It's Complicated...

Numbing the Pain

CW: talk about SA
You began to scream, in frustration, in anger, in sadness, you just wailed. Trying to drown your thoughts with the water and telling yourself it wasn't real. You were devastated to say the least, you had no words for how you felt.

It was all too much and there were so many thoughts rushing through your mind. All you wanted was Mina to come and hold you and tell you it was going to be ok. To make you feel safe, if that was even possible again.

As if you conjured her she appeared, she came in the bathroom to see you rocking back and forth on the shower floor. You had left the shower door open, too preoccupied with your thoughts to remember to close it.

She turned off the shower "baby?" She said softly, you were zoned out completely. You didn't want to be in this reality anymore, it felt unbearable. "Honey I need you to get up" she whispered endearingly.

It hurt her so much that she couldn't bend down and just pick you up. But you weren't budging, she didn't know what to do to get your attention. Then it dawned on her, she didn't want to do it but it was the only thing she hadn't tried.

"Y/n!" She yelled and immediately you jumped back and started crying. "I'm sorry baby you just weren't listening. It was like you weren't there..." you looked up at her and stood up.

You instinctively grabbed her, even though you were completely naked and covered in water. She didn't mind though, she knew you needed her in that moment. Fuck the dress. She managed to walk you over to the bed and lay you down.

She sat down next to you and you curled into a ball and laid your head in her lap. She grabbed a clean towel that was laying on your bed and wrapped your hair so you wouldn't soak your pillows. She covered you with a blanket so you wouldn't be cold and just rubbed your shoulders.

You sobbed into her lap, she didn't ask questions, she figured you couldn't speak yet anyway. She waited until you calmed down and sat up. You got off the bed and slowly walked to put on clothes for dinner. You had completely disassociated and were just on auto-pilot.

She watched as you got dressed, she was extremely concerned. You went from balling your eyes out seconds ago to completely numb. Once you finished getting dressed you walked over to her. "It's dinner time right?" You asked calmly, she nodded and you walked out the room towards the dining hall.

She followed you confused, she just decided to ask you later. You didn't talk the entire time at dinner which was unusual for you. Even your friends noticed it, you didn't laugh at jokes or anything. You just sat there silently eating your cube, you didn't even look up.

You couldn't hear anything anyway, you had blocked everything out. It was all muffled and jumbled in your brain it was like a completely different planet or something. You didn't speak the language it all just sounded like meaningless words.

But you could tell everyone was having a good time by their tone and inflection. Everyone had left and you were still just sitting there, Mina was looking at you worriedly. "Honey?" She whispered rubbing your shoulder.

"Hmm?" You said slowly looking up at her, "do you wanna go to bed?" She asked softly. You simply nodded and stood walking in the direction of her room. You sat on the bed and she closed and locked the door behind her.

The sound of the lock made you jump a little, it was almost scary but it's like you couldn't remember why. She noticed you jump a little and approached you slowly. She sat down next to you and you seemed to calm a bit which made her feel a little better.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" You looked at her puzzled, "about what?" You asked confused. She tilted her head a bit "do you not remember?" She asked concerned. "Ummm... oh the crying?" You asked still a bit confused on what she was talking about.

"Yeah..." she said as she begun to get even more worried than before. You seemed completely out of it and she knew something bad had to have happened. She suddenly remembered you didn't come to bed last night.

"You didn't come to bed last night... why?" She asked curiously thinking that whatever it was might've happened then. You looked confused until your face relaxed and your eyes widened once again. She looked at you knowing even though you didn't say anything that you had remembered.

Tears began to fill your eyes as it all hit you again it really happened you thought to yourself. You still hadn't spoken and she didn't want to push you but she had to know. "What happened darling?" She asked softly, she moved closer and you didn't react.

It was like you were gone all over again stuck in some thought that she couldn't pinpoint. "I uhhh" you stuttered trying to find the words, "take your time honey, there's no rush" she said rubbing small circles on your back.

You shuddered at the feeling, remembering his hands on your body. Then you relaxed realizing it wasn't him, you were snatched from your thoughts and you grabbed onto Mina. You held her by her waist as you put your head in her chest.

You almost cried all over again until you heard the sound of her heart beat which soothes you. She continued to rub your back allowing you the time you needed to find the 'right' words. There were no 'right' words everything about this was wrong.

"I-I think I was... I don't wanna say it" you said in a small voice. "Baby I can't fix it if you don't tell me what's wrong..." she said sweetly. You nodded and tried to start again, listening to sound of her heartbeat.

You decided to just say it objectively almost as if it didn't happen to you. You sit up and tell her everything from beginning to finish, no emotion in your voice whatsoever. Her eyebrows were raised and furrowed in confusion and then with pure rage.

"I'm gonna fucking kill that bastard" she said smashing her cane into the ground. You didn't flinch or anything at the loud noise, you simply said "it's ok Mina" while rubbing her back to calm her down.

She looked at you fully perplexed, you were completely calm. "Did you take something?" She asked seriously, "well yeah I'm pretty sure he drugged me" you say plainly. "No no I'm talking about today like this morning or something" she said concerned once again.

"No, why do you ask?" You tilted your head looking at her curiously. "You're so calm..." she said anxiously, "I mean it is what is is" you say dryly. "I think you should lay down" she said, she knew exactly what to do in this situation unfortunately.

You obliged and got under the covers soon after falling asleep. As you slept Mina paced the room going between crying and absolute, seething rage. She was beyond pissed and so worried about you.

She eventually laid down next to you and put her arms around you. She stroked your hair knowing she'd have to worry about Timothy later. She couldn't leave you right now. She never did go to sleep, she was too worried about you and thinking about what she was going to do about him.