Chapter 5

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"Didn't you want to be a commando?" Jiya asked suddenly

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"Didn't you want to be a commando?" Jiya asked suddenly.

Ishaan who was adding the last few pieces of wood into the fireplace, stiffened. "I couldn't."

"Why? The last I remember, you were supposed to take up the probationary training right? Aman told me you cleared the requirements..!"

He looked crossly at her, he mumbled. "I will go out to get some wooden logs, this won't be enough to keep us warm all night."

As he made his way towards the door, Jiya sprung up in realization. "Is this because of Aman? Because you lost him and couldn't focus?"

He stopped in his tracks, taking a sharp breath. When Jiya picked up an issue, she would never let it go. At least not until she got the answers she wanted. "Col. Ashutosh Uncle told me, after Aman's death, you went ballistic! Always put yourself in harm's way and didn't take a single leave for more than a year. Ishaan.. Ever since you joined the army, all you wanted was to join the Para Commando unit. It was your dream. Losing Aman, shouldn't have stopped you from chasing your dream. He would have wanted you to see through it.."

Her words stabbed Ishaan's heart with a thousand blades. Everybody mourned differently. Brigadier Amarjeet Singh spent months being aloof and silent. Shilpa coped with Aman's loss by completely immersing herself in the activities of various associations. Jiya showed her pain visibly and yelled at everyone who pitied her. Ishaan... Well, the only way he knew how to cope was by doing everything that kept him away from the thoughts that would eat him. But, it wasn't just Aman's death that hurt him. "I didn't lose one person Jiya. I lost two Dhillons that year."

Jiya blinked registering his words. Tilting his head, he sneered, "You vanished from my life after the Christmas Ball. I could have grappled losing one Dhillon, but two? That was more than I could handle, Jiya."

Ishaan was a lot of things, but one thing he wasn't was being vulnerable. Jiya stood there aghast at a revelation and painfully aware of her own deeds. At that moment, she hated herself with an intensity that overwhelmed her. Tears streamed down her face as he walked out, closing the door shut behind him.

"Don't you know how I feel about you?" He had asked her that night, a couple of years ago, after the Christmas ball. She knew exactly how he felt about her and that was alone enough to make her heart flutter like crazy. Only if everything were that simple. Girl meets a boy, they love each other, they confess and off they go for their happily ever after. That happened in movies and books. Real life, sucked. 

Memories flooded her mind as she struggled to hold herself together without breaking down into bits and pieces.

"LEAVE THE PARTY RIGHT NOW!" Brigadier Amarjeet thundered at his daughter's recklessness. She was wearing a scanty dress that didn't even reach her knees. The army had strong rules on dressing decent and unrevealing. If Brigadier's daughter didn't care for the rules, will the rest of the guests? He was ashamed.

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