detention || minsung

15

⚠️TW/ bad thoughts, sh⚠️

"can you not?" jisung groaned.

"i'm literally just breathing." minho rolled his eyes.

"i can feel you staring at me!" jisung shouted.

"is it so wrong to be curious?" minho shrugged.

"curious about what?"

"whatever the fuck you're supposed to be." minho responded.

"i'm going to kill you." jisung threatened.

"we're home alone so nows your chance to do it." minho smiled devilishly.

"i fucking hate you." jisung scoffed, walking upstairs to his room. he could hear minho laughing as he slammed his door.

he walked into his bathroom, letting out a sigh as he locked the door. he turned to face the mirror, staring at himself.

i wonder too sometimes. why the fuck do i look like this. should i start losing weight? should i dye my hair? maybe i should get a piercing? a new tattoo maybe? i hate this. i hate myself.

jisung tore his eyes from the mirror, opening up the cabinet under the sink. he reached for his blades, letting out a sigh.

i need an escape. from whatever this is. from these thoughts. from these feelings.

jisung pulled up his sleeves, dragging the blade across his skin.

i'm so fucking stupid. no one could ever love me, i really wonder if these people even want to be my friends. maybe if i hadn't snapped on minho we could've been friends. no. i hate him.

who am i to feel lonely? i live in a house with my best friends. i don't get to feel like this. so fucking ungrateful. you're pathetic.

jisung cleaned the blade, putting everything back where it was. he pulled his sleeves down, walking slowly to his bed. he put his headphones in, curling up as he listened to music.

🦋

"here." jisungs thoughts were interrupted when a pack of cigarettes were thrown at him.

"what's this for lix?" jisung asked as he placed them on his bed side table.

"just seemed like you've needed it more lately." felix responded, causing jisung to chuckle.

"i'm surprised you didn't kill minho today." hyunjin commented as the two sat on jisungs bed.

"don't worry, i almost did." jisung rolled his eyes as he sat up.

"he hasn't said anything triggering or anything, right?" hyunjin asked carefully.

"no." jisung shook his head. liar.

"good. if he does i'll beat his ass." felix sighed.

"i do think i'm going to go on a diet though." jisung suddenly said.

"oh? why?" felix asked.

"i just want to lose weight." jisung shrugged.

"nobody commented on your weight though, right?" hyunjin asked.

"n0." jisung shook his head.

"okay." hyunjin nodded skeptically.

"seriously jin, nobody said anything." jisung sighed.

"we trust you...we just want to make sure...that isn't happening again." felix said.

"why would you think that?" jisung asked.

"you've just been more...in your head lately." hyunjin said gently.

"no, i'm okay. really, guys." jisung assured with a small smile. LIAR.

"okay sungs. we're gonna go cook dinner." felix smiled as they stood up.

"okay, love you guys." jisung smiled.

"love you too!" felix and hyunjin responded simultaneously as they left.

jisung sighed as he got up, putting his headphones back in. he grabbed the pack of cigarettes, opening it. he threw the trash away, grabbing a lighter. he walked out onto his balcony, placing a cigarette between his lips. he lit it, inhaling as he closed his eyes.

he felt the gentle breeze of early september air hit his face. he took a drag, feeling himself relax. for once in his life, he felt relaxed.

"hey ji, mind if i take a drag?" junhan asked as he appeared next to him.

"you smoke?" jisung asked, surprised.

"yeah." junhan nodded as jisung passed him the cigarette.

"is something wrong? you seem tense?" jisung asked.

"i just..i keep thinking about mom and dad. i've hated them since the second they kicked you out but i just-" junhan said as tears began rolling down his cheeks, taking a drag.

"hey, i get it." jisung pulled him into a hug.

"it feels so unfair. it's so unfair to us. especially to you. you had to grow up so fast." junhan sobbed.

"don't weigh the experience for us. it's extremely unfair for both of us." jisung said gently.

"sorry."

"don't apologize. you have nothing to be sorry for." jisung released him from the hug. "it's shitty, i know. but we have each other." he smiled.

"thanks ji." junhan returned his smile, handing the cigarette back to jisung so he could dry his face.

"why don't you go take a nap til dinners done?"

"yeah, thanks." junhan gave him one last hug before he left.

a/n: how are you my loves? i'm doing okay. i love you and i'm so proud of you and you're so valid.