It's Complicated...

Options

The next day I woke up and Wilhemina was already gone. She left a note saying there were a few things she needed to take care of. I got up and did my morning routine before getting dressed and dragging myself out of the room.

I was not looking forward to having this conversation with Myrtle today but I knew I needed to. So I found her after looking around for a bit and she walked with me to my room. We sat down on the bed and it's like she immediately knew.

She pulled me into a hug and I nuzzled my head in her chest. After a few minutes I pulled away a took a deep breath, preparing myself for this. "I don't know what to do Myrtle" I remarked sadly. "I can't tell you what to do. You have to do what you think is best at the end of the day" she said.

I always saw Myrtle as wise and I knew she was right but I really just wanted an answer. "You definitely need to talk to Wilhelmina though, explain it to her and see what she thinks" she says.

"But that'll fuck everything up because what if she thinks I don't love her or... like she's not good enough and-"
She put a finger to my lip to stop me from rambling.

"You're not responsible for other peoples feelings. All you can do is be honest with everyone in the situation. You're confused. You're weighing your options which is completely normal despite popular belief. It's ok that you don't know, but don't string anyone along unnecessarily" she finishes and gives me small smile.

I pout and roll my eyes because I know she's right and I hate it. She chuckles and pulls me in for another hug, "well I hate to leave you but a Madison left unattended is a disaster waiting to happen" she says.

She disappears leaving me in my room alone. I take a moment to just understand what I'm about to do and how it can fuck up everything. I sigh and exit my room to find Mina so I can talk to her. Unfortunately I end up running into Cordelia first and I start second guessing everything.

She softly smiled at me and my heart melts momentarily and I wish I could fling myself into her arms. She always knew how to calm me down whenever I was anxious or overthinking. But now Mina helps me with that and I don't know what to think.

I don't want to compre them and I couldn't even if I wanted to. They're nothing alike and that's what I love the most but it also makes this more difficult. I love them both but in different ways. I smile nervously and walk past her continuing on my little mission.

I find Mina in her office and approach her slowly as I start breathing heavier. "Hey. What's up?" I guess she saw the expression on my face even though I was trying to hide it. "Umm I need to talk to you" I said nervously.

I could see the worry grow on her face and she told me to sit on the couch. I went over and she followed she sat down next to me. It was silent as I tried to gather the right words to explain.

This was going to be so difficult to talk about without hurting her. "So I want to be completely honest with you because I don't ever want you to not trust me" I said looking her in the eyes. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion "ok..." she said quietly.

"Remember how I said Cordelia tried to kiss me?" She nodded slowly. "And I told her not to do it again and we could still be friends. Well she didn't do it again but she told me that she's... still in love with me" I said quietly.

Mina shifted in her seat and looked away from me. "I guess I just don't know how to feel... I'm not in love with her anymore. Yet a part of me will always love her I waited so long for her to apologize and everything. So it's just weird and it's too late now so it doesn't even mean anything. But-" she laughed, cutting me off and I looked at her confused.

"But what? You want to try it with her, is that what you're trying to tell me?" She said coldly. "God damn it Wilhemina! No, that's not what I'm saying. She's just waiting on an answer and I don't know what to tell her. So I was coming in here to tell you about it because you always know what to do" I said my voice slightly annoyed.

"Oh" she said thinking now, "I don't know, sorry. I mean I've never been in this situation... if you want me to be there I will though" she said putting her hand on my thigh. "I really think I need to do it alone but thank you. And it's ok I know how it must've sounded. I'll try and talk to her today" I replied.

She pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back soothingly. I backed away slightly so I could see her face. "And I'm not saying this is what you're doing... but I don't want you to be her. I love you because you're you and so different from anyone I've ever known" I said sweetly.

She smiled and rolled her eyes playfully "god I love you but it was so hard trying to be sweet and cuddly. I don't know how she does it all the time" she commented. "Me either" I said and we laughed.

"All good?" I asked, "all good" she responded and gave me a kiss. "Well guess I better make haste and get this over with" I sighed heavily. She gave me an encouraging kiss on the forehead and I was off to find Cordelia.