April 10 2015

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Dear diary
You know what's interesting is that I can go through an entire weekend and just fall off the map and not leave my room and no one misses me or wonders what's going on or worries about me. What makes it even more odd or sad is that I have a window into what people are doing on Facebook. My friends spend a lot of time with each other but not me and with their other friends. I'm just not one of those friends that people spend time. I don't understand it. I really don't and on the friends of people love and check in on but don't embrace is a part of their actual life. What is that? It's funny that I have always believed that I am a very good friend I try very hard to be a really good friend. But I have the effect on friends of being the friend you don't quite ever make plans with. I think I've failed and didn't even notice. And don't tell me it's my friends, because it's not. They are great. And I don't need new ones. The ones I have are amazing. It's me. There's something really toxic about me.

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