sarah paulson one shots

love you to the moon and to saturn - billie dean howard

requested by anon on tumblr: begging for anything with billie <33 maybe some angst/fluff where billie gets insecure abt the age difference and reader reassures her how much she loves her only wants to be with her.

warnings: none

word count: 1477

.   .   .

It was absolutely appalling.

When Billie agreed to come along to your high school reunion, she didn't expect people to be all over you. She expected that you had a couple friends you would talk to throughout the night, but she did not anticipate them to be so touchy. Although it was just bitterness and she knew it; she was jealous. 

Billie suddenly felt so insecure. Everything that she was not. Like a dog in a cage of cats; she just felt out of place.

She graduated high school many years before everyone in this room had. Even though the old graduates had their partners accompany them, she realized that she was still, perhaps, the oldest woman in the room.

You still made it a point to introduce Billie to all of your old friends and acquaintances. You weren't aware of your girlfriends insecurity about the age gap. It typically doesn't bother her; you constantly make her feel so beautiful that she completely forgets the difference between you two.

Billie was always confident and her demeanor hardly ever faltered. She always made sure that people knew you were hers. But right now, her voice got caught in her throat as your friends hand squeezed your thigh.

She cleared her throat, swallowing down the lump. She was just appreciative that you were finally saying your goodbye's to everyone. As fun as you had, you much rather spend the rest of the night with Billie. You probably wouldn't talk to any of them after tonight anyways.

In the car, Billie's knuckle turned awfully white from the grip she had on the steering wheel. You couldn't tell if she was angry or just trying to hold back tears. Either way, you knew something was bothering her, you just didn't know what.

You looked over at her but she didn't look back. You knew, though, that she could feel your gaze. She was just simply choosing to ignore you. "Are you okay?"

"Yes i'm fine," she said flatly, but not unkindly She was clearly not fine but you opted to not push her. If she wants to talk, she will. Nagging her will only make it worse.

You made it home in unusual silence. The engine stopped and it made it feel like the whole world paused for a moment. At this point, it was dark, and you could only see Billie with the moonlight shining through the car windows.

For a moment, Billie's expression softened and you thought she would finally open up. Instead, she got out of the car and let herself in the house. For the rest of the night, she wouldn't speak to you. She slept on the edge of the bed, the space between you both felt like miles and miles. And as much as it hurt, you let her be alone with her thoughts.
-
The next morning, you woke early with the birds. Billie was mostly an early riser and you wanted to be sure that you beat her to it. You cautiously got out of bed, careful not to wake her. You threw on a light sweater and slipped on a pair of sandals.

You could still hear gentle breaths coming from the other side of the room, and so you tipped toed out and slowly shut the door.

A warm late spring breeze casted over you. The sun shined a bright golden haze over the freshly planted flowers. You hair blew in multiple directions but you flattened it back down. You had to quickly get going before Billie awoke alone.

By the time you made it to the flower shop, only ten minutes had passed. The sweet scent of the seasons new flowers consumed you. You walked over to the corner of the store where the pink and white cosmos were. You knew those were one of Billies favorites. You picked up the freshest bouquet of them, tied off with a baby pink bow.

Your next stop was the store just across the street; the one filled with the finest chocolates for your perfect woman. You picked out a small red box; a mix of dark and milk chocolate.

By the time you arrived back at home it was only a quarter till eight; you new Billie would be awake any moment now. You rushed back into the house and slipped your sandals off. When you made it back into the bedroom that you shared, the older woman was already beginning to stir.

The soft sun was shining through the sheer curtains, illuminating her gentle features and golden hair. Her silly, blush pink pajamas shimmered in the lighting.

You walked towards the bed and sat on the edge, gifts still in hand. A single brown eye cracked open when she felt fingertips running up and down her bare arm. For a moment, she completely forgot that she was upset. A soft grin settled on her rosy lips.

"Good morning, beautiful," your voice came out as a mere whisper. She slowly pushed herself up into a sitting position, not yet speaking back to you. Instead, her gaze adverted to the flowers and chocolate in your hand. "Um, you seemed...upset last night so I— I went out this morning and got you this."

Her bottom lip trembled. Billie Dean was not much of a crier but this was too sweet, too genuine. You extended the gifts to her and she took them from you. "You woke up early to do this for me?" Her voice shook with emotion. Her glassy eyes finally looked back up at yours.

You nodded you head, lightly smiling at her. "I just love you a lot and I hate when you're sad and hurting." You still yet to know what she was exactly upset about, but whatever it was, must've deeply effected her.

"It's beautiful. Come here," she whispered and pulled your face closer to hers. You met her in a gentle, passionate kiss. She tasted sweet; like strawberries and, god, did you miss her in the few hours that she distanced herself. "It's really hard to be upset when you treat me like this, you know."

"Why were you upset? Did I do something or say something because you can tell me and I—" eagerly asking the question you've been putting off since last night, she ended your frantic rambling with another simple kiss. You softly sighed into her mouth.

"It's not you," she said, closing her eyes and inhaling a deep intake of air. "It's not you, sweetheart. You didn't do anything wrong. It's me."

You noticed a glistening tear sliding down her cheek. You pouted at her, the familiar feeling of hurt in your heart whenever she was upsetting made itself visible. You reached your hand out to cup her cheek, catching every tear that would dare to spill. "Please tell me what's wrong. I want to help you with whatever it is, my love."

"God, it's— it's pathetic," she let out a frustrated huff, aggravated with her emotions and the situation. But you just shook your head and brushed your thumb over her rosy cheek to let her know that it's okay, I won't judge. "It's just...those woman at the reunion last night. They were all over you and it made me realize that you deserve better, someone younger than me. I'm just so old and i'm holding you back from—"

"Hey, hey," you cut her off now, "that is not true. None of it is true." You grabbed one of her hands and held it in yours. "Yes, they were all over me. You're right and I should've told them to stop because I was uncomfortable and i'm sure you were too. But just because they are younger does not mean a single thing. You're my whole world."

She closed her eyes and shook her head, in disbelief that you could possibly be right about this. "Hey, listen to me. I love you. All of you. Every single thing about you. I don't care if you were one hundred years old or the same age as me. It doesn't matter because I love you."

Tears ran heavier down her face and so you pulled her closer, wrapping her up in your arms. "I love you so much, honey" she said, "to the moon and to Saturn."

"I love you too. To the moon and to Saturn." She lightly giggled at you and pulled back to kiss you again. You can't get enough of her. "Now what do you say we have some of these chocolates for breakfast?"