Dear Diary

May 2 2015

Dear diary
I will not say getting better was an easy process; frankly, I still struggle at times. But I will say this, life is better. When people know what is up they pay attention, they try to help. I never knew what kind of friends and family I had till I told them I was depressed. My parents pay attention and spend time with me a little more now. My friends at college worry constantly, mainly my roommate. My roommate is awesome. Whenever we are separated at an unusual time she calls to make sure I'm ok and not crying. Whenever I sniffle (even if it's just a cold) she asks if I am ok. She constantly watches over me and is the first to ask if something is up. Some might say that she nags, but it warms my heart to know she cares. I love my roommate to death. I do have other friends who care too. My suitemates are a part of that group. Around the time I started my anti-depression medication I had some friends that disagreed strongly to my meds. The first to bring this up had no right to and she barely knows me. It's a mostly internet based friendship though I do know her in real life and have hung out with her face to face. She took it upon herself to degrade me and insult me, saying I was weak, saying I was wrong and that I made a wrong decision. This all came as a shock to me. I had thought that all of my friends would support me because my medication was helping me. Halfway through the bombardment I couldn't take her attacks anymore and I handed the phone to one of my suite-mates. The attacks continued and I was reduced to tears. Everyone was mad at this so called friend for doing what she did. She went too far and started becoming more and more irrelevant to the topic of my medication and depression. I had other friends who felt this way as well, but they were more rational about it. In the end they don't understand why I made the decision to start taking anti-depressants. I did it because nothing else would work. I had a therapist and talking didn't take the pain away. It didn't take the whispers in my head away, they were still there telling me I was worthless, alone, unloved, and unimportant. My therapist explained that sometimes the brain has a chemical imbalance causing some sort of reaction. In simple terms the emotional parts of my brain were overactive and cutting in the line of steps you go through to get to a decision or a choice of action. This imbalance cannot be fixed by talking it out, or persuasion, in the end medication was my route. Because of this choice I am doing a lot better. I still get upset of course, but that is how everyone is. If I never got upset again that would be an un-human like thing. So other than my medication disagreement things have been better. I have gotten over my first love....FINALLY, and I am on my way to getting over the second love. Right now I am dating a wonderful guy on campus (sooooo much easier) and things are going well. He and I communicate well and he is sweet. My life is finally looking up ^^