone that you're together now. She was very hesitant because she didn't know how they would react.

Especially because she was breaking her own rules, but once she said they could have relationships as well they were happy. Dinah seemed a little salty, since there was no one that was really her speed there.

But other than that everyone was happy for you, Dinah even congratulated you despite her own feelings. You and Mina couldn't have been any more happy, you finally had each other. You started sleeping in her room every night, today she was being odd though.

She just seemed off in general so you decided to ask her about it later that night. You all went to dinner and once it was over everyone went to the common room. You said goodnight to everyone telling them you were gonna go to sleep.

You followed Mina to her room shortly after and walked in. She quickly finished zipping her dress up when she heard the door creak open. "Hey" you said happily as she turned to look at you. "Hi" she replied coldly and she made her way over to the bed, she hadn't used that tone with you in a long time.

It made you sad, "are you ok?" You asked nervously, "I'm fine" she replied sternly. You sat on the bed next to her and grabbed her hand, she tensed from your touch. You let go and put your hands in your lap, you didn't want to make her uncomfortable but you were confused.

"I know you're not ok..." you said quietly, "y/n I said I'm FINE" she said raising her voice slightly. You almost flinched from her raising her voice at you, and using your first name? She hadn't used your first name since you started dating, she always called you cute names.

You knew she was upset about something. "You never use my first name..." you said just above a whisper. She moved suddenly and you flinched and stood up quickly, backing away from her. Her face that was once angry softened into sadness.

Tears began to fill in your eyes as you looked at her, "are you afraid of me?" She whispered sadly. You shook your head no, in reality you were fucking terrified. You knew how she could get when she got angry and even though she said she'd never hurt you again you didn't know for sure.

You just loved her so much that you pushed aside your fear because you wanted to be with her. She stood up slowly and began walking toward you, you backed up with every step she took. She tried to get closer and you ended up backing up into the wall.

"Why do you keep backing away from me?" she asked with tears in her eyes. "Y-you yelled at me..." you said shakily, your whole body was shaking at this point. "You're shaking" she said backing away to sit on the bed.

She didn't know what to do, in the back of her mind she thought this would happen. But now that it was actually happening her heart shattered into a million pieces. She always knew what she had done to you would never be forgotten.

Even though you forgave her she knew you would never forget the person who hurt you. And unfortunately she was that person. "I'm sorry" she said quietly, her tears began to flow and yours fell from your eyes silently.

You sat on the floor by the wall, not wanting to move any closer to her. You didn't lie when you said you weren't afraid of Mina. But Ms. Venable? When she was angry she was unpredictable and although she hadn't hurt you since that day, you had doubts in the back of your mind.

You both sat there in silence, again, not knowing what to say. You eventually broke the silence realizing that she wasn't going to say anything. "I ummm I think maybe I should... stay in my room tonight?" You asked shakily.

She looked at you sadly but nodded and without another word you walked out the door slowly closing it. You walked sadly back to your room, once you got there you sighed and closed the door. You didn't want to leave her, but you needed to think.

If you were really going to be with her you had to be completely comfortable. You laid down, you hadn't slept in your room since you two started dating. You couldn't fall asleep, you needed to have her next to you.

It felt so weird sleeping in an empty bed, but you knew you should give her some space. This was hard for both of you. You decide to take a walk around to clear your head a bit and make a decision. If anything you could slip into her room while she was sleeping and you could just talk in the morning.

As you came closer and closer to the front of the outpost you heard that calming clicking of her cane. You weren't afraid of her, you didn't feel that same fear of her cane as when you first arrived. Now it relived you, knowing she was near by comforted you.

She made you feel safe, you truly knew she would never let anyone hurt you. And it dawned on you that she would never hurt you either. You felt dumb for walking away from her. You followed the clicking of her cane to the doors of the outpost, the ones that lead outside.

You became more and more confused until you saw her about to open the door. Without hazmat suit on.
She had her hand on the knob, emotionless. You instantly knew what was going on, you ran over to her and pulled her back.

She fell on top of you as you pulled her back, but you didn't care. She looked up at you and began crying immediately. When you walked out the door she had sat there in deep thought. The one person she loved in this god forsaken world was afraid of her.

She felt like a monster, and she convinced herself that she was right. That you should hate her, and she hated herself for ever hurting you. For making you fear her, for making you uncomfortable. She had been struggling for a long time but you made everything better.

When you walked out that door it felt like her world left with you. Her will to live, to go on disappeared out of thin air. She couldn't take life, she didn't want to do life without you. So she began aimlessly walking, ending up at the door, it was the only way she thought.

She was just going to walk outside and burn, like she deserved. But then you came and saved her, like you always do, right there by her side. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE DOING?!" You screamed, she sobbed even harder. You softened and held her rocking her back and forth in your arms until she calmed down.

Without words being spoken you knew exactly what she was thinking. "M-my b-back" she stuttered between sobs, you sat her up slowly. "Did I hurt it?" You asked nervously, "n-no" she said trying to even her breaths. You sat there on the floor until she fully calmed down.

"I got mad because of my back" she said looking down, playing with her fingers. "I didn't want you t-to see me" she said finally, you felt angry because that's all it was. You didn't care about what she looked like, you loved her and she loved you. You took a deep breath before speaking so you could calm down and be nice.

"Mina look at me" you said firmly, she shook her head no. "I swear on Mary and her lambs if you don't look at me..." you said more sternly this time. She looked up with tears in her eyes, you would say you hate her is what she was thinking.

"I. Love. You. I'm not mad that you got insecure, but you can't just flip out like that. I don't care what you look like, I never have, I love you for the person you are. You're beautiful inside and out, sure I haven't seen your back but I'm going to love it because I love you. Every. Single. Part. Of you" you said moving closer to her to wipe her tears.