sarah paulson one shots

sometime's it'll hurt - foxxay

requested by anons on tumblr: can you write about Cordelia and Misty being reader's parents and reader is having a hard time mentally. Maybe some angst/hurt then fluff and comfort. + Can I just make a request of anything with Mama Delia Mama Misty !! It can literally be anything!

warmings: self harm, depression, anxiety.

word count: 2540

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There were times were you were happy. And then there were times were you weren't. There were times where it felt like there was not enough room for you on the earth. You hoped it would be a continuous cycle, so you could feel that happiness again, even if everything else is numb. It doesn't feel like it though. Not at five in the evening. Not when you can hear the girls chatter downstairs, gathering for dinner. Not when you're laying in bed with a irritated face from crying. It feels like you're stuck in this obis of darkness.

You could predict how this night would end. Everyone would finish dinner with laughter and chatter, and go out to parties on this Friday night. You would lay in your bed. That numb feeling after sobbing for hours consuming you. It didn't effect anyone if you weren't here. So why stay with the pain? What was it worth?

However, the night took a turn when you heard a knock on your bedroom door. Three knocks meant it was your mother. She always knocked three times in a specific pattern.

You didn't feel like answering. You didn't have enough energy to. And you didn't want your mother to see you like this. You didn't know what you what anymore.

"It's mom. Can I come in, baby?"

You didn't speak at all. With all your strength gathered, you hummed your permission. You're not entirely sure that she heard you. You could hardly hear yourself. The door slowly opened anyways.

She walked into your dim room, blinds shut but the white furniture and walls made the room glow even in the dark.

"Dinners ready, sunshine. Are you coming down?" Your mother asked. Her footsteps got closer, and soon enough she was sitting on your bed. You could not see her with your back to her. You haven't seen her the entire day, and you longed to just see her motherly eyes to ground you.

You didn't dare move. You felt stuck in every way imaginable.

"No, i'm tired. I just want to sleep if that's alright." Your gravely voice pierced through your eyes. You didn't sound like yourself. You didn't know who you were anymore.

"You've slept all day, I haven't even got to see your pretty face, my darling. Are you feeling well? Mama told me she asked if you wanted to go to her swamp today, and you turned her down. That's not like you."

You squeezed your eyes shut tight at her bombard of questions. You couldn't handle this right now. You weren't really tired, but now you are. Now you want to sleep and never wake up.

"I'm fine!," You snapped, sucking in a deep breath. "I'm tired! I told you that. Can you just leave me alone? I want to be alone right now!"

Silence occupied the room. It was unsettling and you gave it all your effort to not hide under the covers like a child scared of a thunder storm. You hurt her, however, she didn't take it personally. She understands hardship. Cordelia understands what it's like to have so many negative emotions that can't even fit into your body, and to eventually burst.

"Sweetie," she took a deep breath. Your heart stopped. You took it too far, you knew so. "My sweet girl, i'm here for you. Please just talk to me. I don't want you to hurt any longer."

You could hear the pain in her voice. Bad, bad, bad, you thought. Upsetting mom. You only ever upset people. It's what you're best at. Everyone would be happier without you.